Drug use (poss sens)

What exactly worries you? That she will do it in front of the kids and influence them? That she is taking care of them whilst under the influence of drugs and so may not be a fit mother? I'm not saying I disagree with you, just trying to pick it apart a little more.

I suppose elements of all you have said! I've never taken drugs so don't fully know how it would affect her capabilities in taking care of her children. I felt very uncomfortable, partly due to how blatant it was I suppose.

I think the fact that she makes these decisions in the first place is just concerning, increased more when children are in the frame. Just doesn't sit well.

Well, how it affects her capabilities very much depends on how much she's taking, when and how often. There's a chance it may not affect them at all - the effects are quite short lived. However, if she's taking it whilst caring for them, it could lead her to be more careless and aggressive. The other potential issue is that she may be depressed and not much use as a parent whilst on comedowns - but again, this depends on how much and how often she's using. And then there's the risk of spending a lot of money on it - but I'm guessing from what you've said that she earns a decent amount.

I think a lot of this is to do with you feeling uncomfortable around drugs, which is perfectly understandable, but not really related to her parenting. I think you may have to let it go unless you actually see her using it while with kids or see that her parenting abilities are clearly compromised because of it.

Taking cocaine is no different to drinking in terms of the effects it has on you - except that drinking will give you loss of coordination, memory loss and cause you to make bad judgements while cocaine won't do any of these things unless you're taking it by the bucket load. Coke literally just gives you a nice feeling, and can cause arrogance, due to increased levels of confidence it causes. I would worry more about if they were going home to take care of their child while incredibly drunk than I would about any cocaine they've taken.

Finding it disgusting is really quite judgemental when you admit you don't know an awful lot about it, I find it interesting that you've chosen to post this anonymously (and I'm watching what I say for fear of offending a 'friend' in case you are someone I'd count as a friend!) ... but really I find what you've said to be quite close minded and a little bit curtain twitchy.

You have two kinds of users, those who might buy a gram or two as a treat for big nights out (birthdays etc) and they'll share that little bit between a group of friends, have a great time and then not buy any more again for months, and then those who will spend all their bill money on it and do it at home in front of the telly alone, and get a problem with it. I would suspect your friends are of the first group.

Unless she is a close friend then I don't think there's anything for you to do or say. As she was openly taking it she's obviously not embarrassed by it, have you spoken to anyone else in the group about it?

I have made a snap judgement, probably because I have so little knowledge, which I guess is wrong. I've just seen a huge red flag and thought the worst I suppose. I had no idea up until now, how it makes people feel etc and it's effects. Maybe I'm just being naive!

Try not to worry, just because they let their hair down by drinking and taking coke doesnt mean that their children and neglected or abused. Yes, a small minority out there do expose their kids to those things, and do end up with the social on their ass, but there are tons of parents out there who take drugs on a night out, knowing their kids are safe with the grandparents or whoever.

Short term (as in during the evening), booze is way worse than coke. The coke wears off after not long but once your p!ssed you are stuck that way all night.

Obviously long term EXCESSIVE coke and alcohol use isn't good for you at all.

Tbh,i would be more concerned if they were smoking in the same room as their small kids at home than taking coke on an odd night out away from them. :-)

Unless you know for SURE that they are taking coke around their kids amd exposing them to all sorts and are deeply concerened about their welfare then you cant and shouldnt do anything.

I have a couple of friends that 'party' on the odd occasion, usually on a rare night out (one of them does have children). The use isn't heavy, and is recreational. In fact, one of them is tee-total but takes drugs, weird. I don't think saying anything would help, I think that she's probably grown up enough to make her own decisions and consider potential issues etc.

I meant that the OP's obvious discomfort around drugs is not related to the drug user's parenting skills, not that the cocaine use is not related to the user's parenting skills. Sorry, that's a bit convoluted.

I am possibly very judgemental too. I hate drug taking yet know little about it. Its illegal for a reason though surely!?

I think its an awful habit, but then I don't drink or smoke either. Not saying I am perfect though, I have an awful diet consisting of a weekly mcds! (But I do go to the gym 3 times a week to balance it out!) Annnnyyywayyyyy, are other friends in your social group concerned about the use of drugs?

