Dress shopping with OH's mum causing problems...

I had both my mum and my mum in law with me when I went dress shopping and it was wonderful sharing it with them both. I am my mums only daughter and my mum in law only has sons so it was the only dress shopping experience either of them will have. If she is really dead set against it maybe do one shop with just your mum and then invite your MIL along after that?

I thought that, but if I found 'the one' in my ML's company I think that would upset my mum further. Just wish she would agree to come along

I think it is really normal for FMILs to go dress doing these days. When I was MOH last year, my friend took all her BM and both Mums. I didn't take either mum or any BMs although the friend I did take would be a BM if he was female.

I think most brides discover at least one thing that their mother becomes irrational and unreasonable about. you may have just found yours. Is there a larger issue at play here, to do with your Mum being insecure about the great relationship you seem to be developing with FMIL. Would some gentle reassurance help?

I think you should take your FMIL along. I think your Mum is more likely to forgive your doing so than FMIL is to forget that she missed her chance and wasn't included. You want to set off on the right foot when you're becoming part of her family.

My mum has always said that because in her eldest its a different bond than what she has with my brothers and sisters. She feels as though my FMIL is taking over and trying to be mum to me. But I think it's nice she is like that, much better than having a dragon of a FMIL!

We are also 2 very different families, I think my mum is worried that my FMIL is going to 'judge her' etc.

You have a bit of time to get your mum on board with fmil coming. But if not then this would probably be the best answer.

I found the one with my mum and grandma, but I didn't put a deposit down until I'd been with my bridesmaids, you could do the first exciting shop with your mum. Then go again with your MIL

My MIL has two boys and really wanted a girl, I get on brilliantly with my FMIL so for my first two appointments next week I have invited my Mum and MIL. I didn't know how my mum would react ( she seems fine with it) but I wanted to include both and MIL treats me like the daughter she never had. The next Saturday dress shopping it will be me/mum and Gran...also I want to include my Aunt so I think this is a subject that needs sensitivity but also it's your wedding so it's your decision.

This is the same as me, she has 2 boys and from day 1 she treats me like a daughter. I just think it would be nice having them both with me throughout. I'm going to have to spend a bit of time convincing my mum it will be fine...

Also, I'm going to start going to wedding fairs nearer the time just with my mum, so that could be our special time together.

I have the same dilemma and am also unsure what to do. If it was up to me I would want both of them there, but I know that my mum is jealous of my FMIL and the fact that we get along well, so will be upset if she comes too. But part of me feels it's my day and I should do what I want. Families eh!

First time I went I tock my mum, fmil, and my sil( my brother girlfriend of 12 year and my moh) didn't find anything then when to anther just my mum & sil there I found the one but it was abit far from hometown so i had it ordered in to my local shop that time, mum, fmil, sil and my gran was all with me as I know it was the one so everyone of to see the dress, but am only taking my mum to fitting as I want the final look to be a sursrise for everyone.

Like you my fmil has only has sons, I lived with them for 18 months while we was paying a house, my mum and dad are fine that I want in laws to be be part of planning at end of day my mum & dad still going be parents of the bride on the day never going have that taken away from them, we having nick's dad to a speak as he never get to do one, am also having pictures just me and ffil before I go in to church.

Honestly, I think your mum is being a bit ridiculous. If they didn't get on at all then I would understand, but a wedding is the joining of the two families and, especially as she has no daughter of her own, I think it's a lovely thing for you to do to invite FMIL along.

Agree with this.

Does your mum know your MIL well? I'm wondering maybe a couple of lunches just the three of you first might make her warm to the idea?

No they've only met twice, once by mistake as our mums had separate Mother's Day meals at the same restaurant and the second time was when I had a birthday do at my house and invited them both. They didn't speak much, and my mum said afterwards that she didn't feel comfortable with my FMIL's 'mumsy' attitude towards me. From that, she hasn't wanted to try again with her

I just wish she would be happy that I have such a good relationship with her, rather than trying to get in between it. The lunch idea sounds great by the way!

