dilmma - what would you do?

I think ts perfectly ok to ask for it back- you didnt just buy her a dress, you bought her a dress to wear as your briesmaid, now she can no longer do the role (whatever the reason) I dont see tht she can have complaints about handing the dress back- if she wants to keep it, I think its reasonable she buys it off you.

WSS, I am sure she has probably just not thought about it.

Hiya fellow Africa bride

Are you having a UK reception at all? If so, can she wear it there? As you know, we're not having any guests in Tanzania, but we are having a UK reception, and my best friend has become a MoH for the reception, dress and all (long story!). I think I'd feel really awkward asking for a dress back, especially since you're not going to get anything like it cost if you sell it. I certainly wouldn't risk a 20yr friendship over it, and the cost of a dress compared to the cost of a wedding isn't that much really.

EOTD you've bought the dress for a purpose which she is no longer fulfilling so 100% yes you ask for it back!

Keep us posted!

Definitely ask for it back - it is not as if you regularly go around buying her dresses so she should not be supried by this request. I woldn't even bother trying to be subtle about it, personally I would say something along the lines of....because you are letting me down by not being part of my most important day I am going to need the dress back as will need the money to pay someone else to do the MOH duites!!! -Ha Ha - That may be a bit much but you get my gist! As for the suggestion of having her wear it if you are having a UK reception - NO - she can bloody well buy her own clothes!

I've been in a similar situation to this (not exactly the same) and all i did was called her up and asked when i could come for it. for example you could say something like "is it okay if i pop over on saturday to get the bridesmaid dress" kinda just dont ask kinda tell her you want it back in a casual way and if she asks why you just explain that because she cant go to the wedding you need to reclaim that part of your wedding budget and if she REALLY likes it and wants to keep it just say "oh, so you want to buy it off me? oh thats fine hun" or something like that

good luck

I'd say definitely ask for it back and i'm sure she won't even bat an eyelid!

On a different - and very embarrassing note though... I have seen a few of you refer to living/getting married in Tanzania before and thought "ooh getting married on an island off the coast of Australia, how lovely" - thinking you meant Tasmania! It's only when someone above mentioned "African bride" that i twigged! What an idiot! And i'm sure Tanzania is just as lovely as Tasmania - i clearly have no knowledge of either!

x

It's a tough one. Although you don't want to upset your friend, you do need to get your dress back. I suppose the best thing is to be tactful about it.

I assume she knows your disappointed that she won't make the wedding? If that's the case, then you do need to make sure that your request for her dress back isn't considered you acting out of spite or malice because she's not doing what you wanted.

Saying to her that you respect that she and her OH are planning on buying a house together, and as money is tight for you too, would she mind if you took the dress back so that you can save a bit of money.

Obviously you know your friend a lot better than us, but i think that where weddings, and money is concerned, these thing bring out the best and worst in people, which is why you may need to tread carefully around the subject.

I know if it had been me, I would be able to say to my friends, that i could really do with the money, so would it be cool if i took the dress back to sell on.