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Beginner September 2004

Don't read this if you have addictive tendencies.

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paulapants, 2 May, 2009 at 22:43

Posted on Off Topic Posts 405

www.omegle.com transcript from conversation with random stranger tonight: Connecting to server... Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on. You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi! Stranger: you buy monkey!? You: i buy monkey! You: big monkey? Stranger: MONKEY NOT FOR SALE! Your...

transcript from conversation with random stranger tonight:

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: you buy monkey!?

You: i buy monkey!

You: big monkey?

Stranger: MONKEY NOT FOR SALE!

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Much amusement to be had.

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405 replies

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Beginner January 2004
Rache · 3 May, 2009 at 20:22
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<sob> I just refused a lovely French man (supposedly) my MSN address. I feel so cruel.
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ashke_again · 3 May, 2009 at 20:23
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Hmmm, i got this...

You: heeklo

Stranger: hi!

You: gah, hello

Stranger: from?

You: uk, you?

Stranger: me too

Stranger:

Stranger: age?

You: i don't give out my age....

Stranger: 34

You: how did you find this site?

Stranger: PIPEBENDER

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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(Have · 3 May, 2009 at 20:23
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Connecting to server... You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hello

You: do you have cloth preferences?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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(Have · 3 May, 2009 at 20:32
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This is long, but it amused me:

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: i'm not here

You: you haven't seen me

Stranger: oh

Stranger: are you normal

Stranger: ?

You: not so much

You: well yes

You: perhaps

Stranger: are you american?

You: are you normal?

You: English

Stranger: |:

Stranger: oh

You: what are you up to then?

Stranger: talking to some English ***

Stranger: nothing unusual

Stranger: you?

Stranger: are you studying psychology?

You: ditto, but american

You: nope

Stranger: sure about that?

You: i did latin and greek at uni

You: that was my degree

Stranger: are you over the age of eighty-six?

You: oh yes, i had a sandwich year in ancient rome

You: you?

Stranger: yes! well, I like to think of myself as being rather ripe for my age

You: not over-ripe?

You: unpleasantly squishy?

Stranger: you're getting a little personal

Stranger: what's your name?

You: eric. yourself?

Stranger: oh, hello, Eric. I'm Svetlana.

You: nice to meet you.

You: do you have any cloth preferences?

Stranger: cloth? what? chamois

You: good good

You: just checking

Stranger: and yours?

You: so what's going on with you?

You: oh - linen, i suppose

Stranger: are you vegan?

You: no, but i have been a vegan in the past. wouldn't recommend it.

You: also avoided citrus fruits and dairy products

You: now i only avoid courgettes, and that's not on moral grounds

You: are you a vegan?

Stranger: Eri

Stranger: Eric

Stranger: this relationship will never work out

You: yes Svetlana

Stranger: I'm sorry
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Rosencrantz · 3 May, 2009 at 20:33
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I'm talking to the lovely Greg from California, who dirt-bikes and runs for fun and is at college studying Business Management and Political Science.

I LOVE Omegle!!
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Beginner May 2007
AllyDrew · 3 May, 2009 at 20:33
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This reminds me a bit of a couple of years ago when someone found a site called QuestionSwap - you ask a question then get to answer one - we all charged on there and the site was swamped with Hichers asking people how often they washed their towels, their feelings about Satin. and what would Jesus do? It was great fun.
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(Have · 3 May, 2009 at 20:35
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Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: hello

Stranger: DO YOU LOVE ME

You: ardently

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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IncaPinca · 3 May, 2009 at 20:36
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Stranger: Are you from London?

You: yes

You: u?

Stranger: cool

Stranger: i am coming to london with my best friend this summer

Stranger: we are looking for a girl who would like to have a threesome in the hotel..

You: where from?

Stranger: croatia

Stranger: so whadya say

You: i say yes

Stranger: Awesome

Stranger: just one thing, how old are ya

Stranger: we ll send pictures over the next week

You: 23

Stranger: Awesome !!

Stranger: we are 17 and 18...

Stranger: age of consent is 16 in UK so no worries

Stranger: so.....are you going to send us pictures too?

You: I am having my operation in two weeks so my new vagina will be fully healed by the summer

You: what hotel you going to?

Stranger: dont know the name, but some crappy low budget lol

Stranger: with a twin bed

Stranger: for sex..

Stranger: ^^

Stranger: its in western london

You: so you don't mind post op transexuals?

Stranger: Ooooooooooooooh now this is interesting..

Stranger: let me ask my friend lol

You: what type of sheets do you wanna do it on?

You: satin?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.?
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Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 20:39
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Charlie Brooker did something like that with an inane daytime TV programme - the idea was that you'd text in messages and they'd scroll along the bottom. He'd observed that they were generally moronic and drivelling, and suggested readers of his column raise the standard. Which they did, with a vengeance.

I'll see if I can find the piece online...

UPDATE: It's not online, but here's the relevant bit:

I can't be arsed to type the rest, but Sara-Michelle got her revenge by tracking down Brooker's phone number (by the simple expedient of checking which mobile sent the text he'd owned up to sending in his previous column) and ringing him live on air. ?
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clair_de_lune · 3 May, 2009 at 20:41
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You: Hello!

Stranger: so.. just what's it going to take to get your tits on cam then?

You: Perhaps I'm a man.

Stranger: true indeed.. but if i ask it often enough there's a statisitcal probabillity i'll find some women lol

You: What is the statistical probability that they will show you their breasts?

Stranger: slimmer again.. but still finite... so there is the possibillity

You: I love an optimist
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Beginner September 2004
barongreenback · 3 May, 2009 at 20:47
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I'm having a rather pleasant conversation about Lost.
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Beginner January 2004
Rache · 3 May, 2009 at 20:49
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You: hi

Stranger: tentacle rape

You: good starter

Stranger: indeed

You: is it sea creatures only or are humanoids allowed?

