Feeling the need to de-materialise (long sorry)

I'm not there yet, but I know what you mean.

In fact, the happiest (or, most 'sorted') I've felt is when I took a room in Reading ten years ago - I left all my stuff in the flat I was sharing with my partner at the time and just took some clothes and a few books. I was amazed how simple my life felt suddenly.

People always comment on how much stuff M and I have, but I can't yet bring myself to part with any of it.

Its odd isnt it? Im just felling like I want to sell the entire contents of the house and sit on a beanbag! (ok not that drastic) Theres stuff that we just dont need, I think its a need / want thing. We have lots of stuff that was wanted but not needed, and now Ive realised its just stuff that doesnt add to our lives at all.

I'm firmly in the use it or lose it camp. I like having stuff, and care about everything I own deeply, but too much makes me feel claustrophobic. When OH and I first lived together, we had stuff everywhere! It was so frigging dusty! Now, we live a much more pared back life, although when I look at photos, our home can look a little sterile sometimes.

I think moving house is a good chance to re-asses what you really want to keep, and what you're hanging onto, especially if that moves involves a change of lifestyle or scenery. If you shed the stuff that's just gathering dust, you'll probably enjoy what you keep so much more.

Actually, I get quite a kick out of decluttering - probably to do with the fact I was brought up by a hoarder who never quite made the transition from a large family home to pokey terrace once she got divorced. The clutter! My eyes!

Just gone through exactly the same thing. We threw away bags and bags of stuff and a load of furniture when we moved out of our rented flat, and not just because we were putting stuff in storage! ? Some of the bits of furniture we got rid of will be replaced as they were chucked because they were knackered, others are gone so we can declutter. Our friends think we're daft as we were leaving a 2 bed flat and are (eventually) moving into a 4 bed house, but we don't want to be one of those couples whose possessions expand to fit the space they have!

I totally hear you. we've just got rid of loads of stuff as we moved house (charity/freecycle/bin as appropriate) and I do find it enormously liberating.

my mum is a hoarder and it's kind of coming to a head for her atm, I feel so sorry for her - she said she can 'feel' the weight of all the stuff they have stored in their attic and all over the house weighing her down, and I do think that's spot on.

I don't know whether it's a time of life thing, or just a point where you realise feeling free is more beneficial to you than keeping things. I threw out old diaries, letters, cards, old boyfriends tshirts etc which I know would fill some people with horror. MrF isn't nearly as brutal - he must have eight big crates ful of stuff that needs sorting out which have gone straight into the attic at the new house filled with 7" singles, old band tshirts, tons of computer related stuff etc. if it was me I'd chuck the lot, but obv it's his stuff so his call.

so I don't think you are crazy to get rid of stuff you don't need or want, and do think that this kind of thing can change how you operate day to day ie those who cling on to possessions from the past (like my mother) tend also to live a lot in the past (constant stories / sayings from our childood, inability to let us grow up etc). prob not a popular view on here but I would say getting rid would help one live more fully in the present.

Mel thats just it, we have filled the large house we have with stuff, its easy to do whan you have loads of space. We will be downsizing so need less stuff anyway and its a great opportunity to get rid.

Flissy, I dont want to be totally minimalist, but I deffo want less stuff. I too was brought up by a hoarder and do not want to go down that route. My thought is similar to yours if its not getting used, get rid of it. Less to dust and clean and polish = more time to do nice stuff!

Thats it! My mind is now telling me that memories attached to some of these things will still be in my head, I'll still have them even if the objects themselves are long gone. You hit the nail on the head when you said feeling free is more benficial and that your mum can 'feel the weight' of the things around her. Thats how Im feeling, its a weight that I know i can do something about and feel free.

Im not bonkers then!

More of a lurker than a poster these days but had to reply to this. I completely hear you - you're not mad at all! I too 'feel' overwhelmed by the sheer amount of STUFF in our house. I keep getting rid of it but somehow am not winning. I am determined, absolutely determined, to win this battle eventually. And it does feel like a war!

