Do you really ever get over the deaths of loved ones ????

Probably not really qualified to answer this, as I only lost my Dad seven weeks ago, but I don't think so. Based on what I've been told by friends and colleagues who have been in this situation, and from what's been said by the bereavement counsellor at the hospice he was in, you never get over it. As you said, it gets easier, because you learn to cope with your grief. But that grief is always there.

My mum died 11 and a half years ago. You don't really get over it, but you do learn to live with it.

?

Sorry to here that ?

Life can never be the same again, and it's always tinged with sadness. You do however find a new kind of normal.

There are some times that I really need my mum - my wedding was sad and I need her now

I don't think you do ever get over it but as others have said I think you find a different way of coping.

Hope you are OK Hope ?

Oh Hope. My brother was due to get married 3 months after my Mom died - he went through with it and it was a lovely day but there was a massive gaping hole where she should've been. You have to be thankful for what you did have, I suppose, otherwise your whole life is spent in regret. Big hugs for you lovey x

Im ok just wish she was here - I have never had the motherly figure just to cry on if I needed it, to let me it will be ok, to tell me if I am being pathetic and just to get on with it or anything really

I dont think you do and i dont think it gets any easier

my dad died 10 years ago and every day i miss him for some reason , it could be something business wise , parental advise or soemthing , i always think what would my dad do or say and i miss him like mad , i will never get over losing him as he was so young and i feel robbed

My Nana died over 10 years ago and was 80 and was in poor health and is, I believe, in heaven where we will be reunited. So I have every reason to be 'over' it. But if I ever really stop and think about her, suddenly the universe starts to whirl and I feel kind of panicked, and cannot believe she is not here.

I don't think you ever really get over someone you really love. Life does form a new normal and you slowly move on up the generations, whether you want to or not. In the next 10 years or so I expect my parents will die, and that will be awful.

Hugs to all who are missing someone.

Hmmmmmnnn, my father died nine years ago on Sunday when I was 18. I miss him , some times more than others but it's a dull pain now as opposed to the agony it used to be.

My gratefulness of having known him for the most part makes up for him not being here anymore. It was hard on my wedding day and I'm sad his grandson will never get to know him, it doesn't tear me apart the way it used to.

*Edited for horiffic spelling

I think that's a really good way of putting it. My own way isn't quite so eloquent.

I have descibed it in the past as like having a gaping big wound that heals very gradually. Just when it's almost completely healed and you've stopped thinking about it something comes along and knocks the scab off. The would is never as big as it was in the beginning but it never heals completely.

Short version.

No.

I don't think you 'get over it' in the sense that you shake it off and go on as you were. How could you? It would be impossible. But you find a different way to cope, you get up, you go to work, you live your life, and gradually you find that you're okay.

My mum died five years ago, and I miss her a lot because I know the person I am now could have appreciated her more than the person I was then.

I think you learn to live with it but it is always there ready to resurface. I was reading Dawn French's autobiography today about when she got married, froze the bouquet then put it on her Dad's grave when she got back from honeymoon. Made mw weep buckets thinking of my Mum

Honestly from my experience no - you don't get over it. But at the same time why should you or why should you want to? My dad died 5 years ago - some days I don't feel the pain but others its all consuming - he was such a huge part of my life it stands to reason that it would hurt like hell that he's no longer part of it.

I've just emigrated and I miss my family a lot but its not the same - I can call and visit - its the complete cut off that I found hardest - and still do.

Sorry rant over - don't know your personal circumstances - hope you're okay

I dont think you do ever get over it, my grandad died 16 years ago and i still miss him.not every day but sometimes something will set me off and i'll have a little cry, now its more about the fact he never saw me go through high school, he never met my h or saw the kids. he was my idol and when he died i was devastated.

My dad died over 17 years ago when I was 10 and although I don't think about him that much anymore I'd say that I'll never get over it as it changed my whole life and really shaped the person who I am today. I really believe that if he lived our lives as a family would have been so much more different.

I think it depends on your definition of "get over".

I lost my mum when I was 12 and I can honestly now say that I no longer feel anything I would describe as grief. It was a sad thing that happened (she was only 44) and at the time I was devastated. But so much has happened since then and some of the things that are now integral to my life and who I am would not be there had I not lost my mum. Yes of course, I would give anything to have her back but I accept that I can't and that I've had to get on with life. I look at the rest of my family and have the same sort of thoughts. They are all, in one way or another, living lives that they perhaps wouldn't were Mum still here and I can't look at our lives as alternatives we've settled for and muddled through - we are all happy and as things are, wouldn't choose to change very much. And it makes me all the more happy to know that Mum would have wanted it that way.

