Depression

Oh MY have a huge huge from me. Admitting it is the first step to getting better.

Why are you against pills? If you had a chest infection you wouldn't fuss about taking antibiotics and likewise if you are depressed then there are tablets to make you better.

I suppose it all depends on the situation. I suffered with depression when I was younger (I think I have posted before about self harming) but looking back I don't think the anti-depressants actually helped me. It was more about being removed from the situation that was having the biggest effect on my mood.

I think its something that is always there in some degree. I have days where I still feel like I cant get out of bed and I cant stop crying but the difference being I am able to pull myself out of those ruts now. You will get there. Promise. x

Big hug from me MY x

I routinely take myself on and off my tablets when I am feeling better and like I can cope and I beat myself up about both taking them and stopping I have been in this cycle for about four years. I ' know' I should just take them and forget about it but my suborness makes me think I can 'be normal' without taking them. Life is constantly changing and if a little pill a day helps to keep things steady there is no shame in it.

(Please don't quote me)

Thanks Mini. The pills aversion is because I don't want to become dependant on anything, and from what I understand they're not a short term fix. When I quit smoking I refused to use nicotine substitutes, when I lost weight I refused to use diet pills, so I guess it's an extension of that - does that make sense?

I was reluctant to take any meds for the same reasons as you MY, didn't really see how a tablet was going to solve things. But when I lost a lot of my hair due to the stress of the whole situation something had to give so I took the tablets and never looked back. Other things that helped were having things in my diary to look forward to and just making sure I got up, dressed and out of the house even if it was just taking the dog round the block. But you're already very active aren't you? When I'm depressed I honestly could stay in bed for weeks, which is a slippery slope.

I did have a few episodes whilst I was pregnant and obviously was reluctant to go back onto meds then and still wouldn't know as I'm BFing. I don't think it ever truly leaves you 100% but it does get easier to recognise the signs and try and do something about it in the early stages. Talking to others in the same situation helped me, and my GP was very supportive too. My H didn't really understand it at first; on paper I had nothing to be feeling down about. But it's not as simple as that.

I could write an essay on this, but for me medication got me stable enough to be able to properly engage with therapy. Therapy has taken me from 'just about getting by' to feeling pretty happy and confident, but I think I would slip back down the slope pretty quickly without medication (as has happened when I have stopped taking the medication before). I will happily take the meds for the rest of my life if it stops me from feeling the way I did for most of my life.

I am really against pills (for me, obviously not for everyone!) and I can't explain why I just have avoided them at all costs. I also had counselling and it was awful and I hated it. I have had a few bad experiences with doctors so I think I'm just against any intervention. I cope with it by myself (however right or wrong that may be!) and I cope.

I knew I had depression after a few months and I've always had it since, it doesn't go away, just comes and goes. I also get very anxious and panicky and I think I may have OCD (mildly). I find that when I am under stress i tend to rely on others (ie when buying our house my brother sorted most of our paperwork and he was 18. I physically couldn't cope) I could just go to bed and not get up. If the house is needing a good clean, I shut myself away in bed and hate myself for it. Saying that I can have amazing days where I feel like a different person.

It's important for you to deal with it in your own way. If that is counselling, tablets, writing a diary etc then do it. Don't ever feel bad for helping yourself get better. Personally I find being with my family, writing lists and plans, baking/reading (or other hobby) and just talking with H (and being on here) helps massively.

I posted a little while ago about all this and I mentioned when I was 17 I attempted suicide, it's obviously not something I'm proud of but it was my turning point, I had no idea how bad things had gotten until then. Thankfully I've never been back there and I hope I never will. If it comes to it, I will look into medication, I would never rule it out all together. I've had a bad few months last year with illness and these past few haven't been great either and I find being in control and organised helps me. I clean a little every day, write a to do list and try to stay on top of college work, if I feel myself slipping, I talk to H or come on here. I also do a photo a day on an app on my phone, I write a little about every day and an open about everything so I can look back and see the good and bad points and I've found that quite good too.

sorry I've rambled on, hope you find the help you need.

MY I'm so glad you've come on here and said how you feel.

I think it would be really worth speaking to your GP about how you feel if you haven't already. Although I think you should remain positive about the councelling as it is early days and it might work really well for you without the need for anything else.

