Fat teenagers

I heard this story on the radio yesterday and my first thought was ...it amounts to neglect and child abuse on the mothers part.

I went to our doctor 6 months ago for advice regarding my 13yo daughter as I feel she has some sort of eating compulsion, she eats whole packets of biscuits or thinks nothing of polishing off 3 packets of crisps in one go, even buying huge bars of chocolate from the shop, infact I worked out that every penny of her money was going on food like this at one point. ow I don't deny that it has been known for me to polish off whole packets of biscuits or eat a whole huge bar of chocolate but the problem is that my daughter denies doing it and goes to great lengths to hide any evidence of doing so.

Nothing short of not giving her money at all and not buying these sorts of foods for the house made any difference. She takes a packed lunch to school so I can monitor what she has aswell. She lost lots of weight during the time she had no money of her own and I refused to buy in any of these sorts of food and was pleased with herself. but I also know that I can't control what she eats forever so this was not a long term answer to this problem. She wont learn the value of her money if I'm controlling it constantly either so we began gradually re-introducing these items back into our shopping and gave out her pocket money twice weekly in an attempt to help her use it correctly. It didn't take a week for her to begin the same behaviour again and start to put on weight again.

I decided against removing the money and food again as I want her to be in control of her own behaviour so off to the doctors on my own for advice,I explained that she wasn't massively overweight but I felt she would end up this way if things continued down this road, he was fantastic ! listened to my concerns, I didn't feel judged at all infact he was pleased I recognised this problem before it became a massive issue, we made another appointment for him to see my daughter and he agreed something needed to happen, referred her to hospital consultant and dietician. They say her weight is still within the average for her age but her height is at the bottom of the scale and her weight is near the top so if she continues the way she is going then she is looking at being obese by the time she hits 20 and they said it will become harder for her to deal with the problem as an adult (guess there are a few of us can relate to this), The hope is that the dietician's advice will help her make the correct choices for herself but if not they will look at other avenues to help her combat this issue.

I don't consider my actions to be anything amazing, quite simply only the actions of a concerned parent. So why on earth Georgia Davis's mother couldn't have done the same is beyond me.

I can understand you reinstating money as teenagers do need to learn to spend and budget, but not to buying biscuits/crisps/chocolate again for the house?

No human *needs* those food choices. I know if I have chocolate in the house I'll eat it, so I just don't buy it! My partner and I are both slim jims but just realise that type of food should be treats and not form part of our daily intake.

Even if you can't control what she eats forever, you can cut down the crap she eats now. At 13 years old you still decide what food is in the house, not her. If the junk food is for yourself also, put a lock on the cupboard. Sounds harsh but you don't want her ending up like the girl in the story because her mum refused to stop buying her biscuits.

These items are bought as treats and not bought in bulk outside the amount needed for us all. There is 4 other people in our home and she needs to learn to eat in moderation, everyone is entitled to a treat now and again including her.

Oh yes I completely agree children deserve treats now again, doesn't always have to be foody treats.

Mrs B - in your earlier post you mentioned your daughter ate whole packets of biscuits at a time and several bags of crisps. She was spending all her money on food and actively trying to deny what he had consumed. That is not 'deserving a treat' (well it wouldn't be in my eyes), you thought she was compulsive eating. If she is a compulsive eater, that is an issue that needs to be addressed. She will find it hard to control what she allows herself to eat, it's the nature of the condition, they are compelled to eat and cannot stop. And if that is the case, having biscuits etc on hand isn't helping her - even if 3 other people have to go biscuit-less.

Thanks Kochanski.

TBH, I half expected the doctor to send me away saying it was only "puppy fat" and she was still developing etc but I was grateful for the doctors support and relieved to hear that my concerns were address properly despite my daughter still being within height/weight range for her age. Hopefully this will help prevent obesity becoming a problem for her in later life.

I did not say that I considered whole packs of biscuits OR several packs of crisps to be "a treat" infact quite the opposite! as this was the very behaviour that concerned me hence me seeking medical advice. I did state that I felt my daughter was a compulsive eater but the doctors haven't said that this is the case. If this continues to be the case and my daughters weight continues to increase then I WILL again remove all these items from my cupboard for the sake of her health. But the fact remains that she needs to learn to be conscious of her own food choices. At present she is not classed as overweight so I'd far prefer that she does this now before I have no control over this issue and she is of an age to do as she sees fit. Having biscuits etc isn't what has lead to this problem or both my other children would not be a healthy weight.

I do agree with Mrs B that banning treats completely from the house is not the answer, she needs to learn to see it and say no. A close friend of mine is in recovery from an eating disorder, and I know there are multiple complex causes, but her eating disordered behaviour began when she was a young teenager and her mum banned all processed food from the house so she would end up bingeing in secret on junk food she bought from the shops. "Banning" certain foods just results in those foods becoming more desirable and an unhealthy relationship with food developing.

I was horrified when I saw the story on the news, watching them actually knocking down their house to get her out is unreal!

My OH was a rather large teenager, at 15 he weighed in the region of 23st! Through his own emotional turmoil at being this big for a fair few years, he got himself two jobs after leaving school and managed to shift 11 stone in a year and a half- good going!

I put it down to the lack of parenting skills in his family. The way he sees and tells it, was that his parents didn't encourage a healthy lifestyle and rarely cooked for him and never had a sit down family meal. They gave him money to spend at school which he spent on unhealthy crap and he had to find his own ways of eating. They didn't have a very good relationship anyway and he used to be out of the house more than he was in. They didn't give him any emotional support or encouragement to want to lose weight and I feel that he found comfort and love through food.

Now when we discuss his previous weight gain in front of them, they rarely talk about how it happened and say 'We really don't know how he got that big, he wasn't an over eater'. They just don't seem to take any responsibility for their own child's health or even consider that they were partly or fully to blame for how big he became. They have a better relationship since we have been together and deep down I feel that his parents are now overcompensating for the lack of love and attention they gave to him as a child.

To me I do believe that it is child abuse/neglect, irrespective of how much or little input they have into their child's diet. They are parents and have a responsibility to care and nurture their child. That poor girl is being fed by her parents, for lack of mobility there are no other means to her obtaining food.

I see kids removed from parents all the time and poor diet is often one of the criteria for removal.

These kids aren't usually overweight but have bad teeth etc. They again I don't meet the kids, just the parents and they don't seem big.

Anything that might affect a child's health can be a child protection issue and would be categorised as neglect in my Local Authority.

I feel so sad for this girl. The article says she got her weight down to 18 stone after going to the US. I can't imagine what was going on mentally for her then to not only regain all the weight she'd lost, but actually put even more on and find herself housebound. She must be untold levels of miserable.

As a parent, I can't imagine letting my child get anywhere near that overweight without feeling compelled to do something about it. I worry about whether or not they have a healthy enough diet anyway and my kids are all perfectly average sized and nowhere near overweight. It must go beyond a cavalier attitude to diet and more into some sort of destructive behaviour pattern to not only allow a child to become that obese, but to then perpetuate the behaviour by physically bringing unhealthy food to them. I don't want to call it 'abuse' as such, because I think that implies a degree of malice which I don't believe is necessarily relevant here.

This.

Neglect seems slightly more appropriate, although that doesn't entirely seem to fit either. Really, I don't think I can get my head around what's happened enough to come up with a suitable word for it. It just goes beyond comprehension!