Would go anon but what the hell!
i've admitted to myself tonight that i do have issues regarding eating. i eat even when i know i won't enjoy it, when i know i'm full and want to stop, or when i won't enjoy the taste. i have a desire to just stuff myself with food. as odd as it sounds, i find eating hushes the internal monologue and calms me - not that i actually hear voices, just the general hum of thoughts. there's hardly anyone in my family who isn't morbidly obese - none of the women have avoided it. my grandma was an anorexic in her younger years, as well as having a whole range of serious mental illness. my mother is a depressive, and unintentionally (but knowingly and regretfully) introduced me to poor eating habits as a child. i have tried dieting, but i find i just don't care enough not to eat excessively. when i was at school i was slim - size 8-10, and i stayed at that size until i was about 20ish after meeting my h. i have gone up gradually since then, and am now a 14 (coming on for a 16 if i'm honest). i don't look as big as i am, but i'm scared by my responses to food. i've been thinking about going to see a doctor because it's an issue that terrifies me; i'm following the same pattern as the rest of my family. i am afraid that my doctor won't take me seriously though, i think a 14 is about average for women generally, they might just tell me to eat less and exercise more. but i know that's how you lose weight, that's not the issue - i have trouble stopping myself from eating even when i genuinely don't want to, and i think i may need some help overcoming this compulsion. also, as i'm going in to teaching and i know how stressful it can be, i don't want this to be my response to stress.
does anyone have any experience of the same thing? how did the doctors respond?
thanks
