flabbergasted...cannot comprehend this (ex wife related)

exactly

? Even if I was childless he would be straight out of my life..!!!

He'd be out the door without question. It'd be one thing if it was 'unproven' and I didn't believe he'd done it... although if I had kids, maybe, maybe not... might still be too risky.

But in this case it's for certain he did it. So he'd be out.

He would be out on his ear.

And if i were your OH I would be fighting for custody of children right about now.

If he is on the register PPU should be involved it they are not call them and ask what the f@ck is going on.

He would be gone too, if it was me.

But I know a lot of women who would probably stay, for numerous reasons. Fear of being alone, weakness, lack of control. Have you spoken to her? Not as the "ex-husband's mean new wife and step mum to her children" but as a concerned person?

Maybe she needs some help. I know how difficult it is to leave someone when you love them, and how easy it is to make excuses regardless of what the person has done.

You can also call the safe guarding team at your local council and ask them to get involved and find out what's going on and if needed remove the children from her care.

Out on his ass! No excuses. End of.

This!!

The social service have got involved and they are monitoring the situation and ring up OH often to give him updates. OH is shocked as he thought he was a nice bloke!

I would talk to her but she's not the sort of woman you can have a conversation with. She never listens to what anyone else says, she just waits for her chance to talk again....plus we don't have the best relationship....she is quite evil towards me

getting custody would be difficult, as we live 135 miles away it would mean tearing the kids away from their friends and school and SS has just started a new school which caters specifically for his special needs

You - and your H -must be really worried.

I'm certain I wouldn't stay with a man like that, but I've never been in that situation, and we all do strange things at times.....

I really hope that SocServs intervention will prove useful, both in protecting the children and reassuring you and your H.

He would be gone and if i was the father I would fight for the kids.

There are special schools and new friends all over the country, the childs safety is more important.

Exactly this!! I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing the kids were around someone capable of this.

She doesn't see him when the kids are around, coz she's been told she's not allowed to. and if after the evalutation he is deemed as being dangerous and she still insists on seeing him then of course we will fight for custody, no question.

just wanteto see if it was being biased towards the b*tch of an ex wife or if anyone else would feel the same as me

He would be gone he SHOULD NOT be around those children he does not deserve a second chance

Definitely shouldn't see him any more. Also if he's not allowed near her kids, what future does she see with him exactly?

How is it being regulated that she doesn't have him around when the kids are there? All it takes is one time when they are all in the same house. If she is dumb enough to be seeing him at all I would not trust her to keep the 2 seperate.

I'm going to be absolute devil's advocate here, but there might be some questions worth asking...

1. How old were the children in the images he downloaded? Looking at a 15 year old is different to looking at a 5 year old. If the latter, he'd be gone, no further questions necessary. If the former, I'd ask...

2. Did he know how old they were? Was their age "legal" at the origin of the pictures?

3. How old was he? (More relevant than "How long ago was it?", IMO)

4. Genuinely, how bad a place in his life was he?

I think, although wouldn't know for sure, that if he posed an immediate risk to your step-children, they would have been removed from her care? That leads me to think there are *some* mitigating factors here. Any info on what they might be?

1. young under legal age

2. yes

3. about 25, so 13yrs ago

4.to me that's irrelevant...no matter how bad your life is/was there is no excuse looking at child porn

we're not worried that much about him doing anything to the kids, because if he did they would tell...they have been asked by their mum, dad & social worker. If he poses any threat after the evaluation then if she continued to see hi m they would be taken out of her care

The original post was more of a...would you stay with a man like this..question!

Agree with this.

When PPU and safeguarding get on the case with an SO near kids they move bloody quick if there is an evaluation being done then the likelihood of him being high risk is limited.

My initial reaction will always be one of disgust but my professionally head tells me there are varying degrees of SO and some one the register really shouldn't be, and in the majority of cases SO's are monitored closely.

Playing devil's advocate, my OH had a bit of a messed up childhood and teenage years, did some bad things and drugs were involved. If it was me and found this out about him, I can't honestly say hand on heart I would definitely leave him. Maybe others will think I'm weak, but I know he's a COMPLETELY different person to who he was back then and I am fortunate enough to be able to say that I've never been through the things he's been through so I can't say how I would have reacted or what I would have been capable of. If I thought he posed ANY threat to children now or found out anything remotely like that was still going on then of course he would be out the door, but I think it is easy to judge people on the mistakes they've made in the past when they were in a very bad place, and maybe this is the softie liberal in me (!) but I do believe in second chances and I do believe people can change.

How long have they been together?

You mentioned that your SC has special needs. On what level?

ETA: Just seen that they've been together a year.

Hope you don't mind me butting in coz I haven't been on OT for a while. After reading your post i think Flabbergasted pretty much sums it up! what a horrible position this puts everyone in. He'd be gone no doubt! i don't know if people like that ever change and his excuses are weak (not that their are any excuses), i'd be petrified having him anywhere near children. it is scary to think she's been with him a year and you've only just found out. Even with being on the register and social services involvement, they can't keep an eye on him 24/7 its just too risky!

I'm sorry but under no circumstances could I stay with a man of such sick behaviour, I would be repulsed every time I looked at him! I know we have had threads on here asking would we forgive our partner if they cheated I've always sat on the fence and said I wouldn't know what I'd do but this! It's just disgusting!

The mother doesn't have the children's best interests at heart. If she did she would have more concern for them.

There are plenty of special needs schools all around the country, and friends are easy to find.

I would be beyond scared for my children's safety if i allowed them to stay with their mother if she keeps that opinion about her perverted, sick boyfriend.

Exactly this.