Eventually h2b gives some input:-

I'm lucky that way - we did absolutely everything together, he even helped design the invites, supplying one of his winter landscape photographs (he does landscape and wildlife photography) and our very own HIB Nat at Inspire Me Designs did the invites for us using his pic...

My Oh has left me to do everything the only thing he decided on was the menu lol

VikingPrincess, I am slightly jealous at the fact you have done everything with your h2b as I wanted to do that with mine, but as he thinks we have so long he doesn't see the reason to rush. Men for you huh?

Phillipa, at least I am not the only one whose h2b does that, it can be so god damn annoying at times. Don't you think?

It can yes everytime i ask for his opinion he just says he isn't bothered and that its my choice.

Sadly ladies this is what 'tradition' has done for us.

For centuries us men have been reminded time and time again that it's the BRIDE'S big day, rather than equally important to both of us.

It's starting to change - slowly - but it's up to you ladies to do your bit to emphasise that it is important to both of you, and I'm sure that in many cases the guys have made genuine suggestions for things that are important to them - perhaps a favourite football team or something - that has been dismissed by the bride because they don't fit in with what they want for their day.

In most cases, it's easier for guys to keep quiet and just let the bride 'get on with it' because she will eventually get her way in all aspects of the day - unless they learn to let go and compromise and have things on the day that perhaps aren't quite what they had in mind - and in many cases have been dreaming of since they were 3.

Most guys won't be too bothered about your dress - a dress is a dress, after all, and we aren't supposed to know anything about it anyway - but pretty much every other aspect of the big day is something that both partners can decide on between them, rather than the bride's wishes overriding everything.

In the past, when the bride's parents traditionally paid for everything, it is of course natural that their wishes, imposed upon the bride and accepted by both partners reluctantly as money = power, but now that the majority of couples organise and pay for their day themselves, that balance has changed - and although of course it may be hard for guys to accept this and get involved, it's also sometimes hard for the bride to "release control".

Having said that, if you aren't willing to share some aspects of your big day to the guy you're going to marry, how can you share the important things in life such as buying a house and starting a family with them...?

Aw bless you, it's always a revelation when they get involved, you'll probably find he does it more now you've responded positively.

My OH doesn't do research, organisation, budgetting but he is decisive and knows his mind. He made so many more decisions that me.

He decided the time of the service, I plumped for 4:30, and he told me that he thought 3pm was better (he was right). Then he chose between our 2 reception venues once I had researched them for weeks. the chose the ring design, he had the final say on the TOG, and even decided chose the centre-pieces. He chose the suits by himself and booked the honeymoon as i'd spent weeks and weeks agonising over where it should be - we ended up back with our 1st choice that the travel agent had talked us out of.

I've found it good for him to have his own "wedding book" too - he has all the Grooms tips from wedding ideas real life magazine stuck in there, names and numbers of suppliers, lists of who needs what, when etc.

We're doing everything together, after all there will be two of us at the wedding! I am really uncomfortable with the concept of "the bride's big day" - it seems to imply that I really shouldn't be bothered about who is waiting for me at the end of the aisle, it could be any old bloke off the street but it wouldn't matter!

I get really cross with suppliers that market themselves purely at women (except for dress people of course) and have ruled out many many florists based on their bride-centric marketing. I have told our florist twice to make sure Mr Spoon's name is on everything as I am sick of being treated like I am the only one who matters.

Very much agree with this - it is rather annoying. A supplier we made an enquiry with asked for my details plus an emergency contact, as it was for my wedding car (OH has his own) I gave my details and OHs as the secondary. He then said, "I'd rather have the house number of where we'll be picking up from or MoHs" - how rude! My OH is perfectly capable of getitng in touch with me in an emergency, wedding day or not! We haven't booked them.

I agree Tina. I can think of nothing worse than a day revolving round me, instead I hope that everyone who is there feels special. My OH has had input all teh way through. Yes there have been times when he has turned round and says well its your day but this tends to be when there is football on and as I very quickly remind him he is going to be there as well and then he will sit, listen and give me his opinion on whatever I was asking. He is designing and sorting out the cake completely and is enjoying the fact that there is something I know nothing about. To being with I think he thought I was mad with the amount of planning I was doing but the more he has become involved the more he realises how much there is to do and the more he helps. I love sitting down and choosing stuff with him and love it even more when we can do something that he suggested.

Louie Bridal

Girls Christmas Dresses

2011 New Style Wedding Dresses

My H2B's input involves trying his hardest not to snore while I rattle on about blue diamante things for the tables HA! He has had his say on the big stuff like the venue, photographer, etc but honestly he's just not into flowers or colour schemes or invitations. And that suits me fine, I love all the pretty details and always ask him for a final opinion.

If I was decorating the wedding venue in motorbikes he would have a hell of a lot more opinion on things!

My H2b is fab, and will help with fiddly bits etc etc but generally i am the ideas person and then he either likes or vetoes or changes it to suit us better, this due in part to that i only work part time and he works more than full time so is always busy or tired! But he knows everything that i am doing, proof reads everything etc etc so hopefully the whole day should not be a surprise

My H2B has been involved in all major decisions like date, ceremony, venue, TOG, colours, honeymoon etc and whilst he is not overly concerned with the finer details like centrepieces etc I do run everything past him and he either says yes or no, if he says no I find something else and if he says yes we go with it. Unless he doesnt like something that I really, really want and then I persuade him accordingly ha ha !!