I used to have friends who took coke, they did it one night in my house knowing how against it I was, I was appalled and asked them to never do that again. They didn't. 5 years on we are very much in different circles, we occasionally see each other, but only a few times a year. They went down the drugs and party life style (they are doing 'harder' drugs now more frequently) and I went down the career and family life style.

Like others have said re the parenting, unless you can show that the use in the presence of the children etc I don't know really what you can do.

I would probably have to put myself in the judgemental bracket too and one of the reasons I am in this bracket is because I've never really been exposed to it anymore than a friend doing a spliff at a party or a ex doing a jack and Jill at a party never really been around snuffing the white powder so if I was to see this whether or not the taker has a child I would be concerned and whether the word disgusted is probably a little strong I wouldn't like being around it one bit. also when I think of a drug taker (no offence to anybody here) I imagine the type of person you see whose a proper scruff pot I never think of a professional couple. having said all this I don't drink much and don't smoke.

I am of the opinion though having said all that we should go the European way where a weed bar is legal in controlled environment

I wouldn't put myself in the judgemental bracket, but drugs do scare me. I suspect it is because I know very little about them, apart from marijuana and what I have read is often sensationalised and judgemental in itself.

However, in this case, I would have assumed that the couple were taking advantage of having a night off from the children, and were not necessarily regular users. All parents have their ways of relaxing on a night away and while this wouldn't be my choice, I'm very much of the opinion that you live and let live.

IF however, I had seen them using the drugs in front of the children, neglecting them in favour of the drug or showing obvious signs of addiction then I would be prepared to report it - that will be part of my safeguarding duties in my volunteer role after all.

But, I would do the same for alcohol, smoking and any other addiction that could cause the same problems.

Ooh, I find drugs a really interesting topic, not least because of the way people judge it without learning about it. (I'm not judging OP, just a reference to other comment) I've never taken drugs, but I am a scientist (although nowhere near this field) so I like to learn about it. Cocaine is one that particularly interests me. Basically, cocaine messes with the way your body handles dopamine (the stuff you produce when you're happy, eating chocolate releases it) it stops your body re-using it, so you get a flood of it as it just produces more. Hence the intense rush. Cocaine is like alcohol in that most people could have it occasionally and not get addicted, so to be honest providing it is only used by your friend at parties every so often I don't think you have a lot to worry about. Flora makes a good point though, taking it with alcohol is a really bad idea as they mix to form a toxic chemical, so if you were to say anything to her about it, that would be the thing I would choose.

I think it is their business and as long as they don't do it in front of their kids it should stay their business. Recreational drug use more often than not stays that way. Would it be my choice as a parent? No. Would I judge someone who did it when they have kids? Yes. Would I do anything about it? Nope.

This, word for word.

Completely agree with Lister and Holey.

My own view on drugs - quite apart from anything else, I am a control freak and cannot imagine putting myself in a situation where I was "out of control" (children or no children involved). I find it difficult to deal with others when they are "out of control" too (mainly only experienced this with alcohol).

As a consequence, I would only drink within my limits, never smoke and certainly never take drugs. I don't even do caffeine (much) as it makes me go funny!

It depends on how close a friend you are I think.

In my opinion, taking the alcohol example, people aren't alcoholics just because they are destitute on a park bench. They can be compulsive drinkers and hold down incredibly good jobs and appearances to the outside world while the family is very dysfunctional on the inside.

So I don't know this person or her situation, but if you say that you have suspected it for a long time the coke taking may have been going on whenever they are able to feeling free of the kids? That doesn't sound like a healthy release to me.

Maybe I'm in the judgemental camp too.

If she's a close friend, you could express concern (without saying you think she's doing the wrong thing, you could just say you have been worried by what you've seen.) However, you are powerless over her choices and she may just say that she is fine.

I concur, my main issue with drugs is that they can be ingested in gross ways, the idea of shoving/snorting something up my nose just makes me want to vom. But then I rarely even have paracetamol as I don't even like swallowing pills. I am a bit odd though.

Personally I would let it go and if it upsets you that much don't Go to parties with that social group anymore.

Slightly hijacking this thread, but just started watching the Stacey Dooley programme on BBC3 on ecstasy. Really interesting stuff! Didn't realise came from illegal logging.

They were at a party yes? Were their kids there? If so, then yes they shouldn't have been doing it, but they shouldn't have been getting wasted on alcohol either. If the kids weren't there and they had a child minder then I don't see the issue.