Family!!

Do you love your soon to be ex-sister-in-law more than your brother?

This is what it comes down to, unfortunately. Even though I think of my siblings wives and husband as family, if it meant upsetting either of my brothers or my sister I would never dream of inviting them to my wedding.

Yes, it's a sticky situation, and your brother is putting you in an awkward place by giving you the ultimatum of 'if she comes, then I'm not,' but think about the pain he is in as well.

I think going to your brother first was the right thing to do, but unfortunately now that you've invited her despite how he feels you will come off even worse.

No of course I love my brother - but we are not close and me and his ex missus were!

I just thought it would be awkward not to invite my nephews mum and overall feel my brother is being rather childish about it all.

He has no interest in my wedding or me for that fact, but now has my wedding as something he can use in their little break up game!

Thank you for the input though

The break up was due to him running up credit card debt and keeping it hidden from her!

I was their bridesmaid, and we keep in contact whereby I only see or hear from my brother when I visit my parents

This is not going to end well.

Your brother sounds like he is hurting and inviting your SIL has only make things worse. I wouldn't come to the wedding if that was me, so i can understand why he said that.

This sounds like a really difficult situation for you. It's sounds like whatever you do you will end up hurting someone, so I would probably go with my gut instinct. If you want to invite your SIL, then I think that you should (and it sounds like you are really close to her), but then you will have to accept any consequences that go with it, such as your brother not turning up. Have you spoken to your parents about it? Maybe they could offer some helpful advice? If it is a cas of your brother being childish, then he is the one that will be missing out whilst you and all your family and friends celebrate your special day. If he really thinks that he would not be able to cope with seeing his Ex at the wedding, maybe it would be best if he didn't come anyway? Sorry if I haven't been that helpful, I hope you manage to find a solution.

M x

I'm sorry that this is so difficult for you, as you're obviously close with his ex, but imagine how your brother feels, when you are basically choosing the woman who left him. Sure, she may have left him because of trust over money issues, but she still left him and I'm sure he's hurting because of it. Inviting the ex sends a statement to all your guests that you don't care about how your brother is feeling. Even if you aren't very close with him, he's still family, and you said yourself that of course you love him.

Hi I wrote a whole lot of stuff but it went missing!

ultimately I said I'm in a similar situation and hard as it is with family help I'm trying to decide which person to invite.

sorry I can't help more but I want you to know you're not alone!

Personally, i think this would come down to loyalties. You sound like you have a good relationship with his ex, so therefore you she will know you do not condone what he did and support her in that issue but as your brother your loyalties should lie with him and I can understand why he wouldn't want to be there with her there too. He made a mistake and is now already paying the ultimate price for it.

I think you've done exactly the right thing. I understand your brother's point of view. What I would have liked to have seen happen would be both to be gracious and understanding and for your exSIL to gently refuse the invite out of respect for the fact he's your family and she's not. Though if you have a hen event it would be lovely for her to be a part of it?

I get that it's awkward but it's your wedding. You shouldn't feel bad for speaking up as to how you feel and what you want, but I can see it's hard for all concerned x