I actually imagine it must be harder to get over the loss of a parent as an adult as they have been part of more of your life. E.g. I am sure that I will cope less well when I lose my Dad, even if he lives to 98, because he is a part of my adult life. My mum wasn't.

I hope this comes across how I mean it and doesn't make me sound like a cold-hearted ?

I don't think you do. It gets easier, the pain is less frequent and you're more able to remember the good times and smile rather than bawl. But it does still hurt sometimes.

It's a pertinent question for me today. I went to see my grandmother to tell her I'm pregnant. She was happy. But I couldn't help thinking about my granny, who died almost 9 years ago. I was much much much closer to her, and I couldn't help wishing it was her I was telling about my baby. I cried on the way home, just thinking about her and what she's missed - my wedding, seeing me settled and happy and now this.

My mum died 15 years ago when I was 15 and some days I still feel overwhelmed by sadness. It seems t have got worse in the last year actually, since I had my son.

I don't feel that I have ever properly dealt with my grief and what makes me feel worse is that the last few years of her life were quite unhappy, for various reasons. I find it unbearable.

No I don't think you do, rather you just move on and accept its happend.

My mum died when I was 9 and I have never got over it. I think about her EVERY day. I have missed not having a mother figure so much. I did go to counselling about 4 years ago which helped a little bit and really wish this was something I had done earlier. I now wear one of my mums rings that she left me and this gives me some comfort. I often get emotional about my mum - something small on the tv or radio can start me off or something bigger like when my nephew was born and my dad said "your mum should have been here for this, she would have been so proud".

x

I have had several close bereavements. I don't think it gets easier as such - the grief is still as painful as when it first happened but you just think of it less often.

WMBSS - My dad also died just over 17 yrs ago when i was 10. I echo exactly what you have said, I Dont think about him as often as i used to but when i do it hurts and i miss him and also feel sorry for myself because i had to grow up without him.

Tx

?

I think as others have said you don't "get over it" but you do come to terms with it and learn to adapt to life without the person in it. How easily that happens I think depends on the circumstances. Ie I lost my gran just over a year ago and although she was 86 and very ill and there are still nights I cry myself to sleep because I miss her so much and I can't believe she's not here any more, but because I know she was old my day to day living's been OK and on the face of it I guess I am "over it"; but then my friend who lost her dad very suddenly a few months before in his early 50s, is a long long way from being "over it" even on the face of it, because it was such a shock and so unexpected.

I hope your pain eases soon.

I can relate to this totally. Mu dad died when i was 8 and have just realised that was 40 years ago . I have very vague memories of him as an actual "person" but still he was my dad. I am getting married next year and get really emotional that he wont be there even though he hasnt been for nearly all my life. He will be mentioned in the service and sometimes i do irrationally get angry that he has missed out on my live and never met his grandchildren. So I suppose i have never gotten over it and occassionally in daily life think about him but it is something I have always lived with

Bombay mix I never knew my mum she died when I was six months old - I miss the noy knowing what she was like, miss not having someone that cares about me unconditionally, that will be there for me, that I can turn to, having a mum, I am not close to my Dad. I still at the age of 26 find this hard.

I do understand what you mean about your life being the way it is because she isn't here - I wouldn't have met my lovely husband or have the house we have now.

Camperkid's Dad died when Camperkid was just a few days shy of his 7th birthday; My Dad died 6 months later and then last year Camperbub's Dad died before she was born.

No, I don't think that you ever get over it - the pain recedes to a place where it is "dealable" with.

I feel bad for Camperkid because he had his Dad for nearly 7 years and does have memories of him; I feel bad for Camperbub because she'll never meet her Dad but she will "know" him because she'll be told all about him.

I feel much the same as Bombay Mix - my mum died when I was 5 so I hardly really knew her at all, and certainly not in any meaningful way as would have been the case if we'd known each other now. It's only in the last few years that she's come into my mind more often - marriage, pregnancy etc - but other than that it was very much a case of "this is how my life is, I don't know anything different" and while I do often feel heartless for not thinking of her all the time, there's so little that I *do* know of her it's very hard to try and bring her back. All I can say for sure is that if she had been alive my life would have been very different, and I'm quite happy with how it's turned out, so much as I would love her to be around, maybe we wouldn't have got on, maybe I'd have been an awful teenage daughter or maybe it would all have been rosy?

I guess to sum up, as Campergirl says it becomes 'dealable' with and at a certain stage, becomes part of your life and who you are rather than an event you're still trying to get over.