Dropping people from the guest list... after save the dates.

If they havent bothered with you then they shouldnt expect to be invited anyway.. but since youve sent a STD this could be a tough one. If i were you i would either just ignore tbe fact they got a STD and since one didnt even respond just assume they arent coming anyway and miss them off the list from now, or just invite to the evening. If they dont live locally theres a good chance they wont come anyway but atleast you will look like you made the effort.

Ooo that's a tricky one. Being as you don't really speak you could drop them a note saying due to restricted numbers you now know that unfortunately they won't be on your guest list. Or you could just not send them an invite and hope it's forgotten. At least the first option gives you peace of mind that they know they aren't coming and there won't be an issue last minute with them ringing saying they never got their invite.

Hmm, I had this conversation with my fiancé that you can't give someone a save the date and then not invite them to the wedding but we were talking about people we see quite regularly but may not be able to fit on the day list. I have a friend from work who I see now but she is off on maternity leave tomorrow for a year, lives about 40 mins away from me and I am also waiting to go to a new job so I'm not sure how things will pan out and if we will still see each other often in over a years time when the wedding comes round. So, I am holding off on giving her a save the date at the moment as it could make things awkward.

Anyway, getting back to your point. I think that if you don't see or speak to them regularly and you really don't want to invite them, then you shouldn't feel obliged to. I would prepare myself for the possibility of an awkward conversation nearer the time as to where their invitation is. If you prepare for this and have an explanation ready and don't mind if things get iffy (as you never see them anyway) then I would say not to invite them. If you think that things may change and you don't want to upset them as it may harm the friendship then I would say to still invite them if you have the space. I don't think that I would invite them though if I was in your position. X

I'd maybe just send them evening invitations?

x

That's a good idea. Send them evening invitations, hopefully they won't come but at least you have still honoured your save the date! X

The problem is if you've sent them a save the date the point of that is so they can book time of work and sort travel... if they have planned to come and done that then its a shitty move because they have already paid and organised it (and id assume since one came on your hen do she is planning on coming to your wedding too)

I would definatly still invite the one that attended your hen do (im guessing she paid money to celebrate with you then too) the other one who hasnt spoke to you in years is maybe different, its cheeky but you could maybe get away with not sending an invite and seeing if she say's anything, if she is not planning to come she probably wont even notice but if she did make plans to come she will probably get in touch and ask where her invite is and then you can pretend the invite 'got lost in the mail'.

I think the evening invite is a good shout - especially as they might not come anyway then!

I've invited people to my wedding that I haven't seen in ages. I move around a lot so there are plenty of people that I only see at big events like this. I think since you've sent them a Save the Date and one came to your hen do, you should probably just invite them. If you had fallen out it would be different, but this is just a case of not seeing them in awhile. Will it really negatively impact you if they attend? I went to a wedding last year where my OH was the brother of the groom and we still only exchanged a few words with the couple the whole night. Is it worth burning bridges unnecessarily if your friendship has just hit a rough patch? They may not even come if your friendship has truly deteriorated, but then at least you've done your part and can't be blamed. If you really can't stand the thought of them being there for the whole day, send an evening invite as others have suggested.

I think if you don't follow through with an invitation now that you've sent them a Save the Date, it wouldn't look very polite. Although it sounds like they aren't very polite either - fancy not even acknowledging that they'd received a StD!! If I were you, I'd get in touch with them before you send an invitation, and just say hi, how and you etc. and see if they bring up the subject of your wedding. If they don't, you're definitely free to not send an invitation! Think of it as giving them one FINAL chance to save themselves...if they don't take it, it's their loss not yours

Sorry no rude. You'll be effectively ending a friendship in my eyes. A lesson as to why one should think about their guest list before sending Std. And they attended your hen!? You can't not invite them after that.

Nope, sorry it's poor manners to send out a STD and then not follow up with an invitation. If I'd received an STD I would assume I was invited to the whole day and plan accordlingly, unless it's was explicitly stated it was for the evening only. Think about how fuming you would/will be if someone rsvp's to the day and then doesn't rock up.... It works both ways. It is expensive for guests to attend weddings too and many will plan ahead if they believve they are going to be invited.

However if you don't mind being rude and can deal with any potential fallout then simply act on your wishes and don't invite them.

I also wonder how much effort you have put into keeping in touch with them. Presumably the lack of contact is down to both sides.

I think the one who came to your hen, you do have to invite. You've told her via a save the date that she's invited, and she's been part of the build up to your wedding. She made the effort to come to that even though you said you hadn't seen her for a long time before that - to me that shows she still cares and I think she would be hurt if you then took the invitation away.

The other girl to me is a little different. You haven't seen her in almost 2 years and even spoken to her for almost a year, to me that isn't a friend. Someone in this thread said it would end a friendship, but to me there is no friendship to end.

Sending the invitation would be considered the polite option, but it really depends how much you mind if she is annoyed with you. It might be worth trying to find out through any mutual friends if she has mentioned it at all. One poster said she may have made plans, but if she hasn't spoken to you since finding out the date then how would she know where the wedding is to book hotels or anything like that?

Personally, I wouldn't send it, and would accept that she may be annoyed but the likelihood is she won't even notice. As long as you're comfortable with the fact she won't be happy when she sees you got married, then this is what I'd do. You could try starting a conversation and see if she mentions it.

Oooh this os a tricky one. I think the girl that made the effort to come to your hen do you definitely need to invite, it would be bad manners not to, she made the effort to come along after all.

I read it as both girls acknowledged the STD? If so then it would depend whether you care about the other girl falling out with you and the "friendship" being over (which from the sounds of it wouldn't be a big deal to you anyway)

However if she didn't even acknowledge the STD then don't invite her, bad manners work both ways and not even ask about/acknowledge the wedding is also very rude in my opinion.

We are having an issue at the minute in that we are limited for numbers to the day, OH's brother and his girlfriend have split up but are fairly amicable and FMIL is trying to insist we still invite her and her 2 sons to the wedding.

I think it's really poor form if you don't invite the girl that went on your hen do. She has already paid out money to celebrate your wedding. I guess this is a downside of having your hen do so early.

Regarding STDs, I personally didn't give much thought to whether they were acknowledged or not, I don't view them as something that require an RSVP. Some people might not be able to commit that far in advance.

Had to do a real double take when you said they had "STDs"?

What about demoting them to the evening do? We did this with one of our guests. We'd invited her and her partner to the whole day then when they got married they only invited my fiance and only to the reception. I was still fine with them coming to the day but my fiance was a bit miffed and wanted them demoted!

Sorry but No! Not only is it down right rude to "hope they catch on" but its also a cowardly thing to do.

It's your wedding at the end of the day but if you no longer want to invite them then you should at least call them and explain why.

One of them attended your hen do now that takes a lot of effort and costs as well so if your not going to invite them then you should tell them - we had guests at our wedding who we hadn't seen in about 4 years due to us living hundreds of miles apart - they were still invited and came to our wedding as we are still friends just life means limited time and funds to catch up!

Thanks for the advice everyone.

The two girls really aren't the kind of people to have arranged anything like transport or hotels so soon- they would probably do it about a week before the wedding, so that's not something I'm worried about.

I understand that it would be rude not to invite my friend who has been to my hen-do though, you're right. But it does make it trickier if I invite her but not my other friend.

I am toying with maybe just sending out the invites and seeing how they RSVP- I do think that the girl who came to my hen-do will come, but I doubt the other girl will even RSVP so that will have sorted itself.