Discussion: Wedding Identity Theft

I agree Bex! If i went to a wedding after mine and SOME, not all, of my ideas had been used i would be extremely flattered and if im honest, somewhat smug! But the other way around, oh dear i would not be a happy bunny. Great topic!

Glad you think so! ?

Yeah, general consensus in the article was that it was the worst thing EVER, but I'd be a bit smug too!

I would be really flattered! and the fact that some of the guest would be the same and theyd know the ideas were from yours!

Im using different ideas from loads of different wedding (ones ive been to and ones from magazines etc) but im really hoping to put my own stamp on it, i would hate for my guests to be saying "oh this is just like so and so's wedding"

<stands on soapbox>

Weddings are ALWAYS going to be similar - they are what they are and many things are replicted by all - the ceremony has to be done a specific way, you then have some sort of food and drink, in whatever form.

Yes there are some things you can add to make yours "different" but who cares? A wedding is what it is, no matter how much you try and make yours different.

Colour schemes change with the fashion season so you're bound to have people wearing similar colours. None of it should make any difference.

And your "different" thing is probably not the first time it's been done so just becuase you've never seen it, doesn't mean your guests won't have.

Personally, I like weddings which are simple and straight forward and without the added faff that people seem to think they have to do these days...

<gets off soapbox>

It is not even something i have considered..... hmm only know of one other wedding and it is october and mine is in july so i think they will be completely different anyway, not sure i know many brides who get married by their FIL

I wouldn't be mad about that. I'd be more paranoid the other way round in case people were saying I had copied someone.

I agree with GeordieBarbie - there's only so much you can do to make a wedding 'different' that your guests have probably seen all your ideas before! Also, I think the 'feel' of a wedding is somewhat dictated by the people there and the venue, so the same idea can look completely different at different weddings.

Very valid point Flutterbye, it is definitly the 'feel' of a wedding that makes it.

My best friend is getting married next week. She got engaged in September.

Her best male friend is getting married in August - they've been engaged for about two years. They're both getting married in the same church (where they went as kids) and having the reception outdoors in a marquee (different place though). However, the bride in the other wedding has flipped about them having the "same wedding". Which would be well and good, but they had to change their date anyway so the wedding is taking place after rather than before my best friends.

Still with me?! ?

FWIW, I agree with Geordie Barbie. These two couples in questions have similar tastes, but then they are good friends so they are likely to I suppose. Especially as they grew up going to the same church. I think I would be upset a friend chose exactly the same venue/flowers/colour scheme as me, but I think this shows lack of imagination more than anything. However, some things will be the same and this just can't be helped.

I think also that the wedding magazines show so much of the same stuff that you're always going to find similar decor, or design of frock, or even invitation...its going to look similar to someone else in attendance...

o this is a good discussion! Well after my weddig i think i would also be flattered if someone took a few ideas from mine!! Id probably be actually quite impressed with myself at how well it all went for them to consider using them! Now if it was the other way around and it was someone who had stolen my ideas I would be furious! I would probably change the plans last minute to something else. or keep the same ideas but do them better!!

I don't think I'd mind too much if it was after my wedding but I certainly would before.

I think its only natural for brides2b to get ideas from various different sources - including other people's weddings! And if they went to your wedding and thought 'isnt that a good idea' its a HUGE compliment! AND you did it first, so who cares?

I think its a great way of seeing what works and what doesnt work - attending other people's weddings. I dont really see the problem in it.

If it was the other way around and they stole my idea and did it first, before my wedding, now thats a different story altogether!

xxx

I'd definitely be flattered! And like some others have said, they may well not be 'copied' as weddings are going to be very similar. If someone was having cup cakes, they couldn't say someone had 'copied' them for example as lots of people have cupcakes, etc!

I do think though, I would be a bit gutted if something special we'd planned for our guests - personalised favours or something, or perhaps a better example, the readings we'd chosen for our service were used by a friend just BEFORE our day, as things like that do personalise the wedding for you - it is YOUR wedding after all and though weddings are going to be similar, nobody else is going to feel how you feel about your OH and your special day etc if you're with me!

But like flutterbye says, it's the 'feel' that makes it anyway - you, your hubby and your guests is what it's all about!