My mum has been on anti-depressants in the past (no longer needsd them), my sister is currently on them and my OH's dad has been on them in the past too. The person I'm closest to in relation to talking about depression with is my sister, and I can honestly say that I have seen a huge difference in her since she started taking them.

Either way, it's brilliant that you're talking about it and seeking help/guidance.

Hugs.

Hi MY,

I've also suffered quite badly from depression. Have you talked to your GP about it?

I think sometimes pills are neccessary. I was first diagnosed when I was 17 with 'mild depression'. My GP suggested that just a bit of counselling would work, but I was off to Uni later in the year and put it off. Unfortunately it just got worse from there. I have really bad anxiety and by the end of the year I was having a couple of panic attacks a day, I was crying constantly, I was harming myself, I slept at most three hours a night, I ate very little- sometimes only a bar of chocolate a day if my roommate could persuade me to. I couldn't even enjoy going out with my friends, I felt like I wasn't there or I imagined they were talking about me. I was well and truly rock bottom and I couldn't see a way out at all.

I was also determined at the beginning to not go on medication but by that point I would have done anything to make it stop. My mum made me go back to the gp who then told me I have 'severe' depression. She persuaded me that medication with counselling would be the way to go and my mum said the same when I got back. So I went on the pills and they actually worked... they don't fix everything but I was able to see clearly. I started being able to eat and sleep again and my panic attacks went away. I went to counselling but I didn't like my counsellor so quit. But I wish I'd stuck with it and I think it's really good you're seeing someone.

I don't think anyone's really 'cured' but I know some people have a period of depression and then it never comes back. but the majority I know it's something that's there all the time. but you won't be 'depressed' all the time. I have good periods and bad periods but I've never had a bad period so bad that I've had to go on medication again. You start to recognise the signs of slipping and sometimes that's enough to pull yourself back out. i'm going through a particularly bad point at the moment, but I'm aware that I have a lot on at the moment and that this is likely to get better when it all calms down. If it doesn't though, I will be heading back to the doctor.

I think Counselling is really helpful though, and some people may not need pills. but if your GP suggests them I think it's worth thinking about. I wouldn't worry about dependency either. You need to take them as long as you need, but I was able to come off after a year and a half because I kept forgetting to take them. It got to a point where I felt the same whether I'd had one or not and doctor said that was fine.

I think it's a really good thing that you're talking about it, even if it's just on here. xxxx

Wow - so many heartfelt and informative responses, I love you otters ?

At the moment, it doesn't interfere with my life too much, at least not on the surface. I'm very good at hiding my emotions, I have been my whole life, even as a child I rarely cried. Although that's a good thing as it means I get to keep my privacy, it also means that nobody has any idea how I really feel. Some days when it's a really bad day I will phone in sick to work, and say that I have food poisoning, or a migraine, etc. However, most of the time I am able to force myself to get dressed and go, with much persuasion from H. It's at the weekends that things really go to pot, I can come home on a Friday and not leave my bed until the Monday morning, we have no tv in our room so that means that I literally just lie in an empty room for days drifting in and out of sleep. Then it's Monday again and I'm annoyed with myself for not achieving anything over the weekend, not getting out, not getting anything done.

Then come the high periods...weeks and weeks of starting new projects, exercising, a good diet, losing weight, having fun. I always feel as if I've 'beaten' it during these points and then when it swallows me up again I feel like such a failure. There's a link between diet/exercise and my depression, but it's a chicken and egg scenario where I'm not sure if the exercise and good diet makes me feel better, or if when I feel better I am able to make more effort with my diet and exercise. Today I actually feel ok, I think I will break the cycle again for a little while, so things seem to be on the up again. I'm leaving my job in about ten weeks to retrain as a teacher, and as my job is currently very stressful and makes me unhappy I'm hoping that I'll soon see a change in my moods.

Somebody asked about hobbies; I like reading, listening to music, and I guess exercise would be a hobby of mine - not that I've done any lately. I've signed up for a half marathon in October, and entered the ballot for the London marathon 2014, so hopefully this provides a bit of focus. I'm also planning to start Spanish lessons in the evening next week, which should keep me occupied. Sometimes I feel that unless I have something to focus on it creeps back in, but at the same time I don't want to have to invent projects my whole life, sometimes it would be nice to just be.

Last point that I should have mentioned is that we will be TTC again as of November, so any pills would have to be pregnancy friendly.

?

You have so much going on in your life, I am not surprised you are struggling a bit.

