Devastated. :'(

Are you sure she wants to step down? If you ask her to still be a bm she may be more than thrilled to!

"bridesmaid" is just a title - she will remain your absolute best friend, will still be there for you and your emotions along the way and on the day, and nothing changes except what title she is given, and what she wears.

Why do you think you are alone - has she said that she is running away for the next 8 or 9 months, and for the first 6 months of baba's life???? Has she said that she isn't coming to the wedding? No, she's pregnant, having a baby, and still your friend, watching you get wed. End of.

The only thing that changes is that as well as her putting up with your wedding talk for the next few months, you'll have to put up with her baby bump and nappy contents talk. But then that's what friendship is all about.

If she is really your best friend you should be thrilled for her not deverstated. She's trying to be sensible looking after a baby and running around doing bridesmaid duties all day is probably not going to work. Can she be a witness or do a reading instead?

This.

I get that you're sad, but you haven't lost a friend she's just not going to be wearing a BM dress on the day. You can still incorporate her in pictures and she'll still support you etc.

Why have you chosen the other BMs? I may have misunderstood you, but you don't sound that close to them. You could always replace pregnant bride with another friend you are close to.

She can still help you with wedding stuff, she can even still be your bridesmaid! The only thing is that on the day, make sure she hasnt got much responsibility so she can be with her baby. She can still walk with you down the aisle, just not hold up your dress while you pee.

She can still go dress shopping with you, amd while she may not fancy getting drunk at your hen do, she can still help plan it!

You will both be goung through a MASSIVE time in your lives, which I think being friends of 15 years and so close is incredibly exciting - not gutting.

You can still talk weddings with her, but you will also have to talk babies. Hold each other's hands and this will be a chapter of your friendship to remember...

To be honest, I see no reason not to put her in a BM dress and still call her bridesmaid. Just because you may have to modify what you expect from her on the day (and in the planning stages a bit) doesn't mean she can't still have the title of BM.

Although to be honest, I really expected very little from my bridesmaids - I just wanted them to turn up and have fun. If she's planning on coming anyway (and why wouldn't she), I don't see why she can't wear a BM dress and walk down the aisle with you?

I'm confused.

These quotes imply that it's the OP that has made the decision that the BM should step down, and the BM may still want to do it. Which is correct?

I dont expect big things from them either. She texted me today to tell me she's highly consdidering just coming "as a guest". I'd be happy to put her in a BM dress and just have her turn up 15 mins before the ceremony with her own hair done and walk down the aisle with me and that be the end of it!

I am HUGELY happy for her, this baby is a very welcome additon to her and her partners unit. I know how much she's wantde a family one day and i am OVERJOYED for her. But, I'd be lying if I said I didnt feel upset and gutted she wont be the big part of it I (and we as youger teenagers!!!) always thought it would be.

What did you think it would be as teenagers that is looking to be so different now?

There is nothing here that can truly spoil your day.....it just needs looking at objectively and adjusting slightly!

As said above, she can still shop with you, help plan the hen do etc. There's every chance she can help you with your hair and make up on the day and fasten you into your dress.....heck, she may be desperate for a few minutes "me" time without the baby and be really grateful for the opportunity to disappear into your dressing room with a ready made excuse. (that isn't supposed to be harsh to mums, but as a mum of 20+ years I've had MANY times when I would have been desperate to hand over baby and remember that I am someone other than "mummy" for a few minutes!!).

Give us some ideas why you are so devastated, why it is going to be so bad, and the great and the good of hitched can come up with ideas to help. Or alternatively they can tell you not to be so silly and go pour yourself a glass of wine when you get home and toast the new baby!!

You need to tell her that. She may just be being polite or have the wrong idea of what you'll expect her to do.

Aww Give yourself a couple of days to calm down, and then sit down with her and tell her exactly that; that's she's important to you, that you always wanted her to be there on your big day, and that you would still love for her to be a bridesmaid. Explain that you wouldn't expect the same things from her as you would have before, but you would still love for her to wear a bridesmaid dress (or a dress in the same colour, she might have trouble being fitted for a dress if baby will only be 5 months) and walk down the aisle with you. Even if it stops there, I'm sure you would both be glad in the future that she'd been there. I'm sure her hubby will be able to hold the baby for 5 mins! Don't let it get you down, as others have said, even if she can't do it she is still your best friend!

I know she's really close to you but with a 5 month old baby I think you should just be happy she's going at all.

When you think about it after your bridesmaids have done their duties their pretty much just guests anyway.

Have you though that maybe she stepped down because she thought she was cousing you trouble with the dress sizes? Not saying this is part of the issue at all but she may think that it will be a lot easier as you won't really know her size until about a month before the wedding as being pregnant 2 times myself I know the first few months the body changes in so many ways that maybe she thinks she's doing you a favour?

I never once said that Frootishus asked for her BM to step down. From her OP its clear that BM herself suggested she come as a guest, which is obviously the last thing Frootishus wants!! What I mean is that Frootishus can say to her friend that she can still be a BM, as her friend probably thinks she wont be of much use or help because of being a new mummy, hence me suggesting that on the day she only has little BM responsibility, but can still be involved in the planning and helping Frootishus with any emotional support needed etc.

By the way, in case anyone thinks I am being unrealistic in anything I post on this matter......nope. I have two BMs. One is, I know, trying for a baby.

I get married in 10.5 months. Said BM could be in the throes of morning sickness, could be 8.5 months pregnant and wearing flip flops because her ankles are so swollen, or could be preggers already and be bringing a newborn with her, leaky boobs and all.

