***, family issues

Bloody hell, you loon, it Is rude ? Taking something back covertly is one thing, but involving other people, and letting the giver find out, is so poor ? I can't believe you can't see that.

I'm afraid I am also with your brother on this.

I think I would have kept it.

~OK making ice cream is not going to be a daily gadget like a toaster etc... , but quite a good thing for entertaining - making strange combo flavours.

& I know from experience (even if you are given a red indian cuckoo clock) to just say thank you.

It seems a rather involved topic - why did you not just take it back, no questions asked ??? Or were you more pi$$ed off that they never bought from the JL list?

It was my mum that wanted to tell them not me, Thats what I dont understand - she has got me into this mess and she wont understand what she has done, I wanted to take it back myself and was quite happy to do so, my mum wanted them to take it back as it was on their card,

I know its rude but I wasnt sure what to do about it - hence me telling mum, I didnt want her to tell my brother, and said so to her, she has again ignored what I said, I obviously wish I had never said it to her but it sort of came out when she asked me what they had got us, she could tell the disappointment in my voice

Cack, ?

What JK said, I'm afraid, unless you knew he wouldn't mind (and obviously he does!)

That's what happens, you get a house full of (mainly useless) gifts ? Unless you stipulated on your gift list that you "only want things from the list, otherwise please don't bother", you should be grateful. My brother got us nothing but considering his taste, that was a gift in itself.

We seriously cannot see us ever using it, my aunt got us a chocolate fondue set two years ago (my family have a habit of buying us fairly pointless presents) and it has sat on the shelf since not used

We did say thank you when we opened it and were going to keep quiet to them but my mum decided to say something to them...

we were sort of peed off that they didnt get something from JL full stop let alone the list, Selfridges is quite hard for us to get to (they put a gift receipt in it so were ok with us taking it back, and they said so) but we were grateful they got us something, we werent expecting them to as they had helped out so much with the wedding (his gf did our reading and he was an usher)

What I dont like s what they are saying about giving it back to them to take back - we had absolutely no intention of doing that, we werent going to tell them we had taken it back (though they probably would have found out next time they came round)

Im going to have to have words with my mum arent I!!

WeveryoneelseS- I'm not a fan of taking thi!ngs back full stop (unless it's to swap for a different size, say)- people give you a gift, not a gift or cash alternative- but involving other people is madness. I'd be annoyed if I were your brother as well.

I clicked on this because of the title, thinking that I know all about "family issues". My family has plenty, therefore I'd never dream of adding to them by creating one about a present someone had bought me. I'd appreciate the sentiment behind them wanting to get me something a bit different that they'd put thought into.

But giving you the gift certificate thing is so that you can take it back! Is it just mixed messages with your mum getting involved that your brother thinks you want them to take it back (with loads of hassle for them)? Could it be smoothed over by telling your brother that you appreciate the gift and the thought but it isn't for you and you will let them know what you replace it with?

I do sometimes think that the point of presents like this is something that you wouldn't buy yourself - and something that you might never have thought of. On the other hand, my brother has a habit of buying other people presents of things he is into.

I can't believe you're "peed off" that they got you something from a different shop ?

OK, I don't see the taking gifts back thing as an issue, but that's possibly because my mother's first words on receiving any gift is "Have you got the receipt?" Now we just include it with the present these days. ?

However, since this doesn't seem to be the case with yours, or indeed most people's families, then yes, rude. Your mother shouldn't have let it slip. Or been involved at all if she's known to be a bit dozy about these things.

Isn't it "it's the thought that counts"...

Please don't fall out with your family over an ice cream maker. If it were me, I would be apoligising to everyone, saying that wires were crossed - life is too short for arguements over a wedding gift that was not on your list.

I hope you all all friends again soon.

Ok that was a bit off I know but it added to the issue

I have apologised to my brother and explained our point of view

I will be having words with my mum

H and I will chat later about what we are going to do

End of story

I shouldnt have posted this but I was upset / angry / and annoyed with myself so wanted to rant somewhere, I should know that I get differing opinions on here - I know it was rude to get them to take it back (which is why we didnt want that to happen) but they did say they were ok with us taking it back - I shouldnt have got my mum involved but I did

Please let this drop now

I don't know why you didn't just return the gift without telling anyone except your H if your brother and his GF gave you the receipt to do so.

You said yourself your mum has a habit of ignoring what you say so don't know why you told her you were intending to return it.

You seem to be blaming your mum and your brother and his GF for all of this - your mum for blabbing and your brother and his GF not buying something that was on your wedding list. You don't seem to realise that you are being ungrateful and rude. You can't be pissed off that someone bought something that wasn't on your list!!!

For our wedding my brother got us one single hand towel. None of H's brothers got us anything. Count yourself lucky that he put that much thought into it. I think it sounds like a lovely present.

Bloody hell, you're being unreasonable, and ungrateful. Your poor brother, gift lists are not a law you know, you're not really allowed to be peed off because he's gone 'off list'.

Fark me ?

I wanted to let this drop but couldnt without replying to this

I wasnt blaming my brother and his gf at all, I appreciate the thought they put into it but it really just isnt us, and Im grateful for them getting us anything

My mum - I didnt actually tell my mum to say anything to them, I know I was wrong to tell her in the first place but I didnt actually mean to tell her it just came out during conversation

I do appreciate that the way its happened is ungrateful and rude - but it wasnt the way we intended it to happen, and I wasnt actually peed off that they bought off list it was just something that added to the issue (as I said before)

Right thats it Im not posting anymore on this - Im getting more upset with the way its turned out, Ive done my best with my brother to rectify the situation and will be having words with my mum later.

Why are you having words with your mum? It was you that told her and she was only trying to help. I cant see what she has done wrong tbh, she only repeated what she was told and was probably only trying to help.

You could have done what my sister did, which is put all the engagement/wedding presents on e-bay. ?

Don't let people's views upset you. Wedding gifts, gift lists, etc are always bones of contention here and have been for as long as I've been a member, and well before that, I'm sure.

It sucks that your mum went behind your back to your brother, and that's the issue, rather than what present they bought you. Tell your mum you're disappointed, tell your brother you're sorry.

Another option is to let your mum store the present for you until such time as you have a big enough house for it.

Personally, I think some of this is a bit harsh to the OP.

So she got a gift with a receipt that indicates it would be okay to take it back. She discusses taking it back with her mum - none of us know what exactly was said here and how so it's unfair to make assumptions. Many folks discuss things with their parents before they do them, particularly if they are not sure it's the right thing to do or not. We don't know how or why her mum then chose to discuss it with her brother, and without knowing the details of the conversation with the mum we don't know whether it was wise of her mum to pass the info on or not. We also don't know the relationships between the OP and her mum / brothers, or what the normal family attitude to gifts and returns is.

The OP might be being unreasonable, or she might not. I'm not sure we know enough to know. Personally I'd be annoyed if I'd discussed something with my mum and it got passed on to my sister in the wrong context.

If you had specifically said to your mum "Don't mention this conversation to anyone" and she did, then I could understand you having words with her, but according to your OP,you asked her advice, went through the options of what to do with the present with her, and did not seem to tell her not to mention it.

I personally don't think it would be helpful to blast your mum for this, and would probably cause even more upset. My suggestion would be to let it lie.

Can I come round for an ice-cream party please? It might just be fun!?

Can't help with the Mother issue unfortunately, it's typical of the way they think they're 'helping' but actually end up starting WW3 for you instead - doh! Awwww don't get too stressed petal - I would ask - nay, demand, that your mum speaks to your bro ASAP and apologises for giving them the wrong message. And next time, thinks before she speaks!! xxx