Have you had a chat to your doctor yet? Not necessarily to start pills now but just to chat and see what your options are.

I have spoken to my doctor, that's how I ended up being referred for counselling. I really don't like the doctor I seen though, I get the impression she thinks I'm a bit of a drama queen. I like my normal doctor and would go to him if I wanted to discuss further options. The problem is that by the time I manage to get an appointment I'm usually past the worst and don't feel up for talking about it. The pregnancy thing is the main issue with pills if I'm honest, I've looked and even the less potent ones still carry a risk to both mum and baby.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, and for always giving me somewhere that I can talk to people on my darkest days. For now I'm going to persevere with the counselling, and she is also talking to her colleagues about CBT for me. Hopefully, counselling, cutting out binge drinking, and a career change should be enough to get me through. If things don't improve then I'll consider pills.

When I had depression in 2004, I was adamant that I didn't want tablets. I was bothered I would become a "zombie" on them - I didn't realise that I was a zombie anyway, totally flat and lifeless. H, who was just a friend at the time, persuaded me to just try the medication arguing that as I was asthmatic, I took medication every day to control that so why was this any different?

The tablets made a massive difference to me - I also backed it up with a bit of counselling to talk about things to someone who wasn't involved, who wasn't getting caught up in the situation.

Touch wood, I have never been depressed since, and once I came off the tablets, I haven't been back on them.

Sending a huge ? to you, and a large "well done" for coming here and talking about it. That's a massive first step.

I used to write it all down in a diary so that if I couldn't remember how things were I could take that to the Dr and it would help prompt me to talk about how I felt when I was down.

The diary also helped me realize what trigger points I had and therefore I could start to try and avoid them or the situations causing me to get down.

Hi MY...I have suffered with depression since I was 16 (Im now in my 40's). I would have an "episode" where I would shut myself away, not see or speak to anyone, not eat, cry and then would come out of it and continue as normal as I could.

I finally went to the docs when I was almost 30 after a really bad episode where I lost the ability to speak properly. I was put on Prozac, didn't take them properly but then found out I was pregnant so stopped them.

After having my baby I was vile, so angry and destructive that my partner contacted the doctor and they treated me for post natal so back on the pills.

I have been on and off them for years now, have had therapy and CBT all of which I feel were a waste of time. My focus now is how I look (I am body dysmorphic and cannot look in a mirror). When I forget to take the pills I am angry and vile to those I love.

Depression is not just about mental state, it is also to do with chemicals in the brain being off balance. This is what the pills are for, to replicate the lost chemicals. They will not mend your depression, I am still trying to find the solution to that one! but the tablets take the edge off it. I am not addicted to my medication.

Hope you can find some comfort in all the positive messages on here.

Good Luck x

I work as a clinical psychologist and had the urge to respond to your post. Firstly, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing depression. You are right, drinking alcohol does make depression worse...... even on the most basic level, alcohol is a depressant.

In terms of treatments:

there is a huge difference between counselling and talking therapies (although they are sometimes used interchangeably). Counselling is not an evidence based treatment for depression. I am pleased to hear your counsellor is looking in to CBT and I would stick with it for this reason. CBT is the most common evidence based treatment for depression although there many others too so if CBT doesn't work out then there are other options (CBT doesn't suit everyone). So, at the moment, I would say you are not being treated until you start receiving an evidence based talking therapy or taking an antidepressant.

Depression is treatable or "curable" and this is demonstrated by a mountain of research. Although people who have experienced depression are more prone to relapses in the future so there is a good change you will be successfully treated but you will be left vulnerable to getting it again (although, with future relapses you go in to it more knowledgeable ie you know the signs earlier on and you know what works for you).

Depression has a number of severities and depending on the severity depends on the course of action. To keep it simple:

With mild depression you can be treated sucessfully with either anti-depressants or talking therapies. And you should be given a choice by your GP (although I understand often this doesn't happen and they encourage the anti-depressants). Talking therapies usually fair better than anti-depressants in trials but the difference is fairly small.

With moderate depression, you can be treated successfully with either anti-depressants or talking therapies but if one doesn't work, you should add the other.

With severe depression, you need to be treated with both anti-depressants and talking therapies in order for it to be successful. Usually the medication helps the person to access the talking therapy that then makes the difference.

Different treatments work best for different people based on what has caused the depression in the first place (which can be complex and multifactorial).

Hope this helps and good luck in your treatment