Does it mean she can't be my girl? No of course not. What she wears is, of course, as yet undecided, although I have already got her bridesmaids dress. Regardless of her "status" she will always be one of my most special special friends. Her role will be, at the very least, to make sure my dress is not tucked in my knickers as head towards my beloved. She will be at the hen do - either drinking, or not, but she WILL be singing "I will survive" as I did at her hen, and she will do a reading at the ceremony, as planned, during which time baba's daddy can take over the reigns.

This girl was my bridesmaid first time round, when she was just 7.....there is nothing that would leave me devastated, other than her not being able to be there at all. However, if the reason for her not being at my wedding is because she is in the labour ward, I think we might just set up a skype link.....

I can understand how you're feeling - it's a leg of the chair suddenly swiped from under you. But 3 legged stools can be just as stable as chairs if she does decide that being a BM is just too much for her.

The little one is obviously her priority, and staying healthy and not getting stressed is part of that. That doesn't mean she doesn't want to be there for you too, as you know.

I'd suggest you calmly say that you'll support her in whatever she wants to do, but that she's really really welcome in your bridal party. Even if she is not happy/ comfortable with being in a bridesmaid's dress, why not suggest she dresses to match your colour scheme and make her your "best woman" and/or ask her to do a reading or be your witness. As others have said, it's a way to include her in the ceremony and pictures even if she isn't comfortable being a BM.

And I'm sure the two of you will still make lots of time to talk to one another about the big upcoming events in your lives - you've always talked, you still will. ?

It's really difficult to breastfeed in a dress!

Just to clarify - I never said she was asked to step down either. I just meant that maybe she was doing it out of politeness rather than actual desire.

With regards to it being difficult to breastfeed in a dress - could her dress be modified? A detachable strap or something? Then she could still be in the same dress.

Alright, cool. I couldn't work out whether I had misread the situation, or whether other people had.

If the dress in an issue, perhaps one of those multiway dresses may do thw trick? She can wear it in a breastfeeding friendly way, and they look like they may be a bit stretchy and comfy, which is a plus for boobs that swell at numerous times if the day!

Another possibility is that she maybe just doesn't want people looking at her/to be in the photos/the focus of attention - after my first I was so flabby and flobbery and awkward, my boobs were MAHOOOOOOOSIVE so nothing fitted properly and I was constantly covered in milk and sick and I was just utterly, utterly knackered and looked like ***.

Sorry to hear this. My bridesmaid pulled out on Saturday night too for the same reason..except she will only be 5months pregnant. Feeling lost. As people say, they are still friends and that's not in question but it really hurts to feel let down.

I really hope hope it resolves itself.

big hugs

xxx

Ladies PLEASE do NOT feel "let down" when things like this happen.

How hurt do you think your bridesmaids would feel if they thought that you feel let down by them being pregnant!?

It will only hurt you IF YOU ALLOW IT TO. So, don't allow it to!

When I was bridesmaids for my sister last year, one of the other girls had a 3 month old on the day of the wedding. She obviously didn't come to the hen weekend in Berlin (makes me hungover just thinking of it!!) but then she was around during the week when she was on maternity leave so did things with my sister like picking up the dress. Yes, there was a bit of drama with baby sick on the dress before some of the photos but that makes no difference now.

I would just tell her that you would still love for her to be your bridesmaid and how much it would mean to you. If she still decides not to then fair enough. She could maybe do a reading and you can make sure the tog takes a good photo of the both of you

I agree with what others have said here. You need to chat with her - check if she's doing it because she thinks you'll want her to/thinks she'll be expected to have a bigger role, and explain to her you'd be more than happy for her to just turn up, walk down the aisle, pose for some photos and wear an altered version of the BM dresses.

If she's still not happy or comfortable for whatever reason, it's worth putting it into perspective. I don't mean to sound harsh, and I can appreciate, it's upsetting for you, but she's still there, you can still keep her involved in the details, you're still friends and you can have photos with you and her on the day and most importantly, she feels happy and comfortable as well.

One of my bms stepped herself down as found out she pregnant and will be 8.5 months pregnant! I was sad she wasn't part of our day as such but asked her to be a witness and she was thrilled! Also she's still coming to my hen. Still don't over to stick and diy and things you cam still talk about it all.

Come over sorry kindle changed the words!

^This^ exactly. She may have decided that she simply doesn't want to be BM for a variety of reasons it could be that she doesn't feel she can commit to helping you with planning etc or that simply having just given birth that she doesn't want to be drawing attention to herself by being part of the bridal party. By all means talk to her to establish why so if reassurance in needed you can give it but try to respect her decision as well. It was probably very difficult for her to approach you with this.

She'll still be there to share your day.

I have to admit that this was not what I expected from the title of the post.

Yes it's disappointing to not have your friend as your BM but devastating? You still have your friend and she's also about to go through a fantastic life changing event and still attend your wedding.

Please try and put a positive spin on this.

I agree with BAMS, your friend is entitled to become pregnant and to say your devastated is over reacting. You could still have her as bridesmaid, that's if she is comfortable to do so. Be happy for her, I am sure she is happy your getting married.

I was expecting a post about a fiancé being found in bed with a best friend. Or a loss of a close family member. Or some other horrible, sad news.

IMO I think your friend obviously respects you hell of a lot to be able to tell you how she feels about the situation. She clearly wants to be there for the day, and I totally get why she wants to step down as BM.

This is your day... Granted. But, she will still be there for you. She will just be in a different dress. No biggie.

Sorry but I think this is a total overreaction. She's not dead, she's going to be a mum! She can still be there for you, I think you need to take a step back and re-evaluate all this. You won't be alone, she will still be attending and you will still have an amazing day regardless.

This is not devastating. My bridesmaid/ best friend died 6 weeks ago. If she told me at the start of wedding planning she was pregnant instead of saying she had cancer I would of jumped for joy!

A little perspective I think

sorry!