Its so liberating to throw stuff out. I don't know who said it (thickie, sorry) but I go by 'have nothing in your home that is not useful or that you know to be beautiful' or words to that effect. I try not to keep mementoes and souvenirs - pointless, you still have the memories, and if it was a trip/holiday/event there will also be photos. Things have to be very special to gain a place in the memory suitcase.

When I left home at 18 my mum announced my room would now be a guest room and I had three choices - take it, sell or charity shop it, bin it. I was allowed one suitcase stored in the loft with 'things' in that I wanted to keep. I've tried to keep to that - but when you have a whole house full of belongings, its a bit different!

Husband on the other hand is incapable of throwing things away. His mother is worse. I do believe she will never sell her home/move because the weight of stuff that needs sorting out is so oppressive as to mean it just never happens - they are all (husband, brother, their mother) unable to make even a small dent in it, so its become a convenient means for her to stay rooted and not move on. In all sorts of ways.

There is a 'study' in my house which is really Mr L's playroom - full of computers, techie bits, comics, etc etc. I physically cannot stand to be in it; it makes me so agitated. I want him to sort it out so badly - quite apart from anything else, I live in a 2 bed house and he lives in a 3 bed, and thats' not fair!

sorry, this turned into a rant, but boy do I hear you! Am doing a boot fair this weekend - a small drop in the ocean perhaps, but all to the good in the end.

Totally agree, we are also in the midst of trying to get rid of "stuff". It's bloody hard though!

Thinking a bit more about the whole thing, its amazing how we acquire stuff, and feel the need for it at the time, then a few years down the line decide that we didnt really need it in the first place!

The other thing that got me thinking is, if Mr WT and I died tomorrow who would benefit from our stuff? No one, we have no children and both have very small families so theres no one that would benefit from inheriting it all.

My new mantra is 'Dont use it, dont keep it, if its pretty and it makes me smile, keep it' lol

William Morris wasn't it lizbeth?

If any of you know what the catalyst for getting someone to think this way, please please please can they let me know! Some of you may remember the battles I have with Mr G - anyone remember me trying to find out how to dispose of 27 green screen monitors in the loft 'liberated' from a Yellow Pages skip 12 years ago? ? Along with a bundle of 7 foot metal girder offcuts, bits of carpet, computer stuff galore, tons of magazines, CDs, DVDs, videos, books (different versions of the *same* book in several cases), toiletries, tshirts (literally hundreds), tins of pilchards..... Some of these things we've managed to sort out / get rid of, but some of them remain and he gets *very* upset if I broach the subject of maybe going through a few piles to see if anything can be let go of. Argggggggggh! I'm far from a minimalist myself but I know when enough is enough...!

We went to see a friend's house the other day - they live in the gatehouse of a National Trust property (how cool is that!) and it just has 3 rooms, and is gloriously gorgeous and minimalist. They said the only way they managed it is because they'd been travelling and literally got rid of all their clutter before they left, and saw no good reason to regain it all when they came back. Shame I can't get the travelling bug...!

Pilchards ? Poor Flump.

I've never been a hoarder but my ex was - he wanted to collect every single programme since 19-whenever that his football team had played... there was this huge ***-off box of the things that he'd bought from fleabay uner the bed and he never even looked at them. It drove me mad - in the end I'd just bin the parcels when they came in the post <badwifeicon> and he never even noticed.

Flump I think my catalyst is a culmination of a few things really.

Firstly its the moving house thing, I don't want to pay someone to move stuff I no longer use or need, so it has to go.

Secondly I think I've got to a part of my life where I realise my memories will stay with me even if the actually physical stuff isn't there.

Thirdly, I also realise that if it isn't used then I obviously don't need it, someone else might though so I won't bin it, I'd rather give it away.

Finally I want more time to do nice things, rather than clean and polish and dust, the less stuff I have the more me time I get.

Post them to Sheffield, if you still have them? <greedy cow icon> I think my mum and Mr G share the same genes... do I have a long-lost brother?

Does anyone remember that Life Laundry programme? Sorry to be brutal, but some of the folk on that were slightly barking in their love of 'stuff' - the thought of being like that is enough to make me reach for a binbag!