He also has a quick read of my wedding mags and very often see's things on the net or in the paper and brings them to my attention if he likes the idea or just thinks it is something worth noting

@ Niche - I have banned OH from looking through the dress pages of wedding mags, he is allowed to look at the rest, hehe. Just because I don't want any throw away comment he makes to give me wobbles.

Glad to hear he's taking an interest, Yorkiebride.

Ours has been planned from the very beginning together, save for my dress (although when selecting mine, I did consider what his reaction to it would be). I want our day to be a reflection of us, rather than my interpretation of us which is what it would be if I planned it alone.

From the start it was never a case of it being 'my' day - we both designed the invites and made them, we chose a hymn each, both chose the tog, date, venue, honeymoon. He didn't care too much about the actual flowers but he designed the centrepieces. I chose the vog, but that was more a case me having more free time at that point. I chose the BM dresses but ran it past him, I would even have gone dress shopping with him but he was quite adamant he didn't want to see it till the day!

The only things I did myself were the little touches that no-one would have missed if they weren't there - hanging hearts in the church, a display of family wedding photos.

It can be such a stressful time and sharing the load really helped, and knowing we were planning everything together brought us closer. Give your OH jobs to do - research transport, cake shops, suit hire - it's not fair that you do everything yourself!

At first when we got engaged in June 2010 and I started looking at venues my OH thought I was crazy! He said we had ages before we needed to make a decision. But he went along with it and came with me to see the venues, he actually got really into the venue viewing and he made the final decision. It was both our favourite venue, but my practical head was telling me that while it's not the most expensive venue, it was going to be a lot more than I had initally planned to spend. I had thought I would get our wedding under £10,000 and wanted to marry September 2011. That isn't an option now, but my OH said he wanted our wedding to be the best day of our life's as he's only planning to do it once! and doesn't want to make choices based on price only.

He also needed persuading when trying to find a band, he wasn't too bothered about who sung at the wedding and said I should choose. But I insisted that he needs to have input on venue, band, and the humanist conducting our ceremony.

And now a couple of months down the line he's starting to get more excited, he was helping me last night decide which kind of hairstyles would look good on the day. And while he'll probably not have much input with the flowers etc he has said he likes the idea of a red rose theme, because when we first met he sent me red roses every day for the first week, then every month after that.

My OH is guilty of saying 'it's my day' although in reality I don't think thats true, I have done most of the research but he has been there for 100% of the decisions, when deciding on colour scheme if he didn't like something we weren't having it, which is understandable. We picked the venue together, the wedding car, the caterer and the tog... and our honeymoon is almost two completely different honeymoons put together because I wanted to make sure we both got our dream honeymoon!

I have and will be in charge of a lot of the finer details but they are things that he just wouldn't worry about, having said that I run all ideas past him and if he doesn't like something it isn't going to happen!

I haven't involved him in my hair, makeup, dress and accessories because I want them to be a surprise on the day and I don't think there's anything wrong with that

My OH has helped me choose the venue. Other than that his input so far has comprised of 'don't like that' or 'too expensive!'. He thinks anything 'fluffy' as he calls it is my job. Just hand me your credit card then please dear!!!

My OH isn't doing to bad interest-wise now. At first I think he found it overwhelming and therefore backed away. I researched the venues (created a list) and we visted them together and we made the decision together.

My OH also picked the tog, because he works with him and knows him well. I also put forward a few suggestions as to the suits/wasitcoat but left OH to make the final decision. He also has helped choose the invitations and set up our blog.

The trouble with OH is he's very laid back about certain things "oh, the wedding is ages off" is a common answer and he forgets that some suppliers are already getting booking for 2012 and 2013 weddings.

He does lapse into "it's your wedding" which I try to talk him out of.

A very used saying in our relationship - on both sides I have to say! ?

We both agree on the church being central to our day, but generally what me and OH expect from our wedding reception are 2 very different things! He wantst to party all night and couldn't care less about food and finishing touches. If I had it my way we'd be having a full sit down meal with all our fave foods! So we've had to plan together else one of us would have been very disappointed! We have compromised... I said "NO, no way" to his Karoke machine idea, he said the same to my Ice cream van idea. But overall, we have a reception that suits us both!

My OH insisted on helping, and has spent ages online looking for stuff.

He looks for the big things, like venue, and leaves the little details to me.

Don't get me wrong he has chosen the venue. the date and the TOG, but I think in his head he thinks we still have so long to wait so therefore why the need to rush and plan everything immediatley. He did say he will put more input into things as of January so fingers crossed he will.

I also agree that it's not just the 'brides' day but both of ours, and hence why I want his input into everything apart from my dress of course.

Well said Mini. xx

I am lucky, my h2b is pretty much organising everything. I am sorting my dress and the bridesmaids' but that's it! That said, a lot of what we are doing will be home-made (I am making fabric lavender heart favours, my friend is making the wedding cake, my uncle is photographer and another friend will chaffeur us in his vintage Morris Minor) so he does not have all that much to organise. Still it is nice not to have to liaise with the venue, registry office, caterer, crockery hire place etc etc.

It is kind of like having a wedding planner!

Also, my h2b is calling it "the groom's day"!

We've made the big decisions such as venue, date, photographer, food etc together but to be honest he doesn't care what favours we have or what the invites look like that much. He just wants to marry me (his words!). Since I'm making alot of the other decisions, he's picking the table names which is why we're having Spurs players (which I think is a great idea). Don't get me wrong, I show him when I've found something, but he usually doesn't mind what I pick.

It does annoy me when people tell me it's "my day". No it's not, it's mine and my H2B's day! x