Flower girl dilemma v family

I have had a similar dilemma with my nieces but have remained firm on this one, despite all the tortured looks I've been getting.

The 'I want to be flowergirl/bridesmaid' pleas seem to be a new(ish) phenomena, similar to the nightmare which is a bridezilla!lol It used to be an honour to be asked not to feel that it's to right to ask.

The problem here is that if you give in on this, you may find that there are other areas where you start getting pressure too. Stick to your guns, explain that you will have a special job for her to do on the day (find something she could do, even if it's only handing out confetti/bubbles or taking charge of looking after something for you during the day) just so she feels important. You haven't given in, you've done it your way.

Could be a win-win all round. That's what i'm hoping anyway because that's the tack I've taken! hehehe My two nieces will be handing out the petal confetti and later will be responsible for handing out the ladies' seating cards, with our Junior Groomsman (H2B's youngest son) handing out the seating cards for the gents. They all seem happy with that plan - at the moment anyway!

Issue is she is not invited so I cannot give her a job. I have no issue with her being a flower girl but we said no kids because of there being so many. People are telling me to make an exception for her.

I think there for me if I was a guest there would be a difference between children as guests and a child as a flower girl. However the real question is do you want her to be a flower girl. if you do then that is your choice and not for your guests to be concerned with. However if you don't then stick to your guns

You say 99% of OH's cousins are over 16... so are there actually any other children apart from her?

If not, then maybe you could say that the rule is that adult cousins cannot come but as this one is too young to leave on her own, you are allowing her to come.

If there are other 'child' cousins then it's a much more difficult situation. I feel for you, it sounds like a very difficult situation to be in. Her dad should really have told her from the start what the situation is rather than pass the poor child along and raise her hopes.

I'd say no just because they were so cheeky as to go to your future in-laws after you said no. That's just me though - I can be incredibly stubborn! If you're happy for her to be a flowergirl and as long as it won't create a tidalwave of other children in the family wanting to be flower girls/bridesmaids/pageboys then go for it. If you don't want a flowergirl then stick to your guns. How does your OH feel about it all?

There are other children from my side but I hardly have any family so they are coming. Our baby nephew will be there from my partners side who is our page boy. No other children are coming and she is the youngest cousin! Such a hard decision.

OH has mixed feelings as well but is worried about others wanting to bring their kids.

See this is what his mum said. She also has sisters in their 20's!

Sorry to be blunt but tell them to bugger off. If you want a flowergirl then you would of asked her sooner.

This.

I think guests will be fine with a 'no children excluding the bridal party' rule, it's pretty much the norm these days with a 'no children' rule, it doesn't include the bridal party.

However, I'm dumbstruck by the presumption and the asking-until-we-get-a-yes attitude from them and would say no out of principle ?. If my daughter asked me if she could be bridesmaid at auntie/uncle/cousins wedding my reply would have been 'You'll have to wait and see if they ask you!'

Entirely down to you, if you really weren't planning for her to be in the bridal party then stand firm, if it's not toooo much of an issue as I said above, I really don't think your guests will have an issue with a child in the bridal party being there.

Yeah, I am cross about that!

Personally id say yes shes only a little girl and like you said you would have been the same when you were 8

Are there any other little girls in your families? If there is then couldn't this cause more of a problem. I would stick to my guns and say we had no plans for a flower girl plus we have a no children rule.

As a parent of the little girl I would explain it isn't polite to ask and you should wait to be asked, not going round asking everyone until you give in.

I have a strict no children rule apart from bridal party. V. large family who love to procreate. A lot of older friends who do the same. Brother has 2 stepkids too.

I am v.close to one of my aunties who has 9 yr old boy and 4 year old girl. Not close to one uncle who has 8 children, only 1 a girl.

So 1 page boy/ring bearer 2 flower girls. They have offered to pay for one of their sons to be pageboy as he asked. I said no.

I had to relent on my 12 week old nephew attending from family pressure and an uncle who's wife b'feeds until its not appropriate.

I don't not like children but want a stress free day. But I must say I love how the flower girls (both 4) say they are going to be princesses and are just as excited as me ?

If its not in your original plans and you have sent invites etc I would stick to my guns, but then again it would be cute too