Even though I don't do nick-nacks or the like, I'm decluttering a fair bit at the moment so reading what F-i-S says was very interesting.

The other reason may be that I'm just finding things to sell on e-bay so I can fund some more theatre ticket purchases! lol

I refuse to put 'stuff' in the loft as I know it'll never see the light of day again. The only things up there are some archive paperwork and empty boxes from things like TVs, stereos etc, which I keep until the guarantee runs out in case I should need to return them. And the cat travel baskets.

I do need to go through the understairs cupboard though, and sort through some books. And kitchen equipment.....anyone want a juicer, last used c. 2005?

I remember Life Laundry, I was always amazed at what people hoarded. Im not that sentimental and Ive certainly not got a fraction of the amount of stuff they had! It does make you think though just how many people out there are holding onto things for the thoughts they provoke, when those thoughts and memories are in their heads anyway.

I have the same feeling. We packed up our house for storage when we went to aArica and there was tons of things for charity/freecycle/recyc and the skip. Now we are moving back in to the old rental tomorrow and I am thinking it won't look any less cluttered at all. We managed on much less for a year and a half, and while I missed things like my books, it isn't really necessary. Hoping to declutter again as I unpack.

I have sites like this one www.unclutterer.com to motivate me.

I am also staring to rethink keeping sentimental stuff -may look into online storage fo digital photos, especially my grandfather's collection and pay to get them all scanned in - can make a mypublisher book that is much smaller

At least they could be worth something. My Dad was a hoarder and there is still so much junk around the house. Last year I threw out six huge boxes of stuff from the company he retired from in 2004. They were all print outs from the '80s. He'd kept them all in the garage; no apparent reason. I then found out that the box of over 100 football programmes he had from the '60s he'd chucked in the recycling a couple of months before he got really ill. Some of those would have been worth hundreds of pounds. At least he didn't throw away his World Cup Final Programme from '66. I have that.

WT - I like what you're saying about the realisation that you will still have the memories without the actual possessions. Might mention that to him so he can take that to his 'sessions' (bless)

Sophie, I would loooove to throw things away without him looking like you did, but I would never get away with it. He notices if I've done a wash with an odd sock, and spends an hour hunting for the other one ? I once put an aftershave sample in the charity bag as he had 4 of them and I was on a downsizing mission - he noticed a day later and I had to pretend to find it in the other bathroom - waaaah! ?

Am going to look at that link you posted Badkitti, thanks!

God I loved Life Laundry - although it used to make Mr G get really upset and cry ?

Flump it sounds like he really has issues there..... my BiL is just like that and he has Aspergers which due to his condition I can understand, but Mr Flump needs sorting out! Send him over to me lol

I so want to do this. The amount of stuff we have really makes me feel quite sick and overwhelmed (using those words in a mild sense). The only comparison I can think of- and I hope it isn't insensitive- is bulimia: I want to purge myself of everything but also have an overwhelming urge to get more and more, leading to ridiculous afternoons spent throwing away everything in the fridge then replacing it with £200 shopping, or big clear outs of my wardrobe following by shopping sprees. It's bloody dysfunctional, really- I spend a fortune on things but I hate them, even before they're out of the bag. Not because they're not nice, just because they're more stuff.

God, can you imagine what a starving African would make of me? Or even a non-screwy Brit? I dream of space and emptiness and lightness and yet fill my house with things things things. Just mad. And when I think of the money I've spent...sob....I have a suspicion that subconsciously I see acquiring things as creating security (vaguely like a hunter-gatherer for whom more supplies hunted/gathered meant more chance of survival) but of course spending too much money on things you don't actually need decreases your security- it's money in the bank that counts, not the fact that I've managed to "gather" hundreds of pounds of shopping at Waitrose.

In the psychiatrist's chair with Knownowt.....

Eeeeeenteresting - one of his friends has suggested before that he might have a touch of Aspergers. Will look into that a bit more to see how else it manifests and how it can be managed... ?

Knownowt, thats exactly how I used to be so dont be too hard on yourself, Im sure there are others that feel the same way too. i totally see where youre coming from.

