Dont want to feel like this anymore. UPDATE

I have no advice, but just wanted to let you know I've read your post and offer a ?

I don't know what advice to give, HAve you spoke to your dad about the way your mom is behaving? Or infact your mom about the way she is behaving? Do you have any other family that can help out?

?

Poor you, it sounds like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. (I've been there, I know...) Have a hug ?

Please go back and see a different GP ?

ive tried to talk to my dad but he is burying is head in the sand and mum says she hasnt got a problem and that she isnt sinking nearly a botle of vodka a day. when i call her at 8.30am she is drunk. my brother aint interested he has his own family to take care of but he forgets i have two kids of my own to take care of too.

Oh DA, you have your own family to look after. How do you feel about the situation with your H/ Do you think it's something you want to work at and do you think it can improve?

I don't know what to say about your parents, until one/both of them admit to having a problem (your moms drinking and dad being ill) there isn't to much you can do? Such a bad situation for you to be in, what do you think would happen if you didn't go and clean/shop for your parents?

You need to break down the issues and tackle them one at a time- at the moment it must just seem like a huge great inpenetrable mess, but once you sort out a few things, I promise you, you'll start to see some light. First things first, you need to sort yourself out. Your parents are adults who will have to look after themselves until you're in a fit state to be of support. Also, you have 2 children who need you, so you must put you and them first. Have you been to see your GP? Are you and your H receiving marriage counselling? If the relationship is over, do you have somewhere to go? Is your H getting proper careers advice? I think once you start to think about options you'll feel more empowered to take positive action and start to sort things out. ?

My H doesnt want to split he says he loves me but im thinking if he does loves me he would want to work at the relationship and get councelling which i suggested and he refused point blank saying he had better things to spend our money on. He wants us to stay together but i have to accept he has other things more important than our relationship on his mind at the moment. his job is safe now and he is getting overtime so the financial situation will soon sort itself. Part of me wants to just tell him to go and part of me wants him to stay.

my gp surgery is worse than useless my gp has told me that im just stressed and that i just need to relax. im not keeping food down, cant sleep, having sweats, horrendous headaches, discomfort in my chest, breathless all the time and in tears all the time i just feel i dont want to carry on anymore my kids are the only things keeping me going at the moment.

Oh lordy, here, have a tissue.....

OK, first off, back away from your M&D's situation - like others have said, they're adults and will have to deal with it themselves until you are well/strong enough to help out.

Second, your GP is right in that you're stressed, but if they won't help by giving you AD's, etc. then what about taking Bach's Remedy? It's easily available over the counter. Your symptoms are all stress-related, so it should help. So should something like a warm bath, with a book and a glass of wine and some candles - it's not much, but will give you space for half an hour or so after the kids are in bed - sometimes its the very simple, little things that make just that bit of a difference to how you feel for a while.

Third, how about making a list of everything that's going wrong - like you have in your original post. Write it down and pin it up on a cupboard door in the kitchen where not only you see it, but your OH does too. He may very well have more important things to think about, but it will bring to his attention the fact that you are at your wits' end. By writing things down, it gets it out of your head and leaves space for some calm to get in.

Put mental fences up and give yourself space to breathe and calm down and concentrate on the things that really, really are important - ie. your kids first, your husband second. The rest can then fall into place.?

See another doctor, get a second opinion. The symptoms you describe may very well simply be down to stress, but unless you have extremely well developed coping mechanisms (and it doesn't sound like you do) then you're not going to be able to pull yourself through this without some help. You sounds so defeatist, I wish I could give you a hug because I know how it feels when you think everything is on top of you. It will get better, it WILL. ?

Next, phone relate and make an appointment- you only have to pay if you use their private fast-track service. Otherwise, it's a donation of what you can afford (although the waiting list is longer than the private one, so get on it now and by the time the appointmkent comes roundm, your H may have changed his tune). Even if your H won't go along, I think it would really help you to talk to an expert about your difficulties.

