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Melancholie
Beginner December 2014

Feeling a bit maudlin

Melancholie, 6 August, 2009 at 10:36 Posted on Planning 0 22

If it hadn't been for Dad's illness I'd have been getting married on Saturday and for some reason it's really playing on my mind and getting me down. I ought to be happy: Dad was at my wedding, I've been married just over a year, we've bought a house, I have a new job to look forward to, but for some reason I can't help feeling down about it.

No need to reply, just wanted to see if getting it down in writing would help.

22 replies

Latest activity by Cosmopolitan, 7 August, 2009 at 19:34
  • Saracroft251
    Beginner August 2010
    Saracroft251 ·
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    Mel, I wish I could think of something great to say that would make you feel better, but I just cannot find the words, I am so sorry

    So please have a hug, and for the record you have the most beautiful wedding pictures I have ever seen, especially the ones of you and your dad x XX x XX x

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  • teeheeyoucrazyguys!
    teeheeyoucrazyguys! ·
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    I think its normal to feel that Mel...here you are with all these fabulous changes going on (good luck with the new job btw!) and yet, in the not so distant past you had to make some big decisions in regards to your wedding and its initial date....... of course thats going to be on your mind. Not to mention your daddy too...... Go for a walk, play some music, have a chat to your dad in a peaceful place, oh, have a virtual hug from me.

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  • F
    Beginner June 2010
    Future Mrs D ·
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    Mel,

    This is so sad and i feel for you at this time Smiley sad You were lucky you had him there, there are alot of people who dont get to have thier parents there. Always remember he will be watching over you and be so proud of how far youve come.

    P.S Im running race for life next year for sure x

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  • FIONATS73
    Beginner August 2009
    FIONATS73 ·
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    Hi Mel,

    Did not want to read and run, but remember your wedding so well, last year. As I think it was the 1st I read a report on and saw the pictures of. Just after I joined, your dad will know everything which is happening and will be so proud of you ?

    Have a ? from me xx

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  • Melancholie
    Beginner December 2014
    Melancholie ·
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    Thanks ladies. I just feel really silly for being sad when I ought to be happy that it all worked out for the best. Probably doesn't help that I'm stuck in the house on my own and haven't got anything to take my mind off it. You've made me feel a bit better.

    ?

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  • Weather Girl
    Beginner October 2009
    Weather Girl ·
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    Aww Mel. I'm afraid I don't really know your history but I'm guessing you moved your wedding forward so that your dad could be a part of your day? *Sens coming up* Originally we wanted to get married next year but my dad had been diagnosed with terminal cancer and so we decided to get married this year instead in the hope that he would make it to our wedding. Unfortunately he passed away in May. I can completely see where you're coming from though - sometimes I wonder whether we should have just waited until next year but then we weren't to know exactly how things would pan out, I can't help but think that because our wedding is so soon after we're just adding to the grief. I'm just so glad he got to come with me when I picked my dress.

    Anyhow, I just wanted to say that you shouldn't be feeling silly and that I'm thinking of you x

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  • Melancholie
    Beginner December 2014
    Melancholie ·
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    View quoted message

    You guessed right. Dad was diagnosed with cancer two months before we got engaged. He knew that it was terminal but hadn't told us that. He had a tumour on his kidney and the kidney was removed in Nov 2007. H proposed 22nd Dec 2007. We'd provisionally booked a venue for this Saturday but Dad had a meeting with a consultant on January 8th 2008 where they said they'd found secondary cells in his lungs and if he wanted to be at the wedding, we had to bring it forward. When he rang and told me they'd said that, he actually said, "So it's up to you what you want to do." As if we were ever going to make any other choice! We got married 2nd Aug and Dad died on the 13th (my sister's birthday).

    I'm so sorry you've had to go through something so similar. I do feel incredibly lucky that Dad made it to my wedding - we weren't sure even the day before that he'd be strong enough. He was in a hospice by then. Everyone says he held on for the wedding then had no fight left.

    I definitely don't think you should feel like you're adding to the grief with your wedding. Of course you'll be thinking of him on the day and it will be sad for you, but I truly think that something like a wedding is actually exactly the sort of thing that a family needs after something tragic happens. I'm sure there'll be tears, but it will also be something for your family to celebrate and I think you need that when you've had a bereavement.

    x

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  • summer_sparkles
    Beginner August 2009
    summer_sparkles ·
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    I'm sorry you feel blue Mel. I have no advice, but wanted to give you a ?

