Fiances Family

I don't think you need to have the niece as well. I would politely explain that due to budget restrictions, you are unable to have any more bridesmaids.

How rude!! When his sister got married it's natural for her to choose her OWN sisters, choosing your future husband's sister/s as BMs is lovely but certainly not a 'given' in my opinion.

If this niece was quite young then I'd say don't leave her out, but as she's 18 and capable of improving your relationship (but clearly chooses not to, she could make more of an effort with you but doesn't) then don't have her.

I'm not sure how much sway his family have upon the wedding (financially speaking) but personally I wouldn't explain myself and would just say no. That's because we're paying for our own wedding and have made the decision to not explain ourselves for things that are not integral to the kind of day we are planning, i.e. wedding party (all guests are equal in our eyes).

Hope this helps in some way.

Awww things like this are always tricky - I guess it kinda depends on what his family are like, if they're likely to hold a grudge etc ,which option is likely to stress you out the most in the long run (and if they're prepared to pay for his bridesmaids - I've got 5 and 2 littlies and there's no doubting they're expensive!)

I'm lucky that OH agreed when I said I didn't think his sister and 2 SILs shouldn't be bridesmaids but I found his support reassuring. Have you spoken to your OH about it? He might agree with you and be prepared to talk to his family about it. You've already compromised once - IMO it's their turn to do the same. But then I don't have to live with the consequences.

Good luck

Thanks for the replies,

My mum and dad are paying for my dress, the bridesmaids and flowergirls dresses, the cars and the flowers. His mum hasn't said if she's giving anything towards it so we are paying everything else. I'm also really annoyed as they actually haven't said this to me they have said it to my best friend at a wedding both she and his older sister were at (my best friend had only met his sister once in a shop with me and couldn't believe she said it to her) and (now this one is complicated) his sister said about how awful I was having all my sisters and leaving the niece out, to my friends sister in law who his sister works with but they are in no way close. My fiance said to his mum about this and she said 'oh your sister just said that to see if it would get back to Kate'....like they must think I am stupid if I believe that.

Oh you poor thing, that is awful. I think you should stick by your guns and say no. Like someone else said, maybe use the budget restriction as an excuse...I know honesty is the best policy usually, but even though you're perfectly justified in not wanting her simply because you didn't choose her, it's probably not best to say that.

It is very imposing that they have expected you to have your H2B's sister, as I think choosing bridesmaids is very personal. Even if you get on with her well, it is ultimately still your choice, and probably another £200 onto your budget at the very least (what with dress, shoes, accessories).

You have incorporated a whole host of his family into the bridal party as it is...as far as I am concerned, that list is endless and the line has to be drawn somewhere. Stay strong.

How is having YOUR sisters leaving HIS niece out?! She doesn't fall in the same category at all. "Having all his nieces except Niece X" leaves her out, your sisters are completely different. ?

Some people are just strange! As you've only heard it through hearsay really, I'd just ignore it and if they do have the cheek to ask, just laugh like it's a ridiculous suggestion.

He doesn't say much lol he agrees with me 6 bridemaids are too much but he has said that he can see what his sister means as all my sisters are included. What really frustrates me is that when she got married she had her little sister and two brothers on her wedding and her two best friends were her bridesmaids but she didn't have any of her husbands family on her wedding.

I personally wouldn't have even had his younger sister. I want people with me that I feel comfortable around and I know will help me on the day. I think you should just explain the situation and why you really can't have the niece as well. Sounds like they just love to stick their noses in, be firm but polite, if that fails, just be firm!

As snow-woman says, we don't have to live with the consequences, but if they are not paying for bridesmaids then I think you would be justified saying that you cannot afford any more. HTH x

Thanks for all the replies, I thought I was mad in my thinking that I wasn't being unreasonable and just needed that extra reassurance.

When it came to the sister being a bridesmaid when I say the mum went mad she actually screamed infront of me and my fiance, 'Well shes not having all her f****** sisters and think shes going to leave Becky f****** out. F*** that Becky is a bridesmaid too or you's can go f***. ' While I sat there like this ? but I really want to stick to my guns on this one.

