Eurgh!! Don't mean to rant but starting to get annoyed now...

I think you need to tell him that its upsetting you. He's obviously proud that you're getting married, but he needs to know its not ok to keep doing that!

I can't offer much advice I'm afraid but my first impression on reading this is maybe he's acting out of guilt because he can't afford to pay for it? It does seem like a strange way to handle it though, particularly as it doesn't sound like your OH's parents are showing off about it.

You should write underneath it (and tag the in laws in it) "don't worry dad, FFIL has put a bit behind the bar, so your wallet won't have too much damage done to it". X

I think he feels guilty too! If it is bothering you I would speak to him, very subtly about it. You don't want to upset him anymore. Hes obv very proud of you and I'm sure he wouldn't carry on if he knew it was making you feel uncomfortable xx good luck x

I think it's really inappropriate to put that kind mof thing on FB even if he was paying for it all. You could approach it from a different viewpoint and tell him you don't want everyone on FB knowing details about the wedding and knowing how much you've spent.

This.

This also. I don't want details of my wedding plastered all over Facebook, not because I'm being secretive. I'm showing anyone who cares my dress! But purely that I find Facebook the devil sometimes and j prefer to keep things to myself. You need to tell your dad this and also explain as grateful as you are hes, it's upsetting you that his gift towards the wedding is causing him to worry about money or to constantly tell people about it. Almost like he didn't want to do it but felt he had to. That way you aren't acknowledging the gift from OH parents but just saying it' seems it was a chore to pay a bit towards not something done out of choice. If that makes sense? Hope that helps x

This needs addressing asap. Just outright ask your dad why he is suggesting in public that he is paying for something that has been paid for by someone else!

It's dodgy ground, but it needs nipping in the bud.

I don't have any advice really, but my Dad has done similar. He hasn't given us anything towards the wedding, yet whenever someone makes a joke to him about the expense of a daughter getting married he's all laughing and 'oh yes I know'. No you don't know!!

p.s love the user name...from another crazy animal lady....

This has made me wonder if anyone has made any similar comments to my dad! Thankfully he isn't on facebook.

this from me as well, although my inner demons would want to put some kind of comment underneath his i know i actually wouldn't do it as it could inflame the situation

I agree with this - you need to tell him that it is making you uncomfortable and to stop it. If he reacts badly, it will only be because he knows he's in the wrong and he'll get over it soon enough!

As others have said maybe its out of guilt that he's acting like this.

I personally think discussing money, esp. finances in terms of a wedding on facebook a bit distasteful. Perhaps say to him that it makes you uncomfortable with him talking about finances involving your wedding on facebook. If anyone has asked me how much things have cost (other than my parents/OH's parents who are helping us out) I have just shrugged it off and said, "oh, not too bad"/something else suitable vague but in a way that makes them realise that I'm not going to tell them!

My Mum bumped into a lady she knows in town and mentioned I was getting married....the lady's immediate response was "Well, how much is that costing??!!" followed straight away by "Are you paying for it??!!". What on Earth is wrong with some people! My Mum didnt really reply to either question and needless to say didn't stick around to chat for much longer after that!

Could you not perhaps respond in a 'jokey but I actually mean it' kind of way? Like responding to one of his comments with something along the lines of, "ha ha that's funny Dad, stop trying to make people think you're paying for everything?" I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your Dad but that would work with mine.

My dad very often jokes about how he had no money when I was in uni, until I politely remind him that I came away with £15k of debt and he contributed about £500. He accepts he's overexaggerating and we'll laugh it off

Without knowing your Dad and knowing the kind of person he is, his comments seem inappropriate to me. However, putting any kind of reply which refutes what he is putting, however tongue in cheek you try to write it could backfire. Your father's friends I presume are also on facebook and it is these he is bragging to so any comment knocking that back could humiliate him. Facebook is a public forum and this is a hugely personal matter between you/your fiance and him and should remain so. I'm always astonished at some of the personal stuff put on facebook. Don't put it on there if you don't want it to be a public discussion topic.

The way you have phrased the question sounds like you would be uncomfortable raising this with him directly. If so, is there someone else who could have a word. A mum/stepmum/sister who could approach the subject? I agree with others that phrasing it so you don't want the cost of the wedding discussing in a public forum might help.

The only question in the back of my mind is why it has annoyed you so much. I can see it being irritating but the reaction suggests something more to me. You mention that he is reasonably well off so I wonder whether there is a part of you that was secretly hoping for more help from him? If not financially, is it linked to your relationship as a whole with him? Has he not been very supportive and therefore him bragging about your wedding makes him seem like the good father when he may not have been. You mention that people think you are spoilt and this is not the case so there is obviously a history of him perhaps giving a public image removed from what the truth is. Just a thought that if you can't discuss the situation it would be helpful to take the 'heat' out of it for you and one way is to sit and dig into why it is annoying you. Anger tends to mask other feelings which are uncomfortable for us to feel.

I know he's your dad an all, but honestly I think that's really pathetic what he's doing. Does he know your OH's parents can see what he's writing? Not only that technically he's lying.

Personally if I was you I'd be fuming and demand him to actually folk out or shut up. Very harsh I know but if he's explained to you that he can't afford to give you anymore than the £700 he already gave you for your dress, then what one earth is he complaining out?

Yeah he's probably proud of you for getting married and etc. but he has a very strange way of showing it.

You just need to have it out with him and tell him to stop.

Hello everyone! Thank you for your replies, I'm glad I'm not going crazy by being annoyed about this!

I think he's doing it because he recently retired and got a lot of comments from people saying things like "Oh, how can you afford the wedding now you're retiring?!" And he'd just laugh along like 'yeah, I know right!" I guess it's difficult when your friends and co-workers assume that it's still the father of the bride who pays for the wedding. I think I mentioned in my first post that I'm the youngest of 5 children and the first of his daughters to get married. Maybe he thinks this is his one chance to get to show off about how proud he is that his daughter is getting married?

My relationship with my dad has always been difficult and he has always been a bit unaware in social situations and really does lack basic social skills. I worried an awful lot when we had our first big family meal with the in-laws.

One post mentioned that there may be something deeper rooter which is why this has bugged me so much, and I suppose it's just the amalgamation of so many comments about it to so many different people - but putting it on facebook was just the final straw for me. I haven't put anything about my wedding on facebook at all, so I don't know why he felt he had the right to? Also - the venue is the big 'wow' factor for me that I want my guests to experience on the day, so having it plastered over facebook takes the edge off a bit.

I sorted it by speaking to my sister (who is also a BM) and asked her to speak to him about it. She said to him something along the lines of "If I were you I'd delete that post on facebook, M went mad at me when I put something about peckforton castle on there because she's trying to keep everything secret" So he has now deleted it and not even mentioned it to me.

Hopefully that's the end of that then!

P.S. CrazyRatLady - you'd get on well with my bestfriend/BM who has about 14 rats as pets...! She is also a crazy rat lady haha

Hehe, we are a special breed ?

I think perhaps he's embarrassed he can't contribute as much as the in laws but would like others to think he can maybe.

Great you've sorted it now.

Glad you got it sorted. Peckforton Castle looks amazing.

My thoughts exactly. It all sounds very awkward.