Does this REALLY matter????

I have put proper names on place cards, but i don't think it matters really.

I certainly wouldn't be worried about it.

it never crossed my mind to put full names tbh. i dont think of them like this and so just put what i call them.

On stationery that I have designed, I have had requests for both, depending on the style of the wedding. To be honest, these days there is no right or wrong way to do it and while most people still do use peoples full names, it is becoming increasingly popular to take a more informal approach. If you are happy with them, then they are fine!

i was, but now she as got face on with me about it its made me wonder. I can see just her now, i bet she is on phone to my dad going on and on about it?

I will being using the names people use everyday. We both use shortened versions of our names (Jo & Andy). I wouldn't call him Andrew any other time......so why would I then?! But we are hoping it will be quite informal anyway!!

How are you feeling Claires?

i WAS feeling fine?

its other people that are causing me problems, me and OH are just going with the flow

We used the names that people use everyday. I know Mr Nora hates it when people call him by his full name as he's never been called it since he was a child (and rarely then tbh).

In fact, one or two had shortened names that we weren't even 100% sure what their real full name was anyway ?

thanks FN - at the end of the day i know its our wedding so we can put what we want, but my mum has made me feel like i am completely stupid!

I think things are just different now to when your mum got married. My mum was astounded that I didn't want a big fairytale dress and that we stayed together on the night before the wedding. Anything goes now and I think it helps make weddings a bit more personal.

We are doing a few things we dont reallky want to do, such a recieving line, as she is adament its the 'done' thing! i wish she would just let this go!

We had names like Rob rather than Robert on our place cards, long as there is a name on there I dont think it matters!

I'm planning on using people's names what I would normally call them (although not nicknames!), Tony instead of Anthony for example. I really don't see it as problem. My mum is finding it hard to understand that wedding nowadays aren't the same as they were 30 years!!

P.S. we aren't having a receiving line! x

ok, as a recently married person, i can promise you that no, having people's every day names, rather than their full names, on the name cards really does not matter at all.

however. this will not make a blind bit of difference to your mother. if she has decided that the full names should be on the cards, then i can guarantee you that she will say this is the "done thing" and will have a face on about it. until the actual wedding day, when she will forget about it, not notice the name cards, and will probably take any praise for the name cards should any of your guests compliment someone, anyone about them. ?

my mother became obsessed with the most ridiculous things in the lead up to our wedding. she got upset about how my husband's name should be shown on the invitations - everyone knows him as Steve, but she said it should be Steven on the invite because of ettiquette. i can't even remember now what name finally made the cut! she became obsessed with the height of the cake - so much so that i had to email the cake maker to ask him how tall each layer was, and she had a good think (honestly) about whether or not this was high enough for people to see it, despite the fact the cake would be on a table. on a raised platform.

i could go on. but i won't. ? there are way too many stories to tell!

anyway, back to you. if your mother is really, truly, worried about this, then it might be worth asking her if SHE would like to redo the name cards. obviously to make sure that they are therefore done in the correct way. she might end up thinking that it is too much trouble, but if she does them, then it gets her off your back and stops any further strops about them. this is what i did about the favours for our wedding, hence the reason my mother ended up doing them on her own! ?

x

teenybash - thanks for your reply. I had them professionally hand written in calligraphy, so they cant be done again. its tough, they are staying as they are as thats how we wanted them!!!

in which case... if she really, honestly, needs to get them done again then you could sweetly inform her of how much it would cost her/your father to redo them.

we had our name cards done by the hotel as part of the package, but had to be very clear in the instructions about what name appeared on them. we had two guests with the same name but one of them was known as Dave Bxxxxxx and the other as David Bxxxxxxx - there would have been some confusion if both had the same name plates. you could tell your mum that if it helps - people may not automatically be looking for their "proper" names on the table/table plan and untold chaos and confusion will be avoided by leaving the namecards as they already are.

if your wedding is soon, then i am sure that there will be something else that she will obsess over, forgetting about the name cards.

hope you have a lovely wedding day

x

No,I dont think it matters, we have a mixture of full names and shortened names

It never occured to me why I did some one way and the others the other until I just read your thread! ?

I know how you feel - my mum keeps saying the same thing. Even to the point where I put on the information sheet Lisa and Nick and she said it would be Lisa Jane and Nicholas Carl. Ridiculous!!!!! Invites I can understand but the info sheet????!!!! Come ON!!!

