Crapola Day - anyone fancy coffee on the self pity sofa?

Hey there, sorry to hear you are having a rubbish day. I will join you for coffee, although I may end up depressing you further... my self pity if for the following reasons:

1. I am due on which is making me totally unreasonable and snappy.

2. I am fat and on a diet, but its going sooooo slowly, plus diets make me miserable (but the fact that I have put on a stone makes me more miserable).

3. I keep rowing with boyf (totally my fault - see points 1 & 2) and I fear he has just about had enough of me.

4. I am getting truly fed up with my lodgers, but need the rent to pay the bills.

5. I hate hate hate my job, but can't find another one.

6. I have a hangover.

7. I miss my friends who are still not speaking to me.

8. My ex husbands brother keeps sending me nasty text messages. I don't know how he even has my number...

9. I got my decree nisi last week, which is good, but made me feel a bit sad.

It's all pretty trivial stuff, but combined is making me feel a bit rubbish.

Budge up, i'll join you if you dont mind!

Am 23weeks pregnant but decidedly un-pregnant looking. Just looks like i've got far too good a relationship with pies.

Am 23 weeks pregnant and got facial neuralgia which I can only take paracetamol for and its not even touching it (owwwwwwwww).

People keep making me feel quilty about not being the same person I was before I got pg, as in 'you were the life and soul, now look at you, you're not the person you used to be!' Well yeeeeees, you try feeling crapola for 23 weeks straight and see how frikkin great you feel!

Thanks, I do feel a little better after that!

Hugs and sympathy all round. Have some cake, that's what i'm gonna do anyway

In fact, i'll not get too close on the sofa to you if you dont mind Clairy with you having shingles. Im pregnant dontcha know lol.

So i'll move off the sofa and go and take a seat in the self-pity-hermetically-sealed-booth, just over there (haha).

Me too,

sorry to hear you are all having a crappie day. I am super pissed off for pathetic reasons but anyway

1. NO MONEY - credit crunch is ***

2. It's cold and raining - my horses look fed up

3. Husbands ex wife is a Twonk who is playing stupid games again

4. am FAT and need to lose weight = diet = no nice food :-(

5. Horses need worming and shoes and back to number 1 reason for being fed up

hope this credit crunch ends soon

Can I join you?

This ddivorce thing is working on my nerves. I am totally stressed, worrying about it today to the extent that I can't put my mind to work, of which I have loads. Worried about money - I feel like with all this going down I am never going to be solvent again. And my mum is going into hospital on Monday aand I'm worried about her too.

Gawd, this is a miserable thread, huh ? Hope you all feel better soon ?

Know any good jokes?

The M69 walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint. Barman is shocked and suprised, but serves him his pint which the M69 downs in one and orders another.

a few moments later the doors fly open and the M5 walks in. He bangs his fist on the bar, gives the M69 a dirty look and says "I'm the busiest motorway in this pub, give me a pint." Again, the barman looks perplexed, but serves the M5 his drink which he downs in one.

A few moments later, the doors bash open and the M25 squeezes through the door. He says, in a deep gruff voice, eyeing up the M69 and the M5 distastefully "I'm the busiest motorway in this pub, give me a beer!" Again the barman obliges.

After an uncomfortable silence, the doors open again. In minces a thin strip of path. The M69, the M5 and the M25 all swap anxious glances and begin to tremble.

The barman is bemused. "What's the issue?" he says "you're all big, busy motorways, he's just a skinny strip of red path - what's the problem?"

The M25 gulps and starts to cry. "But he's a cycle path" he says ....

Divorce is very crap. Hope your mum is ok xx

Boom boom, Clairy ?

May I tell my all-time favourite politically incorrect joke?

Read no further if easily offended.

What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little girl?

"Would you like to buy a sweetie?"

?? Soph. I have another in a similar vein. It's in really, really poor taste...

Don't read any further if easily offended

What's pink and hairy and goes up and down in a pram?

A paedophiles arse ?

Hugs to all those who need them.

I'm having a crap week too but minor compared with y'all.

Work is mental as as boss is on holiday so I'm in charge and the other senior is off sick.

Rhys displayed his best revolting toddler behaviour at HV this morning and just as I bundled him up to leave, had a nappy leak so had to strip down and start the whole bundling and tantruming process all over.

I seem to have some kind of compulsive eating thing going on this week, I guess it's the cold snap but if it's edible, I'll fight you for it. I feel really grim.

1. Uni is rubbish (but that will pass once assignment a is in), in that its turning a subject love into something very dull indeed

2. The training course at my new job is like being back at school. The trainer thinks I have about 4 brain cells. Its a bit demoralising tbh.

3. We are poor and away this weekenf for stag/hen things. I know I'll have fun, but would rather spend the money on something fun with Mr P.

4. Due to money, have not been shopping in an age and am starting to look like a serious scruff. This is very superficial, but getting me down.

5. The student loan company are losers who have still not given me any money.

Hugs to those with more 'serious' problems. I think I'll go for a wee walk and a coffee to see if I can shake this off.

Oh God Clairy, shingles can be bloody nasty. You've got quite a lot to be dealing with lovey. ?

[hugs] to everyone else too.

I've been landed a nasty piece of work by one of my partners, who has swanned off on holiday having assured me that the deal was straightforward and nearly done, only for me to realise that he clearly hasn't looked at the structure properly, otherwise he would of course realise that the deal is impossible to do legally in its current structure, and will therefore have to be entirely restructured. TODAY! (client's year end is tomorrow, so it must get done by then). Argh. [bangyheadman]

Also, things in my personal life are making me sad- I'll fill in properly later once I have the time and so I can be around to delete/ troll-bash as necessary. ?

Jokes, right you asked for it! (Have to admit these are from Popbitch, so can't take credit)

Old Jokes Home:

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a tree

in the distance. As they get nearer they see its draped

with rasher upon rasher of juicy bacon.

"Hey Pepe", says the first man.

"Ees a bacon tree, we're saved!"

Then he runs to the tree but is gunned down

in a hail of bullets.

"What happened?" shouts Pepe. With his last breath,

his friend shouts "Run amigo, ees not a bacon tree.

Ees a ham bush."

Three parrots are for sale.

They cost £100, £200 and £15.

A woman asks "Why is that parrot so cheap?"

The shopkeeper replies, "because it used to

live in a brothel."

The woman thinks its funny and buys the parrot.

When she gets home the parrot says,

"F**k me a new brothel!"

The woman laughs.

Her two daughters come home, the parrot says

"F**k me new prossies!" The girls laugh.

The husband come home and the parrot says

"F**k me Keith i haven't seen you for weeks".

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk

"I hope the porn channel is my room is disabled?"

She says "No sir, it's just regular porn. You sick ***."

You know where we are if you want to chat.

? and ? to those who need it xx

Hope you're OK Lou, am thinking of you ?

and I PMSL at the ham bush joke ??

? Big hugs to all who need them. Sophie, how long will your mum be in for?

I'm feeling a bit pants as we've had some bad news about MrHs financial situation and I'm getting to the point where I don't think there is any way out of it all.

I'm also getting really angry about loads of things but at least i've managed to realise its a diversionary tactic to put my stress elsewhere. Sometimes I actually wish I could pass over a list of people I want to disappear to a higher power, and it would happen. Like a once ina lifetime veto. I think that would make things much better.