Do you think this is normal behaviour.

I think it's difficult to say what is 'normal' when in that sort of situation.

She certainly sounds like she is gutted about what has happened. I guess everyone reacts different - some people sit and wallow in self pity, some people want to 'get even', whilst other people take the 'I'll show you, I don't need you' attitude.

Personally, if I was him I would give her a bit of space, not contact her for a couple of weeks so she has chance to get things clear in her head.

The one thing for me that jumped out of your post was you mentioned that she didn't 'go out' for a few months. By going out, do you mean to the pub or out the house in general?

It does seem an extreme reaction. However, who's to say what's normal?

The reason I mentioned the going out thing was; do you think you she may have a mental health problem? My Mum is bi-polar and has extreme reactions to some situations (both high and low).

What is 'normal'? Are any of us normal? At any time?

After 26 years I'd be pretty gutted too, but who is to say how I'd react, or how the next woman would. I think I'd be more inclined to say it was abnormal to not react! Then again, hysteria could be seen as OTT.

Ugh, I'm not really answering any of your questions. Sorry.

If this behaviour went on for months and months, perhaps it would be seen as 'abnormal', but after 6 days? I think I'd be the same myself TBH.

? to whoever it is you know who is going through this

If you are asking whether the reaction to the affair is normal (which I thnk you are), then I don't think there is a normal, but certainly from my own experience, then I think she is experiencing a pretty "normal" reaction. Very up and down. Angry one minute, calmer and more rational the next, murderous 5 minutes after that. And that went on for weeks and months, so 6 days as you say is very early days.

I did keep a lid on totally irrational behavour like calling the police etc. I remember after one fight (and when I say fight - I went ballistic and he had to restrain me, so I ended up with bruised arms) I then slipped and fell down the stairs - "injuries" all totally my own fault - I do remember screaming at him that if I was the sort of person minded to do so, i could call the police and tell them he attacked me!!! It was not even a threat, it was something I said to try and make him think and to realise how much I was hurting.

All you can do is be there and be supportive - to both partners as I assume you are friends with both. But it will be a long old rough ride.

I am still licking my wounds now and its 2 years on!!!

HTH

Thank you for the responses.

I guess there is no real answer to the question. She wouldn't have a serious mental health problem, no. Sorry, I meant not socialising and she has become depressed but that is probably more as a result of the relationship problems than a cause.

Her personality under normal circumstances such as a minor argument is that she will stay in a mood for days so it's not all that surprising that she would react so extremely I guess. She's also not the type who would back down in an argument, she stays angry a very long time. So, have answered my own question.

What I'm worried about really is the violence but hey, she's angry and that's an understatement. Her whole life has been turned upside down

Thank you for sharing that Strawberry Fields ?

Almost brought me to tears then. God, I'm so worried about her being on her own.

Kaz. I would not have said before this that I was a violent person, not even under the influence of drink. I am a happy drunk me. But I just found at times I could not control my anger and frustration and I am afraid to say I became physical. I am not condoning it or trying to excuse my behavour, but I can understand how a person might behave in this way.

As you said her whole life has been turned upside down and she will be angry, sad, scared, her pride will be hurt, she'll feel disappointed, let down and betrayed and a whole host of other stuff.

As I said all you can do is be there for her and perhaps the voice of reason in an impartial way. Good luck!

No probs.

She will need her friends. Do they have kids? If so, are they around to support her?

I have a mate who had been married 8 years who had an extreme reaction to her H cheating on her. She was swinging between wanting to commit murder (him or the person he cheated with, she wasn't fussy) and sitting sobbing as if her heart would break. She did the normal thing of cutting up his clothing (especially his "£500 coat" that he seemed to value more than her) and throwing him and all of his possessions out of their house (she put them outside and called him and told him where they were if he wanted them).

I don't know about the violence in your friends' situation, but I would think an extreme emotional reaction in these circumstances is par for the course. My friend went to see a counsellor only for the counsellor to say "yes that's an entirely normal reaction, I don't see the problem in you reacting like that".

Luckily, since then, her H has also sought counselling and overcome many of his demons that were pressing his self-destruct button. As much as she swore at the time that she wanted a divorce, they're still together and working through everything.

Hope your friends get through this.

Thanks again. I'm so upset. May as well come out with it - this couple is my dad and his wife [:'(]

I feel for her so much. Have been offering to go back and be with her but she's insitent she is fine yet my younger brother who lives there says she says she wants to be alone and keeps crying and crying. I am going to go tomorrow anyway and offer to stay the night too but don't want to push it as I'm too involved and really hope she will eventually talk to her friend. She feels far too humilated but it's not her who should be feeling like that.

Thanks all.

What a horrible situation for you to be in too?

Really hope in this case that time is a healer and your Dad and his wife can come through it (whether that be together or not).