Just out of interest, those of you who would be furious/mad that someone "stole" your ideas and used them before your wedding, what sort of thing are you meaning??

I'm a bit lost as to what ideas you could mean...

My friend gets married in just over a week's time. I don't get married until May.

When we were discussing our ideas early on in the process I said I'd like to have a vintage style tea party, a route master bus to transport people and a hog roast in the evening, ideally all at a converted barn.

The next time I saw her she'd booked EXACTLY that, despite telling me she wanted a modern city wedding. I was a bit miffed, to be honest, more so because she didn't have the courtesy to tell me (tell me, not ask, mind).

It doesn't bother me now but I admit to being a little disappointed and annoyed at the time.

don't think people have said furious/mad, but as I mentioned it would be the traditional things with our exact twist, e.g. same readings, same first dance song, same favours - things that make the wedding your wedding and / or things that are nice little surprises for our shared guests, i.e. the other friends from our group. Weddings might be similar overall but I'm only going to do it once and I want it to be very special to us! Another example is that we are doing big jars of retro sweets as centre pieces instead of flowers, which though probably quite common overall/on here, it's something my good friends haven't seen and will (hopefully) be a nice 'oohhh' moment for them! If my friend did it at her wedding three weeks before mine, after we'd planned it and I'd shared with her, yes I would be a bit upset and I imagine a lot of others would too!

Oh okay there was a furious!! But I can really understand this and I don't think it's unfair to say that if you've been planning a certain, specific theme - like cricket, and it got 'scooped' it really doesn't feel very nice!

From a different point of view...

My cousins recently got married and I was naturally checking out things I liked at theirs and things that didn't appeal to me as our wedding is coming up.

I was quite upset to find my cousins have the same centrepiece ideas we wanted, so now everyone is going to think I copied theirs when we had both thought of it separately. I don't want people coming to my wedding going "awww Josie copied Mel" Grrrrrrrrr.

Personalised favours have been around for ever. Every wedding I went to pre-2007 (ish) had personalised favours. It's only the last couple of weddings i've been to that haven't had them. My parents also still have some personalised napkins from their wedding 40 years ago!

When I lived back up North, every wedding I went to for about 3+ years was in the same venue - it was (at the time) THE place to have your do (and still is very common, 3 FB friends have had theirs there in the last year or so). I think it's only recently with civil ceremonies taking off so much and venues getting a lisence that you start to see different venues emerging.

Don't forget why you chose the venue / reading / music you did. If it means something to you and you want it so much - do it, whether someone else has or not cos at the end of the day, you having what YOU want at your wedding will make your wedding special and the other bits which you spend so long worrying about you won't even notice, and neither will you guests. The memories that live on from your wedding for both you and in particular your guests, won't be the fancy favours or what-have-you, it'll be that your wedding was special cos the 2 of you will be having a ball and feeling special...

All hail Geordie Barbie - she speaks sense!! ?

totally agree Claire - your day will obviously still be super, super special for you two because you are getting married but I would feel exactly the same in your position. My friend booked hers way after ours for 3 weeks before us and i couldn't help being a bit upset precisely because weddings are similar, there hadn't been one in 'our group' for yonks, so all the little traditional bits are going to be done and fresh in their heads right before ours. I'm fine now though because like others have said the important thing is that we're getting married and that is what our guests will be celebrating but we did have a little chat where I asked her not to have the readings we were having and most importantly not to get the same dress!!!!

I see both points here. GB, I understand what you're saying, a wedding should mainly be about the two of you and your love, but you have to admit, if all the little personal bits that you had planned were stolen and used at friend's wedding like a month before yours, you'd be a bit miffed, no? Wedding planning is so stressful that brides can get upset about the tiniest thing going wrong, so to find a month before your big day that your confidant has done what they did to Josie, or Claire? Yeah, I would be furious. I'd never in a million years say anything, that's not me, but I'd be very upset.

Obviously different people have different reactions, though - I think you may be a more calm and collected person than me, I'm a little bit of a wound up spring at the best of times, lol.

Bx

Honestly? No, I don't think I would.

But having said that, I didn't do a lot of the "little" things like favours and what-have-you. Music and readings I wouldn't be miffed at - the song we had for the signing the register is so beautifl and makes me teary regardless so I would love to hear it played. It took us ages to chose readings as we couldn't find any we like - we didn't like them if they rhymed, or talked about or made reference to having to work hard at a marriage, but the 2 we chose were really nice and exactly what I think about marriage so if someone had them, I'd agree with the sentiment completely.

