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Beginner October 2012

Favourite jokes

Ali_G, 10 November, 2011 at 09:14 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 26

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Feeling quite drained this morning, so make me laugh. Give me your best jokes.

Here's mine:

Seven dwarfs were all in a bath. They all felt happy. So Happy got out.

Ba dum cha!

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26 replies

Latest activity by Sparkles82, 12 November, 2011 at 10:31

Beginner July 2011
Rizzo · 10 November, 2011 at 09:17
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Jeremy Beadle had a small willy.

On the other hand it was big....
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Beginner April 2012
Vee Tee · 10 November, 2011 at 09:48
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LMFAO ?

What is a shih-tzu?

A zoo with no animals?

(EDITED cos i got it the wrong way round...I always do that!)
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BumbleBrat · 10 November, 2011 at 10:10
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Two fish in a tank, one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?".
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Beginner
Rod · 10 November, 2011 at 10:20
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A man goes to the doctor cos he's feeling a bit under the weather.

After a short while the doctor says 'Sir, I'm afraid you are going to have to stop m&sterbating'

The man is shocked and asks 'But why?!'

Doctor tells him - 'Because I'm trying to examine you'

hee hee!
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Beginner October 2012
Ali_G · 10 November, 2011 at 13:17
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Pahahahahahaha!!! This one made me LOL!
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Beginner August 2013
SassyT · 10 November, 2011 at 13:27
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What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A Baboom
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Beginner September 2011
Little Pixie · 10 November, 2011 at 13:41
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2 snowmen in a field

One turns to the other, sniffs and says "do you smell carrots?"
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Beginner August 2014
ATB · 11 November, 2011 at 12:02
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I don't get that - sorry im thick!
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Beginner January 2012
ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown · 11 November, 2011 at 12:04
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Jeremy Beadle had two different-sized hands.
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Beginner August 2014
ATB · 11 November, 2011 at 12:04
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Two aerials meet on a roof , fall in love, and get married.

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant….
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Beginner May 2011
fluffymalone · 11 November, 2011 at 12:12
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A Chav walks into a Bar ... Stupid Chav
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Beginner September 2010
Spangler · 11 November, 2011 at 12:32
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Done before, but:

(Said in Scottish accent)

How can you tell a Scotsman from a cartoonist? The Scotsman wears a kilt, but Walt Disney.

Two cows in a field, one says "moo" the other says "I was going to say that"

(Also say this one in Scottish accent) Scotsman walks into a bakery and asks "is that a doughnut or a meringue?" Baker: "no, you're quite right, it's a doughnut".

What cheese can you hide a small horse behind? Mascarpone.
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Beginner
Trickers · 11 November, 2011 at 12:35
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??
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Beginner October 2012
Ali_G · 11 November, 2011 at 12:48
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I don't get it!!!
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Beginner May 2013
Princess124 · 11 November, 2011 at 12:49
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The magic tractor drove down a lane and turned into a field

and

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they Aaaaarrrrr
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Beginner September 2010
Spangler · 11 November, 2011 at 12:53
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Halloumi = hello me!
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Beginner February 2011
ashlil · 11 November, 2011 at 12:54
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Halloumi (Hello me)
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Beginner February 2011
ashlil · 11 November, 2011 at 12:54
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Loved the Baboom one! haven't heard it before
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Beginner August 2014
ATB · 11 November, 2011 at 12:59
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What do you call a bra stretched accross a road?

A booby trap!
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Beginner October 2012
Ali_G · 11 November, 2011 at 13:07
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Thanks Spangler! Got it now!!
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Beginner October 2012
Ali_G · 11 November, 2011 at 13:08
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Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chickens' ass.
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Beginner September 2010
Spangler · 11 November, 2011 at 13:21
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How do you eat Welsh cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Beginner July 2012
Hollie1984 · 11 November, 2011 at 13:53
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A man goes into a cake shop and says to the baker "how much are your cakes ?"

the baker replies "any cake for a quid mate",

so the man says "aye alright then i'll have two of those ones at the back",

baker says "That'll be a fiver ".

Suprised the man replies " how come its a fiver I thought you said any cake for a quid"

and the baker replies "that's madeira cake''
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Beginner September 2012
Mrs Whippy · 11 November, 2011 at 19:56
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What did the slug say to the snail?

"Big issue mate?"
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Beginner September 2012
Mrs Whippy · 12 November, 2011 at 00:07
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The Whisk

Cooking implement for most.

Favourite boy band for Jonathan Ross
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Beginner April 2013
Sparkles82 · 12 November, 2011 at 10:31
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This is one of my H2B's favourites! He is the master of crap jokes. My personal favourite is this one:

Why did the Baker have brown hands?

Cos he Kneaded a poo.

and another favourite -

Whats white and hangs in trees?

A Meranguatan!
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