Dilemma- UPDATE

Didn't want to read & run.

I think you have answered your own question by saying you don't want to abort. If you really don't want to then don't you may refret it, there is always a way & we cope. My cousin had twins at 41 and was absolutely terrified & shel shocked at the thought of being a Mum again at 41. She had the twins & has loved them since the day they were born. They are 6 now & she has gone back to work, it means plans were put on hold for a few yars but they have coped.

Only you can make the decision.

There is no right or wrong answer, and only you and your OH can reach the decision that is right for the both of you. I have no idea what I would do in that situation, but what I do know is that it can be very hard to abort a baby when you are in a loving and stable relationship. What I mean is that it's much harder to reach that decision than if perhaps you were single and the father wasn't going to be around. Have you talked to your OH about your change of heart?

I spoke to my o/h this morning and he thinks it is not right for us to have a child right now. He is day 2 in a new job so we are not secure as yet.

Also, my daughter has been trying for a baby since April and joked a while ago about me being a surrogate for her. I said no as the hopsital told me years ago that I have too many health problems to have anymore children.

I don't want to abort, but i dont want my life completely turned around either. I have an appointment at the Doctors on Thursday so got a few days to think it through

Thank you for replying. It helps x

I don't really know what to say, everyone has their own opinions regarding abortion. My gran had my mum when she was in her 20s and then she remarried and had my uncle when she was 44. She's in her 60's now and she has never regretted having a child when she was older, she said she managed better with my uncle than with my mum! She also says having a child as a more mature mum has kept her feeling younger in herself.

It's your choice but please think long and hard before you make a decision.

I don't actually agree with abortions unless pregnant at a very young age or due to rape. I think this is why it is so difficult for me.

My heart is telling me to keep it, my brain is telling me not too.

I am also worried about upsetting my daughter either way with what i decide.

Thanks Shnarfy

I'm thinking of you Sandie, I hope you make the choice that is right for you in the end x

Thank you very much for your help, I knew i could rely on you all x ️⭐️

Did not want to read and run, but dont know what to say. There is no one who can make the decision for you. But you will know in your heat of hearts when you make it will be the right decision for you both.

Things will work out for the best, and we are here for any help we can offer

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It is very difficult,just to add that i am completely pro choice but thought i would share my age gap baby story. Different to you in the fact that i wanted another baby,however we tried for four years and had accepted that it was not meant to be.

Anyway out of the blue i found out i was pregnant and although a part of me was pleased another big part felt i had been here and done it all before and i was not sure i could cope.

So know i have a 15 year old a almost thirteen year old and my little boy who is two. It has been hard work ,i went back to work full time three 13 hour shifts when he was 9 months but honestly it really has been fun as well. I am so much more appreciative and relaxed about parenting.

I worried about my girls as well,one thing stuck in my head that the eldest said when he was a couple of months old..she said"mum,i never knew it was possible to love someone this much".

I hope you are okay and your decision is the best one for you,i think this is a time to think almost soley of yourself and you're emotions.

Gosh what a difficult decision for you to make. Putting everything else to one side for a minute, you said that you were told not to have any more children. Would it put your own health at risk to carry on with this pregnancy?

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That is another issue my o/h has and doesn't want me to risk myself in anyway.

Long story but been prodded and poked about with by the hospital the last couple of years and it is not a chance he wants me to take.

Thank you for everyone who replied x

Sorry to hear your in this position.

Not really any advise, but i am 22, my Dad is 64 and i don't think of it as a big deal to myself, others might feel differentlu.

I hope you can make the right choice for yourself

xxxx

Gosh what to say! I think you need to consider the decision you feel you could live with best. I'm sure your daughter would come to understand either way you decide. Wish there was a magic wand to make things easier for you!

Also, whatever decision you make is no ones business but yours and your husbands. Your daughter doesnt need to know, if you go down the route that you dont wish to take particularly, does she?

Health reasons are a good enough reaason not to go ahead and no one would think any less of you. Its entirely up to you and I wish you well in whatever you decide.

I have no words of wisdom but hope yo make the right decision for you and your family x Like teehee said your daughter doesn't have to know

Just didn't want to read and run. it sounds like whatever you decide you are going to find it tough. One of my closest friends at school comes from a family with age gaps. When we were in primary school her sisters were finishing high school and going to college. She loved having older siblings and got a lot of benefit and support from them when she was growing up. If you decide to make the choice to proceed with pregnancy I am sure the baby will be loved as much by it's older siblings as by you.

Whatever you and your OH decide to do take care x

Thank you for everyone and Teehee, You have all helped with your advice and it has been much appreciated.

Thanks again x

Only just seen this - I hope you get the advice you need - I think for me the key thing would be the medical advice on proceeding with the pregnancy before I started to think about the social considerations. On the latter, I would say that I was a "late surprise" for my parents - my sisters were 11, 13 and 15 when I was born and my mother was 39. I didn't feel like they were old parents when I was growing up - whether I impacted on their time together when they'd hoped to have the kids off their hands I don't know, but I don't think so - and by the time they were retired I had grown up and left home so they were free to enjoy their retirement together.

I hope you make the right decision for you and your family.