Feeling deflated :(

Sorry she's behaving like this, can you think of any reason why she would.

I know it's probably not easy, but rather than upsetting yourself with your mum's lack of enthusiasm, why don't you embrace your FMIL's enthusiasm? Get her to go dress shopping with you, for example.

At the end of the day, it'll be your mum missing out on stuff, don't let that ruin it for you.

I'm having a similar experience. As Kristabubbles says, embrace your FMIL's interest. I know nothing I can say can take away your disappointment so I just hope that you have other people around to be excited for you (OH, BMs, friends).

I honestly can't think why she is being like this

I'm embracing FMIL enthusiasm which is quite easy to do as me and H2B are currently living with her before we move into our new home, and she's agreed to come shopping with me, however I then feel guilty that i'm embracing her too much-but then when I try to include my mum more I get this reaction. Like a vicous cycle to be honest.

I'm in a similar boat with my mum/MIL on the enthusiasm thing, although I kind of always suspected it would be this way, my mum is not girly girly at all whereas MIL loves it all, any kind of shopping, she's in! Add into that my mum is 3hrs away, MIL less than half an hour.

The way I have dealt with it, is to make sure whereever possible, I've offered an opportunity to my mum so that she can't later turn round and say she hasn't had the chance to be involved.

Could she be jealous? Or does she just not understand how important this is to you?

My Mum knows how important it is for her to be involved. Since my Dad died (they were divorced years and years ago) I've tried to make our relationship as close as possible. Especially with the wedding she knows how much I want her to be involved, and I just get nothing back from her.

I've spoken to her since writing this post and was having a general chit chat when I asked her about dress shopping and she's told me she isnt coming-she'd rather work rather than take a days annual leave. Feel so fed up and like there is no point in me trying to make the effort with her.

I agree with Nutella. As long as you keep offering your Mum the chance to do things with you then if she kicks up a fuss after the wedding saying she didn't get to do anything at least you can turn around and say you did offer!

I hope to make you laugh with this cautionary tale......I involved my mother in choosing a dress for my first wedding (early 90's) as I was desperate to have this mother/daughter moment. My mother is well known for her withering put me downs and general negativity but I persevered and we went shopping.......in my general tail wagging enthusiasm to make her happy I got married in a dark green baby cord, mutton sleeved, high necked number.........why oh why did I think it was a good idea ?

Anyhoo this time round I showed her a picture of the dress, whipped it away before any disparaging remark fell out her mouth (mutton dressed as lamb etc) and said that as she was getting older the wedding would be too much for her and therefore I would take her out for a meal after the wedding so she could 'share' the experience of the day through photos. I am older and wiser now and really really know that having her there would cause me great angst so I'm happy in myself with the compromise.and I'm sure she doesn't really care either way. I'm surrounding myself with people that I genuinely want there and who want to share the day for what it is.

I agree with Nutella make the offers to her so she can't later throw in your face that she wasn't afforded the opportunity, my mum and I don't get on and I was undecided if I was even going to invite her to our wedding as I didn't want her ruining my day, anyway I did invite her and she has said she doesn't want to come which I'm very happy about but at least I offered her the chance.

But just want to add having just got Christmas out the way I think we can all feel a bit meh and skint in January so maybe this is why she reacted the way she did.

I had to go wedding dress shopping for the first time with one of my BMs, then a further 3 times on my own before my Mum showed any interest. She still hasn't been with me, but after a teary Christmas, she is coming with me this Saturday to see a dress I'm almost sure is the one.

I'm not condoning emotional blackmail but being honest with her about how upsetting her lack of interest was has led to progress for me. So what I'm asking is does she know how you really feel?

NB this Christmas was a bit strange for me in a few ways so it wasn't just the wedding that caused the teariness but hey ho.

My mum was a bit meh about going dress shopping because she thought it was all a bit early to be doing it, but I managed to talk her into it when I was feeling miserable. Went to a wedding fair then onto a dress shop ?

Well I've just got off the phone with my mother.. having been skirting round talking details with her for ages I figured I'd better answer her questions about our service. After telling her how many readings, how many hymns, who's doing what etc she concluded with 'well for me it lacks a bit of *pause* substance, only 2 hymns' She also doesn't like jeruselum and definatley doesn't like that 1 of our 3 readings is not a bible one.

It hurts that she can''t just keep her mouth shut and be happy, but ultimatley I'm happy with our decisions, if she wants to wind herself up she can be my guest.