One of my friends joked with me in the run up to our wedding that it was clear that my mother was determined to get the wedding she'd always wanted. ? it was very obvious when dress shopping with her that "her" wedding included a bride in a floaty princess meringue and bridesmaids in floor length shiny frocks. we had (ahem) *some* disagreements.

in the lead up to the wedding, i was also quite happy to throttle whichever kind person handed her a "Wedding Ettiquette" book. that effing publication became the bane of mine and S's life for a good 6 months. any phone call that started with "According to The Book, we should have..." was not going to end well!

mothers, eh? they complain about all your choices and then claim credit for them on the Big Day. ?

The mother of a friend of mine became similarly obsessed with having the groom's FULL name on the invitations, inspite of him hating his middle name. She lost the battle but didn't give in - contacted the printers, said that a mistake had been made but she was "prepared to let it go as her daughter should have spotted it on the proof copy". Then she said that the orders of service must be "done properly" and include the grooms middle name, Leslie. She then hid them so that Bride and groom couldn't do anything about it.

When the bride saw them 2 days before the wedding, Mum had to pay over £1000 to have them re done as a rush order, not only did they have the groom's middle name on - which at that point she might have got away with - she'd spelt it "Lesley".

The reprints did not include his middle name! ?

*sigh* I love you Claires, I wish more brides were like you.

Teenybash is totally right. Your mum will make a fuss but on the day will take the credit for everything that gets complimented on, I see that a lot! At a wedding a couple of weeks ago, the bridesmaids had the most stunning ivory dresses on. I complimented the bride (who looked absolutely amazing) and said that it's not everyday you meet a bride who thinks the bridesmaids should get a bit of attention. Her mother piped up and said she aggreed and that it was all her idea - "No-one goes with tradition these days, so you might as well have the wow factor". When she'd gone the bride said her mum had thrown an absolute fit when she saw the dresses and ranted about how you should never have the wedding party in ivory because the bride should get all the attention! ?

x

I do sympathise and the problem is that wedding etiquette has relaxed so much over the last 10-20 years that at some weddings it's barely apparent and lots of older generations struggle with that!

I did all our stationery and we just had first normal names on place cards plus initials for duplicates e.g. Sarah S, Nicky A but I did have a mini argument with my Mum. I'd sent her a word document for the addresses for her to print onto stickers for me. She rang me to ask what sex Nicky & Duncan were as she was adding titles - WTF - I explained that I didn't want titles and for her to change everything back to how it was. I hate formality whereas to her it's the norm on envelopes. She also insisted we posted all the relatives invitations as it wasn't the done thing to pop round and hand them over in person!

ah shucks?

I have a feeling my mum and I are going to come to blows about my bridesmaid between now and the wedding (November). I want her to walk down the aisle ahead of me and was told "but she'll get all the attention if she walks in first". BM is also wearing a white dress which I think is beautiful on her but I have the feeling my mum isn't happy about it as "they'll confuse her with me". Erm, I'm hoping that everyone there will either know what I look like of have a pretty good idea who the bride is!

I hope it doesn't matter as my invites and place cards used folks nicknames - I had Moho, Utters, Yoda, Fossie, Thorpy ..... even 'brideslave' !!

Tell your Mum to chill out! Its YOUR wedding! If you wantd to not do place cards and have folk escorted to their places by naked men wearing wellies, thats your decision!

Has your wedding got an informal or formal feel to it? We had an informal wedding so just had peoples first names/shortened ones too.

Having full and proper names would have been ott!

Love it!

good grief my mother would have a heart attack!?

It doesn't matter at all. I've used shortened names on the table plan and place cards (Jonny for our usher, for example - I've never called him Jonathan!) but have used title and surname as well.

My problem was that when my Mum wrote the invitation, she decided I'd spelt some names wrong and changed them. So Jonny got an invitation with his name spelt Johnny (h2b got a right earful about that!) and h2b's cousin Kahl got his addressed to Karl. When I corrected her on that one, it then appeared on the draft table plan as Khal!

I have come to massive blows with my parentals about what they think we should and should not be doing - so much so that we actually postponed our wedding last year because the stress got too much! This year we are doing exactly how we want and they are getting no say in it! One of our friend's nickname is Pants - and that is what is going on his placename!! My parents have had their day and now this is my day!

I agree with everyone that I don't think it makes the slightest difference as long as they are all the same - i.e. you don't call someone Mr Fred Bloggs and the person sitting next to him Bobo or something. It has to be one way or the other.

We went for the very formal Mrs Firstname Surname etc on ours for two reasons - firstly I wanted it to be the first time I saw my name written down as Mrs Catherine Scott !!!! And secondly because my husband was in the army at the time and he had lots of colleagues there in uniform and when in uniform they are supposed to address one another formally according to their rank etc. We didn't feel we could have the Colonel of the Regiment there in his full dress uniform and put 'Big Nose' on his placecard!!

HTH
Catherine