Stranger: well, monsters

You: good, I was worried there for a bit

Stranger: why ?

You: I thought I'd landed on the wrong board, not having tentacles n all

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Beginner November 2007
memyselfandi · 3 May, 2009 at 20:51
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Stranger: Hi

You: Hello, how are you?

Stranger: I;m fine and you

You: Superb thank you

Stranger: asl?

You: Does it matter?

Stranger: No,

You: then why does everyone ask?

Stranger: interessed i think

You: I mean, being realistic if I were a 58 yr old hairy man I wouldn't admit it on this type of site

Stranger: haha, that's right

You: Surely one of the atrractions of this site are the anonymity it provides, make your first question about age and sex and you may as well just speak to a smelly man on the train

You: What if the ugly people are actually interesting? Do you think if you're unattractive you will usually have a better personality?

Stranger: Yes i think

You: What's the trade off between having to be interesting to make up for your lack of looks and the insecurity that the same said lack of looks can bring

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Beginner
Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 20:57
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Stranger: hey, i love pussy

You: Me too. What brand of pet food goes down best with yours?

Stranger: euhm

Stranger: let me check

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Beginner January 2004
Rache · 3 May, 2009 at 20:57
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Stranger: anal sex?

You: not tonight josephine

Stranger: boo bye
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Beginner
monkey fingers · 3 May, 2009 at 21:00
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Stranger: hi You: hi Stranger: asl? You: angry seals leave Stranger: ? You: asl Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Beginner
Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 21:01
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This may be because I'm a hapless innocent who's completely ignorant of the ways of the world, but how exactly are you meant to reply to a question like "Anal sex?" with a completely random stranger on the internet? Or rather, what kind of reply are they expecting?
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Beginner
(Have · 3 May, 2009 at 21:10
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View quoted message

perhaps "bend over" would have been a good response
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Drunken Castaway · 3 May, 2009 at 21:14
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Waaahh hitched bingo!!!

? Joflake!

J xx
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Drunken Castaway · 3 May, 2009 at 21:14
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Waaahh hitched bingo!!!

? Joflake!

J xx
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Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 21:15
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Or possibly "stooper or stabber?", which is apparently what former Sun editor Kelvin MacKenzie used to ask of people caught up in a gay sex scandal.
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Beginner September 2004
barongreenback · 3 May, 2009 at 21:15
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Stranger: hi

You: good evening

Stranger: where u from?

You: The Batcave

Stranger: hot

You: I have air con

Stranger: that's a plus

You: yeah, all that technology racks up some heat. The Batmobile is pretty warm too

Stranger: are u batman?

You: I'm Batman's secret best friend, Geoff.

Stranger: so where does geoff come from?

You: Geoff comes from the land of happy badgers

Stranger: slovakia?

You: They have happy badgers in Slovakia? Excellent.

Stranger: yeah it's lovely
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Beginner October 2007
stafoo · 3 May, 2009 at 21:23
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Twas good to speak to you Mr JK... sorry i had to chat n' run, but MrS was a bit peeved that i was having random conversations with not-so-randoms during the dinner making process. And I forgot to make gravy! ?
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Rosencrantz · 3 May, 2009 at 21:29
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You: hey

Stranger: hey

You: soooo

Stranger: so?

You: is there an echo?

Stranger: ..re an echo?

You: satin?

Stranger: ...tin?

You: ok, this is going to be very one sided

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Beginner
Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 21:30
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Stranger: so what do you do?

Stranger: analyze strangers?

You: Yes, it's a full time job

You: Pay's terrible, though

Stranger: how are the wages

Stranger: damn

Stranger: it must be fun then

You: I know - you'd think people would be falling over themselves to pay top whack for in-depth random stranger analyses... but no.

Stranger: oh my god, why not?

Stranger: i would actually

You: You'd pay for an analysis of a completely random stranger?

Stranger: if i was the

Stranger: umm whats the word

You: Demented?

Stranger: employer

Stranger: heheh

Stranger: demented employer

You: Yes, well I've certainly had demented employers in the past, but not quite that demented.

You: I'm obviously answering the wrong job ads.

Stranger: its just luck

Stranger: but i must ask, what kind of ads do you look for

Stranger: it can be your fault

You: This is true - I generally look at the heavy-duty chief executive ads in places like The Economist

You: But since I left school at eleven with no qualifications, they never seem to have what I'm after

Stranger: oh than its their fault obviously

Stranger: nothing to do with you

Stranger: come work for me

Stranger: i will pay you for analyzing

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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Beginner
Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 21:31
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Well, if it makes you feel any better I burned my pizza.

Which sounds like a euphemism, but sadly wasn't.
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Beginner
(Have · 3 May, 2009 at 21:34
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Hi five Mrs Cee, hitched bingo!
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Beginner January 2004
Rache · 3 May, 2009 at 21:42
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Haha just found La P?
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Beginner
Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 21:43
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I thought I found another one just now, but turned out to be a false alarm.
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Beginner
Mrs Cee · 3 May, 2009 at 21:44
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I found a hitcher at last!! Thanks moomoo for the delightful chat about windmills and artic roll!! get back to marking your school work
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Beginner
(Have · 3 May, 2009 at 21:44
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We're out there looking for you, la p
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Mr JK · 3 May, 2009 at 21:48
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Stranger: i want huge tits in my mouth

You: What, more than one at the same time?

Stranger: doesnt matter

Stranger: as long as there huge

You: But if they're huge they won't fit, surely? Unless your mouth is unusually capacious too.

Stranger: :o

Your conversational partner has disconnected.
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