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Beginner March 2008

Coping with my in-laws

SunnyDaze, 22 April, 2008 at 08:26 Posted on Planning 0 12

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Hi

Can any of you please let me know how you deal with your in-laws if you find them boring, have nothing in common and somewhat offensive.

For example, when we announced our engagement, FIL2B asked us whether we were having a pre-nup, just in case... WTF?

We were discussing having kids the other day, and MIL said about how her granddaughters would hate it if we had a boy and they can't bear to be in the same room as boys. I know she doesn't (ie MIL) like boys as much as girls, even though she has three boys, but still it's not as if I can: 1) guarantee I have a baby, 2) guarantee its sex. Does this mean she's going to love it less if we do have a boy?

After our wedding, one of my friends mentioned to me that my FIL gave him a 'lecture' about how much money he had. Then my mother told me that FIL had done the same thing to one of our relatives. I mentioned this to another friend, and he said yes, it's true... he had overheard FIL drone on and on about his money to another two of our guests. Personally, I find that a sign of his insecurity really. Money does not buy class.

Also they go on and on about the same things over and over again... same story different day...

I also find that they don't support their son, ie my husband. They promised to do things for him/us re our wedding and let us down.

I think H realises how 'rubbish' they are, but won't really admit it. He says things like 'it doesn't matter', 'it's just a misunderstanding'.

I may be over-reacting because I am a bit sensitive... but I do find it difficult to spend more than a hour or two with them...

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12 replies

Latest activity by SunnyDaze, 22 April, 2008 at 09:52

Beginner September 2004
mrsfirth · 22 April, 2008 at 08:31
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I find that I cope with my in-laws by avoiding them. I go to see them when I want to see them and not when they expect/demand it. My H knows how I feel regarding his parents and doesn't push the issue.
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Beginner March 2008
SunnyDaze · 22 April, 2008 at 08:40
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quote:Originally posted by mrsfirth
My H knows how I feel regarding his parents and doesn't push the issue.
id="quote">

I think H knows how I feel about them to a certain extent, but not enough... I think it might hurt him if he knew.
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Beginner August 2008
Smiler08 · 22 April, 2008 at 08:41
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SunnyDaze I completely know where you're coming from. My MIL2B is really overbearing and just doesn't get the hint. My FIL2B is just downright thoughtless.
Recently my H2B's brothers wife gave birth to their second child and of course the happy grandparents went to stay. His brother suggested that they should only stay weds - fri because she'd had a c-section, but they didn't leave til the sunday, even though she kept asking them to go because it was making her feel ill. They also kept going for walks and walking mud through her house.
My dad isn't going to be at our wedding through ill health and I just don't want to sit next to my MIL2B. The way I deal with them is to limit the time we see them. My H2B gave them keys to our house - my FIL2B sometimes helps with decorating, which is nice, but he's not that great and never cleans up after himself, so now we've insisted that he tells us if he's coming round when we're not here.
In terms of the wedding, I asked my MIL2B to join us at the wedding fair in Earls Court - all my BM's came so I could dilute her between them and then we went to another wedding fair near where they live with my H2B. This way the pressure's off and she feels like she's been involved but she doesn't really want to be more involved for now. Luckily our engagement period is very short (8 months) which was on purpose - less time for interference!
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Beginner November 2008
loobyg · 22 April, 2008 at 08:44
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FIL2B is great and we get on really well.

MIL2B I'm never quite sure how to take... First time I met her (before we got engaged) she kept trying to warn me that H2B never sticks around longer than a year etc etc. I appreciate her concern and didn't think too much of it - I had know H2B for 3 years before we got together and knew the situations with his ex's which his mum probably didn't. But 2 years later she still thinks he is going to turn and run. When H2B jokingly asked if she was going to buy a new hat she made some comment about waiting till nearer the time just in case! I don't not get on with her but I'm quite wary around her but we rarely see her so its not too much of an issue. I sometimes get the feeling that she doesn't believe we will actually get married until there are rings on fingers but she is getting better!

