Curious questions about FMIL?

I think each to their own. I'm very lucky as my FMIL is really friendly and supportive; she came dress shopping with me and my mum (along with my SIL who is the only bridesmaid) and has offered to help with anything she can.

I haven't quite figured out the logistics, but I think me, my mum, MIL, SIL and dad will be getting ready at my folks on the morning of the wedding, while the rest of the boys will be getting sorted at our house. Both households are within 10 minutes of the venue and there's nowhere to get ready there.

Wow your FMIL sounds lovely ?
I think it's really nice that she's been so supportive, I have heard some horror stories about FMIL's!

Tbh mine hasn't been awful, but then she's not been brilliant either.
She came wedding dress shopping with me once and told me that I looked silly in pretty much every dress (even stating one was rather 'tent sized'!!) so that was the end of that.
I took her to see our evening venue which she said "would do if we couldn't find anywhere else", but she hasn't really offered to help with anything like setting up or go shopping etc.
The only thing she's really done is annoy my OH when she told him that he couldn't stay at his old house the night before the wedding as she didn't want the stress of him being there!
She won't be getting ready with us as she likes to nit pick and she does sometimes rub me up the wrong way (I think it's more a personality clash than her doing it deliberately though).

Mine was very involved as well. My parents live in Germany, so they couldn't be so involved (and to be honest I also don't think it's their "thing"), but my MIL came with me to dress appointments and was so helpful when it came to getting someone's opinion, she came to some venues with us as well to get her opinion. There were things my OH wasn't so interested in where I relied on my MIL for advice. She was very involved in so many steps of the planning, dress, decorations, invites, cake etc.

However, she didn't get ready with me, as my mum and best friend helped me with that. We couldn't have done without my MIL though as she picked up my OH in the morning to take him back to our house and dropped my mum off at the hotel we were staying etc.

We are generally quite close, we help her out a lot since she separated from her husband a year ago and she also helps us whenever we need her. We also think the wedding gave her something positive to focus on and keep busy, as her marriage ending was and still is very difficult for her.

My FMIL has been much more interested than my mum. Neither will be attending as we are marrying abroad and no mum isn't upset she can't be there, just has no interest. FMIL offered to pay for my wedding jewellery and shop with me for leather gloves to match my fur jacket. I already had my dress when I told everyone and everything was already booked. FMIL Asks questions, takes an interest, is excited for us.

She was also a lot more supportive to me through chemo whereas mum ignored it and pretended it wasn't happening.

I think it's simply they have different personalities. I didn't expect my family to have any interest and they haven't. Mum is very negative all the time. FMIL has a different attitude, can't understand my mums and tries to make up for it.

Mine had no involvement in our wedding. She lives at the other end of the country and we had only been dating 6 months when we got engaged, so at that point I could count on my hands the number of times I had met her. She didn't contribute financially, which I wouldn't have expected as I know my parents are a bit better off, and didn't know anything much about the plans other than when and where. As far as I know this was fine with her, given that we weren't well acquainted it would have been odd to try to involve her in things like my dress.

Your FMIL sounds lovely!

Mine is not super involved nor is she not interested, she’s not got the kind of relationship with my H2B where she they speak all the time etc we see them once every few weeks and every time we go over there she asks how things are going with the wedding and if there’s anything she can do to let her know. She didn’t come dress shopping with me and won’t be getting ready with us (I’d be very surprised if she wanted to!) - she’s more heavily involved with my BIL2B and his kids so, from speaking to H2B, shes going to be spending the morning of the wedding ferrying them round etc which isn’t a problem, just how the relationship is!

Aww your FMIL sounds lovely, I'm not incredibly close to my FMIL as my OH isn't, but we do have a nice relationship. I've decided that I just want to do my dress shopping with my mum and no one else because my mum is my best friend

I do want to include my FMIL somehow to make her feel involved, but she's 77 (had my OH late in life) so I don't really want to be dragging her around shops ... I'm sure I'll come up with something x

My FMIL has been great so far although she's struggled a bit to get her head around the whole 'informal wedding' concept. e.g. not really understanding why we're not having a best man, bridesmaids, formal speeches etc (there's only 17 guests!). I think she's realised that it's a battle which won't be won and sort of understands the logic that we want our guests to be there to enjoy themselves and not be 'working' for us so apart from the odd subtle comment hasn't made a fuss about it.

Anyway, as we don't want any gifts H2Bs parents have paid for our outfits and some other bits and pieces for the day but have not tried to influence our choices which is great.

FMIL has also bought my clutch bag however is lending it to me as my 'something borrowed'. I'm only really having the old/new/borrowed/blue concept as a sort of compromise for not having any of the other formal traditions that she's mentioned before. In reality this one thing doesn't really make a difference to the day so I'm happy with it.

FMIL has been to all my dress appointments so far, not just because they're paying but because I asked her to accompany me. My Mum lives ~200 miles away so it's not really practical for her to come down here and tag along with me and it's been nice not to go alone.

I'd say overall she/they've been great.

Wow everyone has such different experiences. I thought there may have been a traditional way to do things, so the FMIL does some things and the mother would do others, but it doesn't look like that's the case here. That makes me feel happy that I'm not having to do anything different than others! :-)

My FMIL actually lives in Germany so she hasn't been involved at all really, but we've seen her twice this year and everytime we've seen her there have been more pictures to show her, and she's really interested but understand that she can't just pop over to look at dresses, and going over there soon for her birthday and I have been instructed to show her pictures of dresses.

