Finally made my mum happy (a bit of rant/offloading)

I sympathise. My dad was a blinking nightmare through most of the planning. He has no idea what the word 'tact' means and frequently dismissed my ideas or insisted on things being a certain way. If I'd known he'd be that way I would never have accepted his money!!

It worked out okay in the end and on the day he was actually quite helpful.

I'd suggest maybe trying to pick your battles... pretend that you are really particular about something (which you don't actually care about) and make a big show of 'giving in' to your mum so you can use the brownie points to get something you do really want. Sneaky and deceitful, but it's your wedding.

I think that sometimes the MOB forgets it her daughter's day, not hers.

But from her perspective she may have been planning and saving for your wedding for a lot of years, and is just as excited as you. My mum and dad set up a 10-year savings plan when I was 15 to pay for my wedding, so they were thinking about it before I had even left school. And it is a big day for her too, especially if you're her only child/daughter, and she wants it to be perfect too.

I have been impressed with my mum this time. For my first wedding I was completely clueless (this was 15 years ago before the internet made it all too easy) and she basically had a say in almost everything. This time she is much more laid back, but I have given her certain tasks to keep her busy - she's doing the bouquets.

I think most MOB get a bit OTT.

My own parents are contributing quite a lot to our day and I know without them we would not be able to get married as quickly or with everything we want and I really do appreciate it! I am their only daughter although they do have 2 sons so its my mams only chance to get this involved really. But she does think because they are contributing she gets the final decision - its more about the food and guests than anything else if I am honest.

My mam trusts my tastes and what I want but when it comes to ivitations she keeps wanting these really girly flashy fancy things I just want plain simple and elegant I have seen what I want but she still keeps going on so as its not till next year I have just stopped speaking about it.

With food she is trying to dictate the main meal and desert and it ended in a massive row as I didnt want a bloody roast dinner! We have sort of reached a compromise but she has now moved onto another beef dish she wants lol and keeps saying oh this will be nice - i have said we will go for tasting and see what we prefer. She is also trying to dictate the veggie meal but as my friend is only veggie ive told my mam that my friend can pick as she is one who will be eating it.

The only other issue ive had is my bm is bringing her boyfriend (they live in wales wedding is in northumberland) and my mam went nuts i dont know him and i wanted my uncle there I said i dont bloody know your uncle and ive never met him! She went on ridiculous screaming and shouting at me because apparently this ruined all her plans for the night before the wedding - Both males and females will be at hotel night before so dunno what she is on about! She has since apologised.

I have given her little duties but she keeps saying she is too busy to do them and just seems to want to disagree with me over options I chose haha!

Anyways sorry for rambling I think they forget sometimes its their daughters day not theirs! This couldnt be truer of my mother who said I know its your day but its mine to! erm no mam you had yours 31 years ago when you married my dad! My dad is on my side so keeps getting wrong off her!

AJ,

Reading that I was thinking "long armed stapler" the whole way through! I hope you can finally laugh about it!

Nicadele, are we secret twins who've never met? Your mum sounds just like mine! The caterers are doing her a steak because she doesn't like lamb!!! She's having her cousin that neither OH or I have ever met but she complained that our dearest friends are coming. And to top it off my total outfit will come in at about £1800 (dress, shoes, accessories - all gorgeous and just what i want) hers is costing £1500! We almost fell out when i said she couldn't wear a cream outfit... I'm getting a cravat made up to match the BMs for my H2B but she told me to think about getting one made for my dad too "as he's such a big part of the day". If i do that shouldn't i get one for the Best Man too and then isn't it less special?

Unfortunately the stall was set out when she got married as their vicar told them the honeymoon was about them but the wedding is about everyone else. I know I'm being a tad bridezilla-ey about it and I do recognise how special a day it is for her and that's why I really want us to get on and enjoy it.

I can see me having these types of problems with my mum too. My parents are going to be paying for pretty much everything and I'm so grateful to them for that, but trying to balance what my mum wants with what my partner and I want is going to be so difficult when they are paying.

The other day I told my mum that my partner and I had started to do a guest list and we thought it was going to be approximately 94 people for the day. She looked at me in complete surprise and said 'you've done a guest list? How can you have done the guest list, you haven't seen my list yet'. She had already done what she thought was the guest list without consulting me and without knowing all of mine and my partners friends! So we went through the two lists and it turned out not to be too bad, as I'd already considered family, godparents and some of my parents friends, so we'd got pretty much the same list, just a few people she seems to think should be there that I am not bothered about, eg my godmother who I haven't seen or had any contact with since I was 4 (I'm now 30), who lives 150 miles away, and who wouldnt recognise me if I walked past her in the street. Oh and she suggested two of my friends should be evening only when I had put them down for the full day which I wasnt having any of.

Oh my goodness that effin' long-armed stapler! Yeah I laugh about it now. He made up for being a nightmare by doing a pretty good FotB speech. He cried in the middle and everything! Softie.

Abbijay it sounds like it my mam is exactly the same her outfit is costing about £1300 as she just had to have it! Thats everything included but im sure her dress alone was more than mine ha ha! Not that I care as I love the dress I want and im getting a discount on it!

Ha ha mothers eh!

My Mum had been behaving herself until Sunday, when a phonecall at 9 at night said about food for the evening guests. 'We'll pay for it.'

We got the price list out and knew between ourselves that it was ridiculous prices for a not so hot selection. We've asked the caterers about crisps/ cheese straws and got told to ask the Wedding co-ordinator. We asked her and she said ask the chef. We're now awaiting a reply.

BTW mum's face was a picture when I passed her the evening buffet lists.

My Mum had been behaving herself until Sunday, when a phonecall at 9 at night said about food for the evening guests. 'We'll pay for it.'

We got the price list out and knew between ourselves that it was ridiculous prices for a not so hot selection. We've asked the caterers about crisps/ cheese straws and got told to ask the Wedding co-ordinator. We asked her and she said ask the chef. We're now awaiting a reply.

BTW mum's face was a picture when I passed her the evening buffet lists.