Could this be my fault?

Sorry I don't have any advice about the panic attacks - but with regards to your MIL saying the things she did -it's up to your OH to put her totally straight on that matter, it's clearly nothing to do with his location or work.

No I don't think so. But what I absolutely do know is that your MIL should NEVER have said such a thing. There's absolutely no way of her knowing that so to speculate is really cruel.

I have no experience of panic attacks but from what you've said it sounds like it's more likely something at school that's bothering her. Has she seen the doctor? Is she doing ok in her classes, is she getting on ok with her friends?

^ This. If your OH is currently in Scotland (I think you said?) and not Yorkshire - and he frequently moves around with work - then saying G is worrying over the impending move to London isn't really applicable.

I also agree with ATB that it's up to your OH to put his mum straight.

There is no reason to blame yourself at all. As you have said you will still see both of his kids as regularly as you do now and they are at an age where they will start to see there Dad less and less and they gain more independence and their lives become more developed. Panic attacks are horrible crippling things. Thankfully I have never had a full panic attack just the occasional mild anxiety. But I have witnessed my stepdad have an attack and both me and him thought he was having a heart attack. Sometimes with panic attacks there are no real causes or obvious triggers.

Please don't beat yourself up. It sounds like you are a very caring stepmother to them which is exactly what they need. Hopefully it is something she can get through you all just need to keep communicating with each other.

My eldest daughter suffered with them when she was sitting G.C.S.E. she was 15/16. They can happen anywhere at any time. She sometimes had a delayed reaction like she had the preventive cancer jab (can't remember it's name) but she then had a panic attack at night while in bed. The doctors put it down to exam stress and one specific teacher who she didn't get on with. The more she stressed about them the more she had of them. After her exams she didn't get any she's now sitting her final A levels accepted in to leeds law uni and still hasn't had them. She just kind of grow out of them, we didn't make a big deal over them and I couldn't praise the rest of the staff at school enough either.

Make sure you talk to her and keep her in the loop about things. Is she worried about any exams coming up? Or starting her exams? An awful lot of pressure on kids today.

As for your FMIL how the hell does she know what's causing them? Think more going on there like she feels you're taking OH away from her not his daughter.

Hope you get her sorted.

Agree with pretty much everything everyone above has said, and sounds like FMIL (is a bit of a witch) and needs to be put straight by H2B!!!

Hope you manage to get it sorted

Rubbish! Nothing from what you've said points towards the move being a cause of her panic attacks and FMIL should not have said such a thing. Could she be more worried about herself 'losing a son' than her granddaughter?

Agree it's rubbish especially as she is only getting them at school. 14 is a difficult age with GCSEs coming up and just general teenage stresses.

Defo get your OH to speak to her, she sounds lovely btw! ?

It certainly doesn't sound as if it is the move that is causing her panic attacks. If there is a cause at all, which isn't necessarily the case, it is more likely to be something occurring at school whether that be pressure of school work or bullying. However, I don't think your FMIL is necessarily saying it is the move in order to be vindictive or mean. I suspect that she is anxious about your h2b moving away from her and is projecting that onto G.

I had the same accusation levelled at me regarding my daughter as some hitchers already know and it is absolute rubbish so please don't concern yourself that you are causing these attacks. I would make a real effort to find out what, if anything, is worrying her at school and ignore FMIL's comments entirely xx

Thanks everyone. I do think you have hit the nail on the head about this being about her not about her grand daughter. All of H2Bs family have lived in the same village forever so the thought of H2B leaving I think is what is unsettling her. We will have a house locally as long as the kids are around but once they go off to uni, unless we have managed to find work locally, we will probably spend more time down south. I don't understand why she couldn't just say that to him. He would reassure her that we will always make trips up for anything and ultimately are hoping to be living back north at some point.

She made a big deal a couple of months ago about the fact that H2B wasn't going to be up north for his Dad's birthday. Week before and week after yes but not the actual day. I felt really bad as she was crying down the phone so suggested we travel up again (its very tiring travelling 8 hours every weekend when you work full time too) until H2B pointed out that he hadn't seen his Dad for his birthday anytime during the last ten years. His dad doesn't celebrate his birthday.

H2B does put her straight but it is upsetting that someone keeps insinuating things are my fault. In terms of G, she hates exams but is a grade A student. She hasn't any exams this year though. A few years ago (before my time) she had to stop competing in gym competitions as she couldn't cope with the stress of it. Hated losing and 'being judged'. So I think she is something of a stress person anyway. I just hate to think I might in some way be making it worst.

I also don't like 'not being liked' if that makes sense so the fact that FMIL clearly doesn't like me is not great - especially when I haven't done anything! But H2B does most definitely put her in her place by saying don't be stupid and generally ignoring what has been said.

I don't have much to add other than to say I agree with everyone else, this doesn't sound like it has anything to do with you at all.

I suffer with panic attacks to the point where I'm almost housebound and I had to give up my job last year because of it. Before they started though I was absolutely fine. OH and I had been living together for a while in a nice flat in the middle of a lovely little town, I had an ok job but one that I really enjoyed and I was happy. The panic attacks came out of no where for me and maybe it's the same for your OH's daughter.

I'm a natural born worrier like her too so maybe it's just that we're both more likely to suffer from stress and anxiety becuase of that.

Just wanted to add that this definitely isn't your fault. Panic attacks can start for a whole number of reasons and sometimes there's no specific cause or reason for them. I can understand though that it may be very scary for you all and her FMIL, especially if no one has experience of panic attacks before, it may be that she's trying to find reasons for it and that, coupled with the fact she's worried herself about her son moving away, has made her blame this.

Don't feel guilty, it definitely wouldn't be your fault. They might go away of their own accord if there's a 'trigger' factor at school or she might be able to find some coping mechanisms that will help but just having support will help her. One thing I would suggest though is it may help not to make a big 'deal' of the attacks (though I know this is hard), if people are fussing around her, paying more attention to her or she feels like things are going to change because of her this could all increase her anxiety (though it's different for everyone).

It sounds like you're a lovely step mother and you're both working hard to find the best solution for you all. Don't worry about your FMIL, she's probably feeling upset about everything too and taking it out on your oh, I'm sure she'll come round.

Broganj, I'm really to sorry to her about yours, I hope you're ok

Sorry to hear you have had to deal with this.

I am also a sufferer of panic attacks. I just wanted to add to the OP as others have that this is NOT your fault. Panic attacks happen for so many reasons that it is hard to determine exactly what the initial cause is. For me, when I had my first one I was watching one born every minute with my OH and enjoying a bag of crisps! From that initial panic attack, I have had them while driving, when alone at home, when at work etc. They are a random occurence which I am learning to keep under control. I am also a natural worrier so could have stemmed from that.

Please don't blame yourself.

I have/had panic attacks, a period in my teens (exam time) and then again after my car accident. my stressors varied GREATLY from social outings to being about my health. Mines were control based, i have a phobia of vomit, dentist and general health problem. Knowing what minefield these phobias are like, i really wouldn't think your moving and marriage wouldn't be a major issue. It may represent change and cause stress that way but I think i would be a projection of a different fear. without knowing the girl all I do is guess :/

at the root of it all though, its isn't ONE thing she's panicking over. I tend to find anxiety attacks were the resulted of snowballed problems.

is she seeking help? counseling or trying some 'kalms'?