And I'm sorry, but anybody can say 'I love you, I want to make this work'. What proves the truth or otherwise of those words are the actions of that person in day to day life. He is not acting like he loves you. There may be very good reasons for this- he too could be suffering from stress, anxiety, even depression, but somebody needs to take control of the situation and it doesn't look like it's going to be him just now. ?

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, ive no one else to talk to you and hitched was the only place i felt i could turn to get things off my chest.

Lou what you have just said regarding H was exactly what ive been thinking but just couldnt word it.

You poor darling, offload anytime you feel like it. ?

From what I see on Hitched you can turn to us lot any time.

I don't have any advice for you but I do want to offer a ?

Well, what do you expect, I am of course very clever indeed <swelly head> ? Only kidding. what is true, however, is that I've been in a relationship with somebody who professed to love me but wouldn't follow through with the actions. It sucks. If I can help at all, just shout.

Oh yes, been there too - they could talk the talk, but couldn't/wouldn't walk the walk......

how did you cope with the situation and have things sorted themselves out?

Firstly a ? for you for the way you're feeling. The advice you've received here is good, please do try and get another perspective from your gp's surgery.

Your parents are not your responsibility. Your mum has to probably hit rock bottom before she tries to sort herself out and she won't do that while you are going round doing everything for her - there's no incentive. If your dad sees the state she/the house is in after a few days or a week, it might kick start them both into action. Even if it doesn't, you can't make yourself ill by worrying about their problems - you have enough of your own. You need to stay healthy for your children and for you. If that means anti-depressants or whatever, you need to get some help. The idea of writing everything down and showing your husband is a good one. He can take it away with him and read it thoroughly and perhaps write his own stuff down too and, you never know, it could kick start some communication. Its very difficult when one party is burying their head in the sand and won't acknowledge that something needs to be done.

Good luck to you - I hope you can start to get this sorted and feel better soon.

Take care.

Ive just phoned my gp surgery and have an appointment on monday morning with a female doctor, im also gonna write everything down and give it to H and maybe he will take some notice and do something about it.

once again thanks a million to you all and sorry for going anon.

It was very difficult to cope with- lots of denial and head burying in the sand, and eventually we realised that things weren't going to work. You have to both really want to make something work- relationships are hard enough, even when both people are pulling together to make an effort. You need to work out what you want to happen- and you don;t actually need your H's help to do that. I get the feeling that you're feeling very hurt and rejected by his actions, that you do love him and just want him to pull himself together and start showing his love for you. Honestly, the two of you desperately need to sit down and have a full and frank discussion- the problem is that you need to come up with an action plan, and in order to do that, you need to identify behaviour of one or both of you that needs to change. However (and this is the tricky bit imo) you need to do that without apportioning blame or fault to one party or the other. This is where professional counselling can be invaluable, because they are trained at doing just that.

once again Lou you have hit the nail on the head that is exactly how im feeling. you should think about a career change.

Good idea to write it all down for your H, might also be a good idea to do the same for the doctor. I know it can be hard to express everything you need to say within a 10 minute appointment.

I know you said that AD's didn't work for you before. But if the doctor prescribes a different type, it's worth a try taking them. I was quite ill from stress a few years back and would never have coped without AD's. I needed to try a few different types before I found the ones that worked for me.

AD's won't cure the problems you are facing but will hopefully stop the spiral of negative thoughts replacing your normal more rational ones.

You need to concentrate on yourself and the little ones first. Everything and everyone else will just have to wait until you're stronger.

I hope things look up for you soon ?

Well we have now split up as i asked him to leave this morning. He has made no effort whatsoever and i cant cope with the situation any longer. I now have to get myself together and keep things as normal as possible for the kids.

Was at the doctor on monday she has put me on anti depressants and arranging for me to see a psycologist.

Thanks a million for all the support you have given me.

Just want to offer you a? and well done for keeping your strength and dealing with things! One step at a time and you will do fine I'm sure!

Missed this thread originally, but just wanted to give you a ? and wish you good luck sorting out a happy future for you and your children.