Fiancé won’t let my son be a junior groomsman

This is possibly not my place to say anything but alarm bells are ringing with me about how controlling your fiance seems to be and not only that, the absolute refusal to include your son suggests he doesn't see him as part of his family. If it were me, I would be thinking carefully about a future with a man who completely disregarded my children.

If it turns out, I have not read this in the correct tone and you are looking for a role for your son, could he give you away, along with/instead of your original choice?

I'm the same as above, alarm bells definitely ringing! Why on earth can he not be an usher or page boy? He's definitely being very unreasonable and cruel here and I would definitely be questioning things. There is also no reason why your MOH should not do a speech, this isn't the 16th century anymore. You do need to allow him some decisions and control over some aspects, but for things that are important to you like your son and MOH you should stand your ground. If he won't compromise, then I'd be having second thoughts.

I have to say I completely agree with RomanticGreenConfetti in that it rings alarm bells to me about your H2Bs attitude toward your son and lack of compassion towards you and the way you feel. I would naturally assume that children of bride & groom were included in the wedding as you have done with his daughter. His exclusion of your son would make me concerned for the future of their relationship and ultimately your marriage. Sorry if this seems negative and he usually includes your son in everything and this is an exception. RomanticGreenConfetti's suggestion of your son giving you away is a good compromise- if the aisle is wide enough he could walk one side and your father (or whomever you had planned on giving you away) on the other.

With regards to the speech why do you have to stick with tradition? Nowadays anyone can make a speech some people have none. Is the whole of your wedding being very traditional?

Good luck with everything.

I agree with the above commenters that it is very concerning that your future husband doesn't feel it necessary to include your son in a day that is about bringing two families together.

I like the idea of your son giving you away. I know he's only 10 but maybe he could do a short reading at the ceremony (something you could choose between the 3 of you to build your son's and hubby's relationship) or he could be an usher and direct people to seats etc.

If this is how your fiancé is behaving before you are even married to him then think how much worse he will be once you are married.

That is so awful the way your son is being pushed out, your fiance is cruel and unreasonable. I would stop his daughter from being bridesmaid if I was you, and I know that is just petty. I agree with the idea that your FH does not see your son as part of the family and that is just not on.

If he's wanting tradition then technically his daughter should be a flower girl or BM age dependent and your son the ring bearer. I'm pretty sure that in your situation I'd have hit the roof entirely!

From a blokes perspective this can be a very stressful time but as above this doesn’t sit right. Realise it’s stressful for the ladies too!

its a partnership and both of you are choosing to do this.

Hopefully there can be a calm discussion keeping things in perspective.

Everyone copes with stress differently and it’s about understanding each other’s pressures.

However, saying all that at the end of the day there needs to be acceptance that your son is part of both of your lives and cannot be excluded or targeted.

Hope you can get it sorted amicably.

Why won't he let your son be a part of it? Why does he have such strong feelings on the matter? It seems like it would be a small concession for him but it would mean a lot to you and your son (well, I say concession... a lot of people would just take it for granted that all of the bride and groom's children would have a role somehow..) so is there really such a pressing reason why he can't possibly be involved? It does seem very mean-spirited, and like he's not accepting your son as his new step-son. I don't want to say too much as I don't fully know the situation but, like others have said, I'd have a serious think about whether you want to start your married life with that sort of meanness going on, if he really won't budge.

As for the MOH speech you can have whoever you want give a speech. I don't know exactly when the traditions on wedding speeches date from, but a lot of these things aren't as ancient as we imagine and many of them started off as habits that lots of people copied over the years. They're not exactly sacred rituals. Loads of people change the speeches around a bit, depending on what's right for them. Have your MOH give a speech if that's what you want.

I can understand this in one way... he might be thinking he doesn't want a 10 year old there during the morning when he's hanging out with his mates.

But the rest just doesn't sound right. I agree with the others that his attitude towards you as a family seems poor.

I'm a wedding photographer and it's normal for the couples children to have roles. Maybe not as a groomsman but as a ring bearer or page boy. The usual thing would be for your son to be ring bearer and pass the rings to the best man when he enters the ceremony room.