Evening do dilemma!!

Weddings are changing a lot and a lot of the must-have no longer apply. If you don't want an evening do, you don't need to have one and for me, having an evening do just so my parents friends could join in would t be a good enough reason to justify the expense and extra work required.

Will you be serving the wedding cake afterwards (with tea and coffee)? That might be a nice way of stretching the day out longer without having an actual evening do. You could throw your bouquet after the cake cutting and slip away quietly afterwards like they used to do in the olden days. If you have music playing throughout , that should create a nice, jovial, party atmosphere.

HTH.

I think half an hour is barely worth worrying about, I wouldn't be annoyed personally to not get aevening do after travelling 30 mins. I'd happily travel that just to be involved in friend/family wedding ceremonies if they wanted me there

All weddings are so different now, not having an evening do, isn't that weird. Just to pay and organise something extra if you are unsure, also may not be that wise, yes there is the money, but do you want to spend it and have to find people do it, at a good price, and if the venue allows it.

If it helps this is what we are planning on doing, after the meal, there will be cake cutting and then the bar will open, and there will be an ipod playing in the background, followed by coffee and cake (I'm still hoping for a first dance, but....we'll see) and we are leaving at 8pm. We have been very open about this, and we don't care how it is perceived, we want to leave then so we can just walk across to the hotel, open a bottle of fizz or wine, and enjoy some of the day just us, after all the fuss and stress has happened. Most people have been taken aback by the bluntness, but most have said how cute it is, and how it's like the olden days where the bride and groom would be seen of onto their honeymoon. Then the guests can please themselves, if they want to stay they can, if they want to move on they can, or they can go home at a reasonable time so don't have to pay for a hotel on the night of the wedding.

You never know one your parents may want to do an after party for their friends and anyone else who wants to carry on, have a word with them, and see what their opinion is.

I don't expect an evening do. If you think people will, you could just put on the invite that it'll wrap up before 8pm or whatever.

I wouldn't worry about what people *expect* - at the end of the day, they all want to come to see you get married, and that's what they'll get!

We're having quite a simple evening do. Getting married at 1pm, to be sat down at 4pm for our wedding breakfast and then we have the same room all night at no cost with our own private bar. It's not a very big room, and we will only just comfortable get all the tables in for 50 people to be seated for their meals - and it has a nice little balcony.

Because it's not a huge room, we're not fussed about getting a DJ, and I kind of didn't want one anyway. I don't want to pay the money for one, for people not to dance. So we're going to have some speakers going with a music playlist (courtesy of Google Music or Spotify probably).

I'm putting together a wedding pub quiz, about the family and the bride and groom, plus we're having a wedding bingo, with things that people can check off during the evening - but only if they get talking to everyone there. Both will have little prizes for the winners (either some sweets or a bottle of wine).

The main thing I want to happen is for the two families to mingle. At my sisters wedding, everyone seperated into their own little tables and groups, and didn't really talk to one another outside their family circle. So I'm mixing everyone up and making it into a proper family do.

Me and my OH are prepared for people to start leaving any time from 9pm, and I'm more than happy if that's what they want to do. Our venue is in the centre of town, so I'm sure some people will go out on the razz, or maybe even want to go get food (as we're not having any food past the meal - just leftover cake). I want people to be content, and I know I'll be content (cause I'll be married!!) and we're not paying a room hire charge, so won't be missing out on anything financially if people start to leave.

Thanks guys - lots of great advice for me to mull over! x

The only thing I would say if you are not going to have the evening bit is to make that clear on the invitations so there is no confusion.

As others have said, there is no 'must do' nowadays, have it as you want it. But equally yes it's an opportunity to have your friends parents along, let people celebrate with you but also to let your hair down and relax after all the build-up planning the wedding and stresses... I can't wait for the first dance to be done and then I shall definitely be letting my hair down and relaxing! x

I remember the first wedding I ever attended, that was about 10 years ago or so. The couple did a medieval themed wedding. The ceremony was held at the city hall, bride and groom wore medieval inspired clothes. They didn't even exchange rings but sabers instead (I don't remember if they were engraved or not).

Afterwards everyone went to an old fortress for wedding pictures, cake and coffee. The couple stayed for an hour or two and then announced that they were off now, because they had martial arts training in the late afternoon. Most guests didn't even bat an eyelash, so I'd say don't worry if you "just" decide not to have an evening do. Chances are most of your guests won't mind (as long as you feed them well beforehand...just kidding )