First dance, yay or nay?

We planned to have our first dance outside in the snow and the dark. We only had two guests so them and the photographer wasn't really an issue. Away or not I would have liked the photo. Due to various things going wrong it never happened however on our last night my now husband pulled his phone out and he had our first dance song on it. Frozen in time. Appropriate for Lapland! He started it playing and slow danced with me in the dark on the frozen lake. It was so lovely and unexpected. Not to mention how romantic it was.

There is no reason why if you're not comfortable you have to do it in front of an audience. Why not slope off outside and do it on your own in the dark. Just remember to take your photographer! It makes it such a lovely memory too.

We ditched the idea of a first dance. It was a tad different for us as we got married abroad but we're not having one at the UK party either. My hubby doesn't like dancing and I personally am not a fan of being stared at whilst moving in a slow circle haha. It's completely personal and it depends on how comfortable you feel. If you don't then I would skip one

You don't have to do the whole thing on your own. The dj can call everyone onto the dancefloor part way through the song. Or sometimes they call parents then the rest of the bridal party.

I photographed a wedding where first dance was the conga! Everyone joined in.

I agree that if you don't want one, don't have one. You don't have to stick to tradition and if you think you will both enjoy your day more then dump it! Although I haven't had my wedding day yet, I am thinking that we will need something to kickstart the party so perhaps think of a song which you know will get your guests up dancing and when it comes on you can head to the dancefloor and bring you family and friends up with you. You can even get song requests from your guests for this (on our RSVP we are asking everyone for a song that will guarentee to get them up and dancing.

Then you can arrange with your DJ at this point to give some encouraging words to your guests to dance or turn the music up slightly etc so try and emphasise the change in atmosphere without the pressure of a first dance (if that is what you want of course!)

Personally, my partner and I are both keen to go all out and are learning a fully choreographed routine but this is something we will love learning and performing. JayneE you did just give me the great idea of having an outside, private first dance together with just our photographer as this will give some lush pics in a slightly different light and also a chance to practice it just before we perform it, which I think will be much needed after the busy day!So thanks for that idea. Your unplanned first dance on the lake just sounds idyllic, I think I would melt with romance if my H2B did that with me (not that we will have any frozen lakes around!)

Just do a quick minute and get the DJ to invite everyone onto the dance floor. That's what a lot of couples do.

You can always take a few dance classes if you are uncomfortable. Also, there is a really cute song "I Don't Dance" by Lee Brice that he wrote for his wife on his wedding day. The gist of it is that "I don't dance but I must be really in love with you because here I am spinning you around on the dance floor in front of all these people", which could make the moment a little less awkward. Where I live we also have something called an anniversary or generations dance that might be an alternative. Usually it starts with everyone on the dance floor, and the DJ will ask everyone who's been married for "Less than two hours, less than 5 years" and so on to leave the dance floor until only one couple, the longest married, is left. It's a nice way to celebrate your grandparents' marriages and give them the spotlight. However, this can be a little sad for people whose spouses have passed away, so I've recently heard of couples doing it the opposite way, where they have the longest married sit down first and then it ends with just the bride and groom on the dance floor for about 30 seconds at the end. This could be a way to still have a short "first dance" moment, but the attention is not focused on you the entire time.

At a wedding in December the dj called the couple up for their first dance and within seconds he asked everyone to join in, it was quite nice as well.

anniversary or generations dance - I like that idea, might just have to pinch it as my other half is a terrible dancer and quite shy

We felt exactly the same, I was kind of dreading it! We had to choose a song too. It was absolutely fine and was lovely really. Also, made some nice wedding pics, lol!! BUT, as an old married, I would also say that this is your and your oh's special day, do what you feel and are comfortable with. If you don't fancy one, don't have one! Having said that, I think that there has always been a first dance at every wedding I've attended and I always expect there to be one and never want to miss it! What is a really good idea if you do decide to have one, is to definitely encourage guests to join you on the dance floor shortly after you begin.... Take the focus off you and you'll probably feel a lot more relaxed about it. Also, remember, you will have gone through the ceremony with all eyes on you (not to freak you out or anything, haha!) and spent many hours with your guests by then (although it really does fly by!) and possibly had a few tipples, so you may feel more relaxed by the evening.

OH isn't keen on the idea of a first dance, either. The closest thing we have to a song is Daft Punk - Get Lucky, so we'll use that to open the dancefloor. My BM is keen on getting the whole wedding party doing a flashmob for it, but I'm not convinced yet.

Hi everyone, thanks so much for the replies! They have definitely made me feel better about doing one!

I think I might get him to practice with me at home and then encourage the DJ to invite everyone else up fairly soon after we start..

Just to convince the OH now!!

Yep a 60 second "grab and sway" and then arrange for the dj to drastically up the tempo and call everyone else on.

Gotta say that is cool, I hope that you joined onto the back after taking a few shots.

Me and my OH both hate being the centre of attention so it's a bit nerve wracking but at the same time I want to do one as it is romantic and we already know "our song". I was planning on the shuffiing about a bit then invite others up but it recently occurred to me that as ours is a summer wedding and our venue has lots if Windows it's going to be daylight! That has got me worrying it's going to be really awkward! Although as someone else pointed out, hopefully we'll be a bit tipsy by then so it won't matter!

We didn't have a first dance. In 8 years we had never danced together, he hates dancing, so our wedding day didn't feel like the time to change that. However, I did have a dance with my Dad, at my Mum's request, and although it was nice I did feel a bit silly with everyone looking. Fortunately, others joined us on the dancefloor quite quickly and I handed my Dad over to my Mum shortly after and took Mum's partner (no recollection who it was though).

Hi Miss b,

I speak to quite a few couples who dread the first dance.... it's your day so don't feel you have to do one. But....

ask best man/bridesmaids/parents to join you...from the start!

We played for a couple last year that didn't want a slow first dance but did have an 'our song'. So.....

Their song was Mr Brightside which we had never played for a first dance before but it was awesome!!!

James

Hi there

As many have said I'd recommend some kind of first dance, even if it's just for 10 seconds before your DJ invites everyone else to join!

It'll help properly start the evening and dancing and get an instant full dance floor. otherwise it may take your DJ a while to 'warm up' the crowd before anyone dares to be the first to step on the dance floor!

Hope this help

James

Just think of it as a nice photo... you can instruct the dj/band to get the bridal party or family up after 30 seconds!

But also, if you really don't want to do it then don't Nowadays all weddings are different x

Our first dance was Hey Soul Sister by Train - not only is it 'our song' but it's also quite short! We didn't like the idea of a first dance either but asked the band to get all the guests to join us right from the beginning. We tipped a few people off to make sure that they did! It worked really well and was the first moment of the day to send me over the edge emotionally. It created such a nice intimate moment where we were literally surrounded by friends and family, but without all eyes on us.

We aren't planning to do one as we don't have "a song" either and we haven't been out dancing together for years. We aren't even doing the whole evening disco party either which my mother was aghast at. She said "but everyone expects a first dance" to which I said "it's our wedding and we don't want one". That was that!

Do what you want to do and what feels right. Maybe invite the wedding party up for the first dance to acknowledge all the special people in the wedding and then open the floor up to all the other guests?