The main thing is you realise its a problem, which like any other problems is a huge start on the way to 'recovery'!

Ive made a complete turnaround from being just like you described to thinking, Id rather have the money in the bank for other nice things like holidays etc or for further security than have 'stuff' around me that serves no purpose.

Its a classic Aspergers thing I think. My BiL is may age (36) and hoards, he 'collects' things his main things being books and music or music related things. He will not get rid of anything, and he attaches value to it all in some way or another. Might be worth checking out at least.

Funny you should post this as I'm starting to feel a bit this way. I've had two triggers I guess - one was moving from a house with a garage and a loft to one which has neither. I thought we'd been fairly brutal with getting rid of "things" but actually, I can see now that there's just stuff EVERYWHERE in our house. Because it's a rental and we're not staying there more than another year, I've not really worried about finding homes for things, but I went next door the other evening and God, their house looks twice as big as ours, literally. Just by virtue of it being tidy!

I've come to the realisation that OH and I will never be tidy people but if we worked on the levels of stuff there is to keep tidy, it would be far easier. It's a hard process getting rid of it though.

(I spend hours the other weekend shredding FOUR YEARS WORTH of unopened bank statements the other day, I mean come on! ?)

My ex was a bit Aspergers-ish too actually...

When you look back and think its amazing what becomes obvious but at the time its not. I liked your way of 'decluttering' stright into the bin!

Argh, reading this thread just makes me realise how badly I need to have a sort out and just get rid of some stuff. In fact, if anyone is up for the challenge can you please convince me to get rid of my bead collection? Pretty please?

Reasons to get rid:

1) It's in two boxes which are just piled up in the spare bedroom and annoy me every time I see them.
2) Much as I love beading I just DON'T HAVE TIME!!!
3) I'd probably manage to make a bit of money on eBay selling it as I have lots of Swarovski crystals (but they're so beautiful *sob*).

I am terrible, I really am. I get them out occasionally after deciding that this time I definitely will either get rid or make something with them. Do I ever do it? No. I just gaze at how pretty and sparkly they are then put them back in the box. I'm like a bloody magpie.

I get what you say about doing the decluttering and thinking youve done well, then looking around and seeing you still have loads of stuff. I agree the less there is to keep tidy the easy it is and bigger the place looks. Now i know our place isnt untidy or over cluttered but I know I can be way more brutal with stuff, it is really liberating and I do get a warm fuzzy feeling if I give things to people that need them more than I do.

Svensk, Im like that with craft stuff..... I have a room dedicated to it, and was just like you said, a magpie, I couldnt resist I had to have it. Anyhow I used to buy loads of craft stuff in the US when we were on hols as theres so much of it, its a bit different and cheap too. I hardly bought a thing when we were there last Christmas and I think that was my turning point.

I love crafting, I cant dedicate as much time as Id like to it but its my 'safe haven' when I need it, but I dont need anymore stuff. Im now content with what I have and know I can make lots of different things with whats there without adding to it. Its also saved me a lot of money.

maybe Im becoming a tightwad in me old age! lol

Yes and no - memories are in your head but memories fade and can be lost. Touching and smelling and listening and looking at objects can provoke memories and enrich the recall process.

Obviously that's not behind all hoarding but I wonder if some people who hoard have poorer ability to recall memories without prompts than other people?

You don't need a room full of objects to provoke memories though - you can take pictures of items or take snips of fabric or whatever to keep things without having a room full of crap.

I am surrounded by stuff that we seem unable to control or rid ourselves of - should do more. My old Alexander Technique teacher does clutter clearing sessions to help people and has written a book. http://maartjedewolff.com/life_coaching_clearing_clutter.htm

I need to re-read it!

You have a very valid point there Zeb. I wonder if you have a lead there on the hoarders may have a poorer ability to recall memories. Taking pix of things is also a very good way of keeping the provocation of the memory without having boxes of stuff hanging around that are of no real use. Scrapbooks are a great way to preserve stuff like that I think so you can see and feel and touch stuff and have a written record of what the memory is.

Hmm.... its thought provoking stuff!