Did you promise to Obey?

Exactly what HC said.

Good grief - agreeing to obey? No way ?

I did do a brief wedding report though, but not nearly as detailed as some of the ones you read over there...

Verily:-

Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be subject in everything to their husbands.

So do as you're bloody well told you heathens!

I promised to love, honour and obey, Mr G promised to love, honour and cherish. My FIL took our wedding service and there's no way he would have let me out of obeying without a fight, but I'd already rationalised it to myself (see below) so no need for a spat with the new FIL ?.

My interpretation is that in cherishing me he would afford me complete respect and in obeying him I would let him make the final decision on an issue we couldn't agree about despite working through it for as long as we could - certainly not that I'd slavishly adhere to his every whim or lose my own mind/point of view. He understood that that's what I meant, and in fact, we've not had many issues we couldn;t reach a compromise on. I'm not implying my marriage is perfect, or that I'm a submissive wife, far from it, but we work it out in a way we can both live with.

I didn't do a wedding report as I got married several years before I joined Hitched, but never say never, maybe I'll do one one day for a laugh and scan in a picture of me in my fabulous 90's wedding dress ?. I wonder what the planners would say to that.

I guess for me obey didn't mean "get my tea on the table" and "I will make the final decision whilst banning the table with a firm hand".....I guess it was just about mutual respect for each other. He promised to cherish me as well.

I just found an article that puts it was better than me and says this in it:

Obeying the husband, according to the church, is more about the father being the head of the family and leading his wife and kids toward a fulfilled life.

I think that's quite a good way of summing it up.

No report, but I did promise to honour and obey. And gather the flax. He promised to cherish. As my price is above rubies I he's not really in a bargaining position...

It is more to do with acknowledging him as guide for the family than doing as one is told. And as someone says, those who truly cherish respect opinions. I'm not entirely sure he respects them all the time but if I voice them loud enough anything goes...?

I said obey.

Yip, I said obey. I am traditional and didn't want it any other way.

Why? well I trust that he won't ask anything of me that is not right-I accept that I may, at some point, be right and he will be wrong, but I'm happy to obey his decision because I know he respects me.

Report- yes

Photos-yes.

I'm a yes girl.

Because nobody is as clever as him ? what a totally dickish thing to post.

We were told it was no longer the done thing in the CofE and were not given the option. I certainly would not have obeyed anyway, theres no point making a legal and public declaration that I will not keep to.

Mind you the vicar also wanted my dad to reply "her Mother and I do" when asked who was giving me away. My Father (V. traditional & old fashioned Catholic) said "I won't be saying that, no" ?

P&P, I winced when I read your reply here. I still surf these boards a lot, and you're better than that. Stop being a prat ?

I didn't obey, I did do a report and post some pics.

Saying obey was never an issue, in a Civil Partnersip the vows are a lot more modern. I'm sure we could have said it, but I wouldn't want to obey my OH and I wouldn't want her to obey me. (Although I wish she'd get my tea on, I'm bloody starving! ?)

As for the "kneejerk feminist reaction" comment, why does anything to do with feminist have to be kneejerk? Feminism is a serious issue, to those that believe in it. I put a lot of thought into things like that. I go by 'Ms', always have done, and would even if I had married a man, because I don't think that women should define themselves and their social status by whether they have a man in their lives. I dislike the tradition of a bride being given away, because this is a throwback to women being considered the legal property of their fathers until they married, when they were passed to their husbands. I dislike that only men are meant to speak at weddings. There's a lot more (non-wedding related) but I won't rant! And I don't judge those who go down the more traditional route, I'm just trying to say that feminism isn't knee-jerk, it's not all about "man-hating, to some people it's about important issues.

Hmm... I'm not sure what you're getting at either. Put it this way, I like to consider myself an autonomous being. I try not to blindly follow orders (I'm often unpoular at work because of this, but I am very persuasive and can usually make people see why I am being difficult.) There was no way on this Earth I was going to put myself in a position where someone else could give me an order or instruction. As I only made vows I thought I could keep, 'obey' could NOT be in there. To be honset, I respect my husband too much to have wanted it the other way round too - I don't expect him to obey me.

I also get irritated that 'feminism' has such a negative image that you consider any statement of it to be 'kneejerk'.

I did think about it, the vicar explained what he it meant in our marriage preperation classes. But I still don't get it, if I had said obey when would I of had to obeyed(sp) my husband?

To me this is what obey means.

–verb (used without object)

Disclaimer - its my 31st Birthday today and I've had a few glasses of wine at the pub, feeling a bit ? so hopefuly still making sense!

Helen not sure if you read my response and to be fair I should have said doesn;t matter if you are religious or not but it is quite a "nice" way of putting it.

I have to say I was the only one of my friends who did say obey, so I think I am in a small minority.

I was going to say at the end of the day marriage is showing commitment no matter the words then realised that would be a stupid comment as I know loads of non marrieds who are just as commited.

Hmmm obey - nah don't think we went for that option. In fact as I recall, the vicar asked about whether we wanted it and I think we looked at each other and laughed.

Report - I joined hitched about this time 5 years ago - about six weeks before my wedding so as a relative newcomer (there are a few names I recognise as getting married at about the same time as me) I did go for this. Then after the wedding I buggered off for about four months until losing my cat when I needed some support and this place was it!

Bloomin heck - how good a guess was that - I've been here 5 years on Monday!

Doesn't work for me. He's not a father - we don't have and don't want kids. And he is not the head of the family either; we are equals. He's not the boss of me. ?

I have chosen to spend my life with him but I would have lived a fulfilled life whether I'd met him or not.

Sorry I should of replied. I did ask so thank you for repyling, you mean this?

Obeying the husband, according to the church, is more about the father being the head of the family and leading his wife and kids toward a fulfilled life.

But don't we create a fulfiled life together? Why does he get to be the head can't we take in turns depending on who has more knowledge and expierence about that situation. For example I do all the money in our house, I arrange the mortgage, bank accounts etc... Being a carpenter he does all the DIY, earns about 66% of the moeny etc...

I'm a bit bored of feminism being a bad thing tbh.

I didn't obey - MrH said he didn't want that level of responsibility ?

It's clearly a personal thing - noone else knows the balance in someone else's marriage and I certainly don't think it means you automatically end up being repressed or should hand in your feminist badge if you choose to say it. But it wasn't for me.