Difficult Situation, Help me please!

Awkward.

Have you spoken to mum about it?

Ah gee, poor mum, its such an awful thing to happen. I can imagine it would be very distressing for her coping with her mental health and the past obviously hasnt been left behind hense her continued health issues. have you spoken to her about it though? Has it been brought up yet? Its got to come up at some point so sooner is as good a time as any so at least you can see where everyone stands and how she feels about it. I honestly do think though despite everything you need to go ahead with the wedding you want and the people you want. If everyone is invited, everyone can make their own decisions whether to come or not, that way you exclude no one and everyone gets to make their own choice. Obviously ideally you want them both there. If you mum would become ill would she recognise that ahead of the wedding or would it be something she thinks she could cope with?

I do feel with you on this one as i am in a similar situation. its easier for people to say just invite them bith but i feel people just dont understand. i spoke to my mum about it (she is also divorced and suffers with depression due to her relationship with my dad). she said she would be fine and it wud be fine but knowing better i knew she would nt be. i therefore made the decision not to invite my dad. since then although she would nt say she has been much less stressed and more involved in the planning. it was easier although hard for me as my dad did nt behave in the past how a dad should. i am not saying dont invite one of them but just because most people have both parents there doesnt mean you have to. could you have a blessing before or afterwards wih one of the parents instead.

hope you can find a solution .

I don't understand why your mum having mental illness means she can't attend if your dad is there. Can she not attend, be cared for by her family members, be seated away from him and so on?

PB - I think Dad is the cause of the current mental state?

I have a broken family situation, and being close to neither of mine particularly i have invited neither, which sounds harsh. But you have to think what would be better, prevention is better than cure. Would not inviting your dad casue a rift between you but mean that your mum doesnt become ill again. Its a case of which would you rather??

So tough. If your mum is in an ok place right now maybe speak to her about it. Is there any way she could attend the day and dad the eve? Or is there any other compromise that could be made? Best of luck x

Thaks for all your replies, it was the break up that caused my mums mental ilness and she would not cope at all with having to see him again, I could talk to her, I could not dream of having my dad there that is not an option but really just dont want hurt my mum or cause her to become ill, truth is she probably couldnt even face the journey to where I wish to get married but its just hard for me to come to terms with my mum being missing from my wedding day, Think only option is to have a seperate ceremony for my mum to attend,thanks for all advice,