I am not sure how involved she'd be if she was living here though. I would include her, but, not sure if she'd want to be as she's been mother of the bride, but because she's not, I've made a massive effort in telling her things I may have forgotten about had she been down the road.

Yes you do have a wonderful FMIL, and I think the present will be enough, especially if it is in anyway sentimental.

My mother was in the US and we were married in Australia. My MIL was very upfront about the fact she had already made her other DIL and daughter's bridesmaid dresses, flower dresses, etc. and that she wasn't going to do that for us. She also said she couldn't be excited about our wedding whilst her daughter's marriage was on the rocks. Charming.

Her sister (my OH's aunt) was outstanding though - very supportive, excited, made our wedding cake, hosted a breakfast the morning after the reception, etc.

I think a gift is a lovely idea. It's so great to have someone so supportive, and I am sure she's thrilled to have you join the family.

Sounds like you have a lovely FMIL there!

Mine is a nice enough woman, but to put it bluntly I already have a mum. My FMIL is making our cake and singing at our ceremony, and has been shown plenty of things to do with the wedding. She's seen our reception venue too. But she didn't come dress shopping and she wont be getting ready with me.The only people who've seen my dress are my mum and sister (I have 3 other BMs who haven't) and that's how I'd like it to stay. I just would like to have some things that are just for my mum, as we are close.

I would say yours is going above and beyond but that's certainly not a bad thing, especially considering your circumstances. I think it's really nice of her

My FMIL hasn't really had much to do with the wedding. She came on a dress shopping trip, I asked her because I thought she might want to be included, but I felt she accepted to please me rather than because she wanted to.

She also gave us £300 towards the wedding.

You're clearly onto a winner with your FMIL, and I think a gift is a lovely idea for her.

I think you have a nice FMIL!

Mine generally hasn't been involved. She thinks she is selfless and caring but the truth is she is very negative and likes to moan. She wasn't involved in any dress choices as she got married in Salvation army uniform as forced by her father. She thinks a dress is a total waste of money and frivilous (ie she is jealous)

On everything else when we have mentioned it, she has generally looked at us as if we are mad or moaned about it. Her eyebrows came off her head at hearing I was making a speech, when we were having a cream tea she complained she can't eat bread (we offered her an alternative but no, she is being a martyr), she doesn't like the fact we are spending a lot of money as its a waste (but she DID like the photo of the vintage car we have!)

I actually think as she is 85 part of it is her upbringing and part of it is that she just likes moaning!

I did offer her to come to our hotel for her hair and make up to be done with us then going back to her family but she declined and is using her normal hairdresser. I offered. I thought that was good of me.

It is worth mentioning that they have paid for the cake and she has agreed to do the church reading (after complaining that no one wanted to listen to an old woman and she would mess it up and maybe it would be best if she didn't until my OH got on his knees and begged her......)

You get the idea.... I do see the real her at times - I just think she is frustrated her body is letting her down and she has nothing to do/others are doing more now.... there is a nice person underneath and I like her but please, give me strength! Lol! We have got a lovely embroidered hanky and flowers for her on the day.

Mine has told us 'she's just a guest', 'it's not like it's a special occasion' and 'what is the point in coming if you won't let me friends come?'. (These are the friends that are the first to turn up for a piss up, then get loud and lary, their husbands tried to start a punch up with our friends at our engagement but when she actually needs support they all run for the hills - at her mums funeral recently none where to be seen and when i asked if she'd seen any of them they have all been 'too busy' to come support their 'friend'. Bet if there was a piss up they'd be there in SECONDS...)

So yeh, she's going to turn up on the day and thats about it!

I'm not currently on good terms with my own mother, it's a long story so my FMIL came dress shopping with me, along with her sister. My PiL have paid a sizable chunk towards the wedding as a whole, for which we are really grateful. I did originally ask my FMiL to help me dress on the day, but I'm now having a couple of bridesmaids and my family will be getting ready with me. I've made sure to consult my FMiL on things too, she doesn't have any daughters and I wanted to give her that mother-daughter experience. Personally, I don't think there's any "traditional" roles nowadays.

Mine done nothing apart from cause upset x

Mine is a nice lady and we get on well but she can be quite negative and very opinionated! (She has been through a tough time in recent years). I normally let any comments slide because I know she isn't trying to be unkind. I'm in the early stages of planning so not sure how much to involve her. We chose our wedding venue without involving her (didn't involve my own parents either though- just took them to see it after we decided) but trying to arrange for her to come and see it another time. Probably with the dress I will only take my own mum and sister to choose but then have FMIL come to one of the fittings. It's not that I don't want her there it's just that I would find it overwhelming deciding on a dress with so many other opinions. I'm planning on inviting her to wedding fayres and perhaps going shopping with her to get her own outfit too, as I know she appreciates being involved. She and my mum get on pretty well too which helps :-)

Your MIL sounds wonderful lovely.

I love my MIL and do get on with her really well. She hasn't had much involvement but that's only due to living 100 miles away from us. (OH family live 100 miles from us). But we keep her updated as much as we can.

At the same time my own mother hasn't been that involved but that's mainly because when she gets a bit excitable and tries to take over.