Family Meltdown.

Poor you, that sounds horrible!

I think maybe you need to sit down with her (if you can get her to stop going mental!!!) and say that you just want her to be happy for you. It is your day after all! If she is really going to be this difficult, horrible as it sounds, maybe you should offer her her money back and fund it yourself? Maybe then she will realise how much she is upsetting you when you should be so happy!!

Or your ignoring her tac may work as then she might realise how irrational she is being! She's had her wedding, this one is yours and she needs to see that what she is doing is upsetting you!!

I hope you manage to get it sorted!

*hugs*

Oh my goodness sounds a nightmare! Have a ?

Is she auditioning for some kind of mumzilla show???!

Thanks Ladies. My poor H2B wonders what family he's joining!!

We can fund it ourselves, we made sure of that when we made our plans. This was mainly my idea as I anticipated history may repeat itself. However, unfortunately, refusing their contribution is difficult because my Dad won't let me. They keep going on about the different in contributions but then say, we want to give it to you. So, it makes no sense.

That said, we're saving exactly what we need to be able to pay for everything ourselves, incase things don't sort themselves out.

Your Dad sounds sensible so i think maybe speak to him about it and say that if they won't take the money back that you are going to use their money for something else and that you two are going to pay for the wedding - i am sure he will get it especially if you tell him how upset your mum is making you over the whole thing! And if he tells her and she goes mental you then justifiably ignore her!!

?

I feel for you, unfortunately i think it's something that some older women do feel is their right, probably because their own parents behaved that way with them when they got married. Doesn't make it right though, does it?!?

I think it was good of your h2b to ring your dad, but i also don't understand why he did. No offence, it just wouldn't have occured to me to do it.

I know it's hard, but i think it's time to have a good chat with your h2b and your parents, explain that you can afford to pay for this wedding yourselves and that due to issues arising over differences of opinions of how things should be done, you feel it's in everyone's best interests for you to arrange and pay for it yourselves. What parents would want to spoil the relationship with their child over 1 day? Sounds to me like your mum isn't allowing you to grow up and that you need to find the strength to speak with her about allowing the 2 of you to have a more mature adult relationship.

I really wouldn't accept the money... if you can go round, I would sit them both down and exlpain how miserable this pre-planning is going to make you...It's really awful that your mum can make you feel like this, when she should be your rock and support.

Hope you are ok xx

It sounds like you need to sit her down and tell her that you want to include her but at the minute shes upsetting you. Tell her you want to do it your way, you want to involve her but your decision will be final. If she brings up money say your happy to pay for it yourself. I had a similar problem with my dad he just wanted everything perfect for me but was going an over bearing way about it, there were some tears but its been much better since. Could you say your happy for them to give you the money as a wedding gift but it gives them no say over your plans?

I think sometimes parents don't understand the impact there words have when it comes to Weddings, i personally wouldnt let her know what your OH's parents are contributing its none of her business. You could prepare yourself with a standard response like 'we've discussed it (the invites, flowers whatever) and we are really happy with our choice but thank you for your input' or 'its all in hand, thanks for your suggestions'.

She does sound like a nightmare, try not to let it get to you have the day you want your way and feel free to rant away here any time thats what random internet people are for. Hope your feeling a bit better

Jeez. I think this is one if those "let's just go off somewhere and just get married" situations!! Good luck, it sounds very stressful.

I agree with an above poster, i just wouldnt take any money from her. The last thing you need is that being thrown in your face when you are trying to create YOUR special day. Who the heck cares if she doesnt like a single thing about your day, so long as everything is as you and your OH want thats all that matters because thats what will make your special day. I am so sorry you have such an awful cloud over you.

I would perhaps sit both of your parents down and explain how miserable the wedding planning has become for you and that you just want to create your special day.

I dont think a corsage is such a big deal, id probably let my mum design her own if she wanted to because after all she has to wear it, but to be just plain out rude and mean about other aspects of your wedding that you have picked is just unacceptable and immature. I don;t understand why a mum would want to ruin this special day for her daughter, i feel so bad for you

So sorry you're having to deal with this. Stick with your OH. You'll be stronger together. Even with a contribution it is YOUR wedding, especially since you have involved her in decisions. Good luck with everything!

*Hugs*

S x

I agree with the others that have said to pay for it yourselves. Tell your Dad they can give you the money for something else afterwards but it is causing too much aggro for them to pay for the wedding itself. Then she can make as many objections as she likes but ultimately you have paid so there's no obligation to listen to her opinions. I also think not speaking to her is the way forward and make all communication through your Dad. Surely he can see this is doing more damage then good? I do not understand these mothers!!!

I have nothing constructive to say, but i hope you work it out. ?

Thanks for your replies, ladies.

Well, I woke up to another msg this morning. She's not coming to the Hen Party now, which I arranged with her in mind, as I appreciated she wouldn't want to go raving round town.

My sister is being really good, keeps phoning me telling me to ignore mum and carry on with the plans. There is a history of my mum acting like this, just i'm not normally on the receiving end.

I'm anticipating a phone call from my Dad in the next few days, but I won't be responding to mum.

I'm trying really hard to keep my chin up, but it is disappointing. Everytime I think i'm moving forward, I get another message.

Thanks again,

Alipops x

I've only been engaged since April and booked my wedding ceremony and venue this week and already I'm astonished at some of the upsetting reactions I am getting from some of my family and so called 'friends'. Weddings seem to bring out the worst in some people and I'm finding that I'm slowly discovering who my real friends are.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this with your Mum, it must be so upsetting. Looking at your ticker, you still have over a year to go until the big day so perhaps she will calm down a bit nearer the time? I think talking to your Dad is a good idea - ask him why she is so uptight about it all.

I have learned very quickly not to discuss any of the detailed bits (flowers, entertainment etc) with either my mum or OH's mum because they have set ideas on how things should be done. Luckily me and OH are footing most of the bill so we have been able to stand our ground with them. My Mum has surprised me the most by throwing a tantrum over the flower displays - I'm getting married in a Cotswold Manor house but my mum had dreams of doing teapot and milk jug flower arrangements for my table centres, but to me they are country kitchen not Manor House! We got into a bit of an argument about it (it sounds like a stupid thing to argue over now I've written it down!) but I just don't want them! Then she has criticised every single dress I have picked out in magazines and has picked out the most god-awful dresses that I wouldn't be seen dead in! (You never know though, I may look fab in them when I try them on). But I'm just shocked at how stroppy she has been so far.

This is not a parr on your problems with your Mum but it's enough to stress me out. I really hope you sort things out with your Mum. My advice to you is don't discuss the finer details with her and you will have less of a reason to argue. If she still won't go on the hen do, then fine - have a cheesy, party, send off instead.

Chin up petal x x x Big hug x x x x