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  • CountDuckula
    Beginner August 2009
    CountDuckula ·
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    I would think it's natural to feel this way. It's kind of a reminder of how things should have been if your dad hadn't been so ill. ?

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  • Laura_Lee
    Beginner
    Laura_Lee ·
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    Mel - I agree with CD, its natural to feel sad even though you have such happy memories of your wedding last year.

    We already felt very lucky to have been able to have all 4 parents, and my grandfather, at our wedding, but hearing your and December's stories just makes me realise exactly how fortunate we are. ?

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  • The Sock Chicken
    Beginner August 2010
    The Sock Chicken ·
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    I agree with CD, also with it coming up to a year since his passing, I should imagine it is going to be really hard for you right now. Along with the big changes you have in your life right now. ?

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  • Fozzy Bear
    Fozzy Bear ·
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    You've set me off crying now! OH lost his Mam 3 days before we were due to get married in June, so we have had to put our wedding back, and we get married on 3rd October. We weren't expecting that to happen, she was extremely fit as far as anyone knew, and we never got to say goodbye to her.

    She was looking forward to the wedding so much, and she will never be there.

    Have a hug from me, these anniversaries are always the hardest to bear. ?

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  • Snow Patroller
    Snow Patroller ·
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    Mel ... you've been thru' so many massive life changes in the past year or so - some wonderful, some absolutely devastating. Its no wonder its all catching up with you.

    And now you're in the transition stage of being in a new house / left behind a job/house/friends etc, its all change change change. And of course the anniversary of your beautiful dads passing is close, and with your original wedding date looming too its all just got a bit messed up in your head. If you're like me, not working leaves you waaaay too much time to think and dwell and you end up with things all messy and 'pah' and 'bugger'. I'm defo in a 'messy pah bugger' stage with life just now!

    I think its only natural tbh.

    Your wedding photos are the only wedding photos EVER that have made me cry. Not even my own managed to reduce me to tears! To have shifted things so your Dad could be with you and walk his girl down the aisle was so selfless of you and Mr Mel - that will eventually be the overiding memory in years to come - that he was there with you. But right now its all still very raw ... a year is nothing in the bigger scheme of things when it comes to losing your Papa.

    Take care, you know we are all here for you.

    Mrs SP xx

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  • moomin8804
    Beginner July 2009
    moomin8804 ·
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    Just wanted to give Mel and fozzy bear a hug ? I'm so sorry for your terrible losses ☹️

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  • nicky167
    Beginner September 2009
    nicky167 ·
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    I really can't offer any advice, but didn't want to R & R. So big ? to Mel & Fozzy.

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  • Melancholie
    Beginner December 2014
    Melancholie ·
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    I love this place. Thanks all of you for being so great.

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  • ooh la la
    Beginner August 2013
    ooh la la ·
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    Big hugs to all ?

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  • Fozzy Bear
    Fozzy Bear ·
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    Thank you too - I think they are my very first virtual hugs!

    x

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  • debs1701
    Beginner
    debs1701 ·
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    ? Sorry to hear your feeling down Mel but just remember, your dad got to see his beautiful daughter in her gorgeous wedding dress on the happiest day of her life, he would of been sooooooo proud ?

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  • Melancholie
    Beginner December 2014
    Melancholie ·
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    For Fozzy and December:

    Was just clearing out some old e-mails and came across one that a friend sent last year when Dad passed. It included a quotation that made me smile, so I thought I'd share it with you.

    When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
    Kahlil Gibran

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  • Snow Patroller
    Snow Patroller ·
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    Geesh - how very beautiful .... am loving that ... (nope, its no good, there just isn't a suitable icon....)

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  • D
    Beginner October 2010
    drifter ·
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    Mel

    I have o advice except to echo what others have said, you ahve had a year full of emotion (good and bad) and now practical aspects of your life are changing (house job etc) you are bound to reflect on all this and it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. To me having a blue day week whatever is perfectly normal and healthy. ( I don't know how you feel but I can empatise having been thorugh something similar)

    Sending you a big virtual hug

    x

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  • Cosmopolitan
    Beginner August 2010
    Cosmopolitan ·
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    Mel, like others have said your wedding photos were beautiful and truly some of the best I've ever seen. Go easy on yourself, you've had the worst time ?

    ? for Fozzy and December too.

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