Dont know what to do. poss sens

I'm really sorry to hear about the news. I'm not really sure I can offer much advice to be honest because I have the same sort of feelings going through my head at the moment. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer last year and at the time was only given a matter of months. Once they established whether he could have chemo he had some sessions which has given him a little longer, however it really is a matter of taking each day as it comes.

We got engaged after finding out but we are currently looking into having our wedding this year in the hope he can make it however if he doesn't then my worry is that a wedding will be the last thing on everyones minds and I'll end up making things worse for everyone.

I'm sorry I'm not offering much advice but I just wanted you to know that I can completely understand how you are feeling (I'm sure there are maybe others on here in similar situations) and sometimes it helps just to know that someone else at leasts understands. I too find it hard talking to my parents because we all end up getting so upset. I hope I'm talking some sense!

Obviously, you've only just found out but it may be worth considering postponing the wedding once you know more about the diagnosis or the family member concerned may even want you to carry on and, although the day will be tough, it may be help everyone to kind of come to terms with things by being altogether.

If you ever need to just make a post to vent out your feelings we're all here to help as much as we can.

xxx

Hi December,

Thanks for that and am sorry to hear about your dad. the person in question has already said that we MUST NOT cancell anything but just feel horrible and then when I do manage to get excited about something with the wedding I am then immediately filled with guilt as feel like I shouldnt do so. I know that sounds stupid! thanks for the offer of support - I think I just need to come to terms with it a bit and we should know if they are going to treat it or leave it shortly so waiting on that.

Thanks December. wishing you all the luck and best wishes for you and your dad.

x

Gemmaw how awful for you and your family - i'm so sorry to read your news. in practical terms, your wedding is 6 weeks away, and your family member has said not to cancel anything. so do press on, even though you are feeling as you are. my MIL had terminal cancer, but the big family events kept her happy and sane, and gave her something to look forward to, despite her prognosis. and your day will be a happy day, despite everything that is going on - you are probably all feeling shocked and sad right at this moment, but hopefully this will wane slightly to allow you all to fully enjoy your day.

please don't feel guilty about feeling happy - it is your wedding day, you should be feeling happy about it.

(maybe you might need to consider 1 or 2 things on a practical basis for your family member, as they may be going through treatment in 6wks time - a quiet area/room for them?)

we are all here to support you whenever you need ?

Thanks Bluewater,

As we dont know if the cance is treatable yet we are hoping to find out soon I will think about where she can go etc - there are plenty of rooms that she can go in with other people or on her own if she wants in the day - I know its stupid of me and when I read Decembers message I thought of things I would say to her and then realised that I should be saying the same things to myself - but its amazing how unrational you get when its something like this. Sorry to hear about your MIL - fingers crossed you all had a good day.

Thank you both so much for you replys I am finding it helpful to know that I am not completely irrationaly about the wedding as my immediate though was to postpone it.

thanks again.

I'm really sorry to hear your bad news.

I'm afraid I don't have any experience of close relatives with cancer (thankfully) but I would agree with bluewater when she says you should press on with your plans. Like she said, it could give your family member something to look forward to, and may help to keep everyone's minds a little occupied in times of worry.

I'll be thinking of you and your family and hope that the news regarding your family member is good news.

Sorry to hear the bad news and I hope the family member is able to fight the horrible disease. ?

Can I tell you my story? My MIL died suddenly a week before our wedding in September 2004. She was 49 and had a heart attack. It was as you can imagine dreadful. My husband and I were out on our hen & stag nights. MIL was meant to join me but called to say she felt ill and wouldn't make it. At 3am on the Sunday morning we had a call from the hosital. She'd collapsed in the garden Saturday night and died. My husband was beside himself. I was in bits. It was just horrible. My first reaction was to cancel the wedding, my husband wasn't sure he could go ahead with it which was understandable. We spoke to FIL and he wanted us, for HIS sake, to carry on with the day which was the following Saturday. So for him we did. The day itself was beautiful although you could see the strain on FIL and his daughters (my SIL's). My husband coped really well, although he couldn't find the strength to make a speech so instead I gave a toast in MIL's memory. The funeral was the Tuesday after the wedding so we had to cancel our honeymoon and rebooked for April 2005. MIL was cremated in the outfit she bought for the wedding, along with her corsage we'd ordered. ?

Sorry for waffling but I wanted to say, if you can carry on then do so. It will give you all something positive to concentrate on and enjoy. ?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUjpM_cZ-c4&gl=GB Hav

I don't know if this helps, but I always find it inspirational, if not a happy thing to watch.

I suspect like most, this member of family doesn't want to be a burden and probably wants to enjoy this wedding with you.

My advice is: Enjoy your wedding, enjoy your time with this person. You have an opportunity to experience a great day with this person. Grab it while you still have a chance.

Pete

Hi Gemma,

Sory to hear about this.

My gran was diagnosed with cancer in 2006 just shortly before my son was born, we were told by the doctors that she would not last the week. That was May and luckily she was around to meet her first great grand son, born at the end of June.

There was 2 family weddings one at the start of Aug and then my sisters at the end of Sept, my gran made it to my cousins wedding in Aug, but unfortunatley died on the Monday morning before my sister wedding and her funeral was the day before the wedding. My mum and dad told the family they were cancelling the wedding as no one would be in the mood for it etc but they all said no as its not what my granny would've wanted. The wedding was good but it was very very surreal to be at a funeral one day and a wedding the next.

I understand what a difficult time it is for you and you're family, but if the person in question is saying to cancel the day then take their advice, if the unfortunate does happen before the wedding then it may be a welcome event for people to get dressed up and celebrate, if not then the day will be all the more special for not only you but the person in question.

Only you know you're family and what they would like, but if the advice is to go ahead with the day then go for it.

I hope everything works out for you.

With luv

Victoria

xx

Hi Jen and KB3

Thanks for your replies. KB3 so sorry to hear your story. but glad that you had a good day in memory of your MIL and you are so right she would have wanted that. I know that I will find the strngth to carry on as it is what my relative wants. I am about to go to the hospital now to see the relative and will be back in the morning.

thank you all for your kind words it really does mean a great deal to me and I hope I can repay the kindness sometime although not in the same way.

x

Sorry Victoria, I must have been writing previous post the same time as you - thank you for your thoughts and sorry to hear about your gran. hopefully it will be something for my relative to look forward to and we can all have a good day- fingers crossed.

x

My dad has terminal cancer and the most important thing for his pride is that people don't draw attention to it or change arrangements, he doesn't want to be a burden to anyone. Hard as it we just have to carry on as if everything is ok and make the most of everyday, so family events are something to look forward too and aim for.

Thanks 3d,

sorry to hear about your dad and I agree that you should live each day as it comes - feeling much more positive today but just wanted to thank you all for your support it really helped yesterday. And I wish everyone that is in a similar position all the best for your big day and for your family members.

x

Hi Tinkerbelle,

All I can say is that everyone that has posted on here has really been an inspiration to me so thank you! I have decided to make the most of what I have and plan on trying to carry on as normal best I can - for the sakes of my family! we will all just pull together and hopefully find the strength to get by, day by day. I WISH EVERYONE ALL THE LUCK IN THE WORLD AND THANKS.