His sister doesn't like me as she really liked his ex but the feeling is pretty mutual so hey ho! She lives next door to MIL2B and has the perfect husband perfect job and perfect kids whereas we muddle our way through life and she doesn't approve!
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Beginner March 2008
SunnyDaze · 22 April, 2008 at 08:49
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quote:Originally posted by loobyg

His sister doesn't like me as she really liked his ex but the feeling is pretty mutual so hey ho! She lives next door to MIL2B and has the perfect husband perfect job and perfect kids whereas we muddle our way through life and she doesn't approve!
id="quote">

I dislike SIL's husband, who thinks I shouldn't support any football or rugby team... And would probably disapprove if he knew that I have kept my own surname.
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Beginner March 2015
samtom · 22 April, 2008 at 08:50
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I cancelled my last wedding due to stress, most of this was caused by OH's mum and one of his sistrs.

Don't get me wrong, I get on with his mum (and maybe even his sister) but can't spend to much time with them.

So far i've been TOLD i'll be having OH's niece as BM, TOLD what colours she will and won't wear, TOLD if certain people (who we see perhaps every 18 months) don't get an invite then MIL2B wont be coming either (just for the record she's not contributing, otherwise I could understand her attitude)

Last time we were planning OH's mum said she wanted to pay for my wedding dress, I said no as my Mum was paying for it (but hadn't given me the money at the time), OH's mum then pushed £50 through the letter box with a note saying this is for the dress (she knew it cost close to £500) and then told everyone that she had paid for my dress. My mum was not impressed?

I could go on and on about his family, but i'll stop there?
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Beginner March 2008
SunnyDaze · 22 April, 2008 at 08:55
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Samtom: I nearly called off mine too. MIL2B was the same with trying to make me have her grandkids as BMs too and tried to stop me having any young boys doing anything, because they 'hate boys'.

Like you, the ILs paid for NOTHING.
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Beginner September 2004
mrsfirth · 22 April, 2008 at 09:32
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quote:Originally posted by SunnyDaze
quote:Originally posted by mrsfirth
My H knows how I feel regarding his parents and doesn't push the issue.
id="quote">

I think H knows how I feel about them to a certain extent, but not enough... I think it might hurt him if he knew.

id="quote">My H had to know exactly how I feel about them because we reached a point where I was going to walk out and leave him after only 12 months of marriage. He knows that I will tolerate them to a certain extent, but he also knows that I won't stand for any nonsense from them.
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Beginner March 2008
SunnyDaze · 22 April, 2008 at 09:34
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This sounds a bit sad on my part as if I am a loser, but I think I might need to see a counsellor to help me cope with them... even just thinking about them distresses me.

I was very cross to hear that they boasted about their wealth to my guests at the wedding... WTF is all that about? It's not as if they spent any on our wedding or their son!
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Beginner April 2008
MrsSpringbok2B · 22 April, 2008 at 09:42
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And there I was whinging about not having any young kids in the family to have as bridesmaids / pageboys [laugh
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Beginner March 2008
SunnyDaze · 22 April, 2008 at 09:44
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quote:Originally posted by MrsSpringbok2B
And there I was whinging about not having any young kids in the family to have as bridesmaids / pageboys [laugh
id="quote">

You want to rent some ILs from hell? Hey, why don't I give you some money to take them away from me!
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Beginner April 2008
MrsSpringbok2B · 22 April, 2008 at 09:50
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quote:Originally posted by SunnyDaze
quote:Originally posted by MrsSpringbok2B
And there I was whinging about not having any young kids in the family to have as bridesmaids / pageboys [laugh
id="quote">

You want to rent some ILs from hell? Hey, why don't I give you some money to take them away from me!
id="quote">

? No, it's ok...you're painting a picture of Damian from the Omen in my mind...it's putting me off slightly ?
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Beginner March 2008
SunnyDaze · 22 April, 2008 at 09:52
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quote:Originally posted by MrsSpringbok2B
quote:Originally posted by SunnyDaze
quote:Originally posted by MrsSpringbok2B
And there I was whinging about not having any young kids in the family to have as bridesmaids / pageboys [laugh
id="quote">

You want to rent some ILs from hell? Hey, why don't I give you some money to take them away from me!
id="quote">

? No, it's ok...you're painting a picture of Damian from the Omen in my mind...it's putting me off slightly ?
id="quote">

No honestly, they're really really lovely... you can have them... Plus they have young grandchildren, so you can have bridesmaids... Just don't invite any boys.. you'll be fine. HONESTLY...TAKE THEM NOW!?
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