Claire - just seen what you said about the favours - that is rather annoying for you! ☹️ But, i'm sure your guests will still love them!

It is a very interesting topic to debate though!

Luckily my bff is married and none of my other mates are getting married. Phew lol But the thing is with our wedding a lot of it is very unique, by that i dont mean its any better. I just mean i have a lot of time in the week to search high and low for different things and also make a lot of the little touches.

So i think if your having a big gorgeous traditional wedding the chances are you'll go to one which is similar or almost the same. But if you're having a very personal, different and ''homemade'' wedding your less likely that someone is going to copy you, because its harder to copy something that isn't mass produced.

But if i went to a friends wedding (that had came to mine) and realised they had copied everything, or copied all the little unqiue touches i'd be really upset, but at the same time i'd feel a bit sorry that they obviously didn't have the imagination to create what i did.

x

Fair point GB, I think you are definitely more laid back than me, may need to take some lessons from you! I think we may have to agree to disagree, but you make a very good spokesperson for that side of opinion on the matter. *Shakes hand*

See, this is why I LOVE this forum - intelligent people that can have discussions and debates like grown ups, without taking a difference of opinion as an insult or reason for a slanging match!

Bx

In a way I dont think its necessarily the item you have e.g. what favour etc but why you did it that makes it unique so someone could steal your exact idea and it wouldnt mean the same thing.

For example, I have having seeds and mini plant pots as my favours as I trained as a florist and love growing things, and BHF charity pins as OH dad passed away of a heart attack. I am having a winter wonderland theme etc because I adore winter. When my guests look around our day they will know exactly why we picked what we did. If my friend stole all my ideas it means she didnt pick them for her so although they are the same they dont mean the same to anyone else.

GB had her unique wedding because she DIDNT want certain things and I bet her guests knew that was her personaility coming through.

I hope that makes sense!

Indeed! And that's exactly what it was, a debate. My ramblings weren't to cause offence, merely speak for one side of the "arguement".

I have to say, for such a girlie girl and a bit of a perfectionist, I was VERY laid back with regards to my wedding. In fact, in some ways, I think I wanted to remove myself from the "traditional" dare I say it common (as in popular, not the derogatary term) and so a more simple "traditional" wedding like weddings used to be when your Granny got married. Just before we got engaged we agreed that we wanted a find a nice pub to hire and do a laid back day, like in the "olden days" - but we ended up splashing out on a fancy venue and 3 course meal ?

It does! And that's exactly what I was trying to say in my last post ?

I'm surprised that no one (other than the lovely lamby) seems to think what my friend did was acceptable.

As I say, I doesn't bother me now, but if I were to have my time again, I'd have kept my mouth shut!

Im getting married 5 weeks after my friend and 4 weeks before my brothers. Weddings are so similar and as much a you try to be different, its difficult. Now i know a few ideas are the same as my friends wedding, but theres going to be 10 people at the most that went to the same wedding. I got very worried about it couple days after their wedding, but my mum spoke to me and made me think about it sensibly.

Simple... me and Oh planned our wedding they way we wanted, if something is the same, so what. I kept telling myself theres no time to change things now anyways so just get on with it!!!

Im marrying the man i love and picked the bits out for the wedding because they are special to us and thats that the end of it. Yes its upsetting, but looking at the bigger picture I'm so happy about marrying the man that I love and to me and that is all I want. ( yes i want everything to be perfect too! haha!)

I see some of the things you girls have got going on in your wedding and they all sounds so special, we dont just pick things out the for the sake of it, something draws us to them. thats what makes it special! Me and my brother are rele quite different, if we had anything the same (which i dont think there is to be honest!) Im just pleased that they are getting married and are so happy!!

Weddings are stressful enough without the added pressure of thinking what everyone else has got/done. Enjoy yours!!

P xx

Although I can see both sides of the arguement I have to say if I was in your shoes cricket bride I would be more than a tad miffed that I had put the work in thinking up the ideas and researching it for someone else to just nick it and do it first! I hadnt really thought about this but both my BMs are also getting married next year, best watch what I say lol x