Your Mum sounds a bit jealous of your relationship with her ?

I was about to say that too, she sounds jealous more than having a real reason to not want to 'share' dressing shopping with your FMIL

Well I tried on dresses with my Mum, had my best friend come when I made my final decision, and had MIL come to a fitting. 2 reasons: firstly MIL has 3 sons and no daughters (same reason I asked her to provide my something borrowed) and secondly my own Mum won't say if things are wrong and I knew MIL would back me up.

I think your Mum is being very selfish. What if it were her with sons but no daughters

Sorry but uv only just got engaged and ur gettin married in 2015 I think everyone needs to chill out abit and in a year or so time it might not be an issue. U haven't even been engaged a week yet x

I'd rather it was sorted before I actually start going dress shopping, hence why I made the post. Doesn't mean I'm going out tomorrow to get my wedding sorted. I know it's a while off yet...

Not very helpful I know, but I just wish I'd had this dilemma. My MIL lives miles from us and never showed much interest in dress shopping so I didn't ask her and my mum made excuses as to why she couldn't come! My sister was keen to come with me and my mum eventually came along to a fitting but wasn't particularly fussed and showed zero enthusiasm!

I think if I were in your situation I would perhaps include your MIL in the fittings / accessories.

Not very helpful I know, but I just wish I'd had this dilemma. My MIL lives miles from us and never showed much interest in dress shopping so I didn't ask her and my mum made excuses as to why she couldn't come! My sister as keen to come with me and my mum eventually came along to a fitting but wasn't particularly fussed and showed zero enthusiasm!

I think if I were in your situation I would perhaps include your MIL in the fittings / accessories.

I've told my mum that she has to accept it is my wedding, and that it is going my way not hers. She will just have to get over it. I'm not going to include my FMIL in EVERYTHING I do, I just thought that it would be nice especially as she has no daughters of her own. She might not get the same oppurtunity with her other younger sons girlfriend.

My wedding - my choice

Good for you!! What did your mum say to that?weddings bring out the worst in people sometimes, unfortunately xx

I think you should try and get them together a few times before dress shopping, the lunch idea seems like a good one. Sounds like your mum isn't happy about the relationship you have but you need to explain that you get on very well and want her to as well.

I used dress shopping as a chance for my mum and MIL to meet and they got on really well, Weddings are about two families coming together so use it as an excuse for them to bond a bit.

ETA, i didn't see your last reply, well done for telling your mum, hopefully they will be the best of friends by the wedding ?

I would potentially go with your mum first, and then go with both of them.

I do think the issue is a bit of jealousy on your mum's part, and although she's being a bit over sensitive, I'm not sure it's worth upsetting your mum over it.

Even if you think you've found THE dress on your first shopping day, you have a decent amount of time to then go somewhere else with both mums, just so you're sure.

I had the same problem with my Mum and FMIL. My OH is one of 4 boys and I really wanted my FMIL to be part of the process. My Mum suddenly became very protective over the whole thing and didn't understand my reasonings at all, she just said I should take my Godmother as she only has boys too and it would be nice for her.

Put me in a really awkward situation as I'd already told FMIL I wanted her to come and then had to say that it would just be me and my Mum. When I suggested that FMIL come to fittings with me, Mum said she thinks we should keep the dress a secret until the day.

It actually broke my heart speaking to FMIL about it. I don't understand why Mum had to be like this, they get on well and I would even go so close as to say they were friends now as they were introduced quite early in our relationship and we meet up all together regularly.

I've promised that the shoes are down to her and she can help with those and also asked her to loan me something for my something borrowed.

Some Mum's are just very protective over the whole thing, I can honestly say throughout the planning that I've seen my Mum in a different light. I'm glad you had the guts to stand up to your Mum, something I couldn't do!

You didn't do anything wrong, and actually what you've done is really nice and kind so definitely stick to inviting MIL if that's what you want to do! Not every bride gets along with their MIL!