Faux letter amnesty

Will be short and sweet....

Dear work,

Why did I bother trying to do the right thing when you just stabbed us in the back? And it is us that will suffer in the long run

Regards, NNN

Dear Chicken

You are my favourite hitcher.

Love Chicken x

Oo never done one of these, but am feeling pee'd off enough so...

Dear hypocritical boss

Why oh why do you have to get on my case for staying late - but in a passive, aggressive way that makes me feel guilty? You can't have it both ways, when I lose 2 members of staff to sickness and maternity leave, and you don't let me get temporary cover, so I am now expected to do the job of 3 people, within my normal working hours.

Yours, knackered & stressed BB

Edited for lack of ability to string a sentence together

Dear Headless Lois,

Please tell me who Brett is.

Love Sare

Dear Iris,

are you really still confused, as your signature suggests ? The new hitched is not that difficult and Im sure you have figured it out by now, if not you must be fick. Please amend your signature to reflect your true confusivness (ooh I invented a new word as well),

Bettyb ?

Not Lois but it's from Pulp Fiction in the sequence before Samuel L launches into his Ezekiel 25:17 speech ?

Dear Big Brother (family member, not the TV reality show)

Please learn to live in the present and look forward to your future rather than living in the dark and distant past. It's not clever. Or good for your health.

Love lil' sis x

Dear Baron

Some of us prefer to have D&Ms on a wedding forum rather than face the music with their dysfunctional families!

Kind regards

Peaches

Dear Ford Ka & Corsa drivers,

GET OUT OF THE OVERTAKING LANE

Love, me xxx

p.s Man in a Smart car on the M25 this morning texting all the way from Rickmansworth to Hemel should be shot

Dear Baby Buns,

Thank you for your assistance in the aforementioned matter.

Yours sincerely

Sare

Dear work,

I feel so relaxed, happy and pain-free having had 2 and a half days off. I have 18 working days left. I can't wait to leave. And I can wait an entire year before deciding to come back. If I do. Mwhahahaha.

I'm not sure if I want to, to be honest. If you put me back in the other store, I will leave, as it's a thankless job that nobody wants to do, including me. If you put me back where I am now with the same manager, I will leave, because I'd rather ignite my own face than deal with the issues there any more.

I shall continue to enjoy my staff discount though in the meantime. Cheers.

HH x

Dear BettyB

tis done.

Respectfully

Iris

X

Dear Senior Management Team,

Please get your act together EARLY next year so the end of the school year doesn't turn into the fiasco that it has done this year. Please also show your faces to the children more often as some of them don't know who you are. It would also help if you supported the staff more rather than say 'how high' as soon as some parents say 'jump'. Finally, will you stop a certain admin bod from acting like they run the school and are the most important person in it... and can she stop lecturing everybody about everything...

Thanks

catcat

Dear Phoebe

I love you dearly but why did you feel the need to share your vile D&V bug with me... whhhhhhy?

Love

Mummy

x

Dear Hitched

Please keep this thread lighthearted and amusing.

Yours etc.

Baron

Dear Iris,

thak you for your swift action and am rather glad that you are not as confused as you used to be

yours

bettyb

Dear church leaders

We didnt mean to upset you, we felt it was time to leave. We felt unable to stay in a church where we didnt agree with the way the teachings were going. We love you, you have been an inspiration to us. Thank you for the support and friendship. We would love to stay in touch, despite you saying it wont happen in practise. We will miss you.

Mr and Mrs Koshka

Dear La P,

May I ask why he has declared his love for me?

Puss

x

Dear La P,

I thought so. I am very flattered but unforutnately we have no room for waifs and strays so we are unable to take him in.

Puss

x

Gosh Koshka, what happened? Was it to do with the teenage girl?

HH - it's good to hear you sounding relaxed & happy about work. Not long now!

Dear Mrs Jess

??

Love
Holio Hole xx

Dear Me,

Please, please, please don't put brand new batteries in the smoke detector then leave a fish pie in the oven for an hour and 45 minutes. It is a noisy, smelly and hunger inducing practice and now you will have to eat supernoodles and frozen veg for dinner.

Love, Me. x

P.S You may want to have a word with your husband. He keeps laughing at me for the fish pie incident (I don't think he's realised that it was his dinner too) and it's making me want to 'accidentally' set the smoke detector off next to his head at 3 in the am.

Dear Sky

Why can't you log me on hmm? A simple try later isn't good enough, I want to read my junkmail emails from several friends.

Yours

BB

Church leaders became obsessed with Todd Bentley/Florida revial thingy. Both me and Mr Koshka need teaching and structure-our church no longer offers that they just force show us re-runs of the the revival. Its not what we need, we'd discussed it with them 2 weeks ago and nothing happened so after a lot of praying and talking with other friends we've decided to leave.

Dear Belly,

You're spoiling my outfit and I have nothing else I can wear for the wedding on Saturday. Can you please disappear? Fanks.

LG xx

Dear Best friend,

I'm deeply hurt that you felt you couldn't confide in me with your secret. I'm upset that I found out from your husband, whose heart is breaking by the way, because he assumed I knew. I love you with all my heart and you know I would never judge you. Perhaps it was one of those things that there was never a right time for and then it just got too late. I don't know and I suppose I never will. I promised not to breathe a word as you obviously have your reasons for not telling me. It just hurts because I thought you trusted me the way I trust you. I know now that there is a lot you are both dealing with right now and I wish so much that I could be there for you. It breaks my heart that you are hurting and there is nothing I can do.

Please please talk to your H. Tell him what he means to you. This is not his fault, don't punish him for your mistake. I know you are testing him. You don't need to, he is not going anywhere. I also know that there is something else, another secret but I do know why you kept this one from me. You knew exactly what I'd say. I'd like to thank you for not telling me. He'd have seen the truth all over my face. I don't understand why you did it? There must have been a better way.

Like I said, I'll love you always, I just hope that one day you'll feel able to tell me, I want to tell you that this changes nothing between us.

Love you forever xx

Dear Baron

You need to speak up a bit

Yours light heartedly

Iris

Dear Baron

oops, i'll try harder

Dear Self,

TWAT

Dear Iris

I'm better than Chicken and he knows it.

Love and best wishes

Baron.

Dear Holio

Mrs Jess will not care as she is out quaffing wine and acting like the drunken tart she pretends she isn't. But clearly is.

Yours insouciantly

MrsB

Dear Piles

Do sod off.

Yours achingly

MrsB(um's sore)

x

Dear Baron

You're a dead man walking. So long motherfucker.

Love
Holio Hole xx

Dear BGB

When you've finished the birmingham half and you're feeling proud but completely knackered, look out for me - I'm going to kick your arse.

Much love C x

Dear MrsB

I just had to look up insouciant.

Love
Holio Hole xx