What's quite shocking is that you've heard it all second hand. I've made a rule that if someone doesn't have the grace to communicate with me or HTB directly about issues then the issue will not be looked at. Time is precious and I don't like wasting it on people who are not respectful to me as I would be with them.

I'm so sorry to read your last post - you are not unreasonable, it seems perhaps someone else is. Keep close to your OH and try not to let it bog you down x

I refuse to let it come between me and OH as I really think that's what they want. There was also a suggestion about them all flying out and spending a week of our honeymoon with us. lol You couldn't make it up. See I think they are going to wait until next year and then pull the 'oh you're leaving Jayne out' to my face, when I am actually bringing the sister to bridesmaids fittings. Even if his mum does offer to pay for something I don't want to accept it because I know they will be even worse.

This! They are YOUR "maids", people that you should be able to trust and love. They have a job which is to look after you and support you. How is someone that's practically a stranger going to do that?

I would ask your OH to tell his mum that due to finances and other reasons we cannot accommodate having another bridesmaid. if you dont put your foot down it will keep escalating nd you will end up with everyone invovled in the wedding party.

Wow, the MIL seems a bit crazy! It has nothing to do with her who you choose and even if she was contributing towards the wedding it still doesnt give her permission to dictate who you have as bridesmaid.

My MIL told me not to have one of my friends as bridesmaid as she would look really big next to me in pictures as my other biridesmaid and I are both slim ?

I did have to laugh about joining you on honeymoon! You poor thing. Tell them youre going somewhere different. Seriously, sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people.

Hi Kate

Was just thinking about this. I think it's very rude for people to be expected to be asked to do anything. I can see how, if she was a child neice and not an 18 year old it could seem rude to ask two other children but not her, however, I doubt she's probably that bothered.

If you do want to save on arguments could you not ask her to do another job. This is only a suggestion but perhaps a reading/help with the favours/something? If not that's fine but I was just thinking it might get Family IL's off your back.

At the end of the day it's your wedding and you should have who you want but sometimes there are ways around bad feeling.

Seriously??? You better put your foot down with that one now, no way do you want family on your honeymoon! If I were you I'd keep your honeymoon a secret. Oh and who you choose for your bridal party is up to you. I would have had sisters and stopped there. There's nothing to say you need to have your h2b's family too.

Definately this, tell your OH to say you're paying for the honeymoon as a wedding present and it's a surprise or that you haven't decided and you might book it a few weeks after the wedding once you've sorted everything out. If you've already told them what your doing...CHANGE IT!

OMFG! That takes the biscuit! I went to school with a girl whose parents went with her on her honeymoon! Can you IMAGINE?!

OMG after the way they've behaved you owe them nothing and I would soooo tell them where to stick it! And like others have said would keep the honeymoon secret!

I agree with everone else that it should be your decision who to have as your BM's but I also understand how you can be made to feel "guilty" for not asking someone others thnk you should. I am having my daughter(21), niece(16) and H2B's granddaughter (4) but got quite a bit of aggro from his ex-wife becuase I didn't ask his step daughter(17) (ie HER daughter)!! It was hard and upsetting but I stuck to my guns.

I think it is understandable that with 4 sisters of your own they are who you would choose to be your BM's on your wedding day. You have already been more than accommodating by agreeing to add his sister. Don't give in to any more.

Ha ha- this made me laugh- the honeymoon suggestion is something I can imagine my FMIL doing! You definitely have been more than reasonable and I wouldn't have even had his sister as a bm. Honestly, sounds like she needs to remember whose wedding it is!

Boooo i've had the same thing at mine got my sis and best mate and then fmil has gone ape when i didn't have his 2 sisters - 22 and 25??

errrgh it was just easier than her starting the whole 'i'm not coming' or the next 40 years of pain - my mum however is FURIOUS lol she will NOT be letting that slip.

Prob is it has caused loads of issues and that was before we even booked a venue or anything so to be honest cos of it none of them have had anything to do with the wedding - it's in 6 weeks and his mum text me the other day to find out what colour her corsage was - ha ha she doesn't even know what flowers we are having - how ridiculous!

just so you all know - they are the ones in the pic ha ha ha ha

You'll have half the guests walking down the aisle with you at this rate! You definitely need to set them straight, as others have said, the budget is probably the easiest way to explain it

No. tell her to stick it.