FMIL present to us - am I being too harsh?!?!?!

She does sound like a nightmare, and it probably is a dig. But actually - you're not entitled to any presents from anyone, and anything you get is a bonus really. If you really hate it, accept it politely and with gratitude, and then take it back to the shop and exchange it/get a refund.

I'm sorry, but I did laugh a little at the fact she sent your parents an invitation from her! I've never heard of anyone do that!!

You do sound a little ungrateful about the coffee maker but I can see why you would be annoyed if it's the tip of the iceberg.

I would ask your OH to have a word with her and just kindly point out that she is being a bit of a douche.

Does it matter that she and your mum are wearing the same colour? In the grand scheme of things, I really don't think it's that important. Besides, on the day, you'll just have to tell your guests that you think FMIL was a bit jealous of your mum so felt she had to copy her ?

Maybe you're reading too much into it. But that's understandable. Sometimes lots of little, apparently innocent actions/digs can sum up to one big 'I hate you' message over time! Taken alone, buying a coffee machine isn't that big of a deal. However, if she knows you do not drink coffee or other hot drinks, then I would agree she is being a bit unreasonable in buying a couple something that one person will get no enjoyment out of.

Just be the better person, laugh it off and say how much your OH will love the coffee machine. Thanks so much! I can't wait to offer guests a posh coffee. I really hope another of our presents is espresso cups! *whilst inwardy thinking (instead of the blinking money we asked for... not)*

What does your OH think about the situation? By that I mean the whole relationship between you two. Is it an obvious dig? Or are you just peeved with her that anything she does will annoy you, and anything 'bad' that she does will make your blood boil!

WEES, I'd be privately peed off but I'd have a laugh and joke about her douchiness. Its truly funny and I know so many of your guests would find it hilarious....but as a recent bride I know how it must feel on the other side of the joke. Not bridezilla as such but you of course are taking the whole thing a lot more seriously.

I would never say anything to her though, just be gracious on the surface - don't give her the satisfaction she craves!!!

I dont think you are being unreasonable. If she had been helpful throughout, you probably wouldnt have batted an eyelid at the coffee machine, im expecting a few people to do things like this because they dont like giving money. But with all the other things she has done - i must admit i had a bit of a laugh about her writing to your parents telling them what they can wear!!!- i think she has just pushed you a bit too far. maybe just tell your OH she is being a kn*b and to have a word. You could always sell the coffee machine ?

I dont think it would have bothered me too much if Mum hadnt had told her the exact colour that she was wearing. Mum's trying to do everything by tradition and it just seems like FMIL just doesnt care about any of it! Hence the invitation back, she doesnt understand it!

I really didnt mean to sound ungrateful as I appreciate all the gifts we get/may get, but she had initially said she was going to give to OH for xmas/his birthday and now its our wedding present!

Like you said, it is just the tip of the iceberg, think that the rant has down me good though, as as I was reading it again I started laughing at all the stuff she's done! I will always be polite to her, dont want the hassle it would cause, and me and OH can just laugh about it all afterwards!

OH is probably more annoyed by the whole situation than I am. He thinks its quite rude the way she has been towards my parents, especially after everything they have done for us. He has had several words with her, but she still just keeps going! I think that anything she will do now will just boil my blood. But will take a deep breath, remain calm and vent off to either OH or my mum!

Thats a good thing! It means you're not loopy or imagining the digs and snide behaviour etc. Maybe if your OH has words along the lines of 'me and Steph are getting married, we're in it for the long haul. She and her parents are now part of my family and I would appreciate it if you would make an effort to make them feel welcome. As much as I hate to say it, if you keep upsetting Steph, we won't visit. etc etc'

No your not being a bridezilla, yes it is out of order and the tip of the iceberg. Without going into any details, I can TOTALLY relate!!!

In the grand scheme of things wearing the same colour is no big deal, however to me it would be. Especially as your mum got her outfit first and then informed her of the colour. With all the colours in the world, she had to pick the same.

Most guests will not realise and so your mum will feel awkward as well. Sorry but I also get affected by the MIL wearing white or ivory but others say 'its your big day, dont worry about it'. Yes it annoys me!!

So I can understand how stressful it is, I would just accept it, and then sell it and put towards honeymoon. I dont drink coffee either lol xx

About the present yes you may be being a tad bridezilla, as some one else said a present is a present, some people just don't like giving money, would you have been as annoyed if a guest opted to buy you a gift instead of give you money?

i think the real problem is how she has been the rest of the time, she sounds like a nightmare! personally i think that if your parents are paying for the whole wedding maybe she is making a stand that she won't be pushed out of the planning? she sounds like she is being deliberatley awkward with both you and your parents and your OH should say something about that to her... I can't believe she sent them an invite from her haha!

Unless your OH can tame her i think you will have to grin and bear it! x

No i would be p'ed too if i were you... im not very gracious about recieving gifts i dont like (well only the ones that are so far off the mark like in this instance) so I would have no trouble telling them this but not suggesting you do the same.

Not at all bridezilla!! The part that makes me most angry is that your FMIL sent your mum a letter demanding that she change her outfit!!! The bluddy cheek of it! By any chance is this woman divorced? And your OH is her only son? Because this sounds like Monster In Law style behavior!! I think your OH needs to have a serious word with her.....and sod getting her a "present for the mothers" present! Big one for your mum though for not walloping this woman!!

This, basically.

I know it's a pain in the butt when you don't expect presents and if people are going to buy you something despite this, it would be nice for their hard earned cash to go on something useful for you, but you can't really dictate what people buy. I'd be the bigger person and if neither you or OH really drink coffee, get some private gratification out of the fact she's a numpty who has wasted her money. Besides if it was bought as a dig, she might be waiting for you to rise to it as an excuse to have another grump - don't give her the satisfaction.

haha! I love it!! We only really have a few more months to bare with her randomness, and turning up whenever she wishes (Often an extremely inappropriate times!!!) then we are moving away!! Which I think will help.

I think it all has just been a case of one thing on top of the other with her, and this is really just tipped it for me! But thank you all for your advice and letting me vent! It helped a lot!! And its nice to know that there are other FMIL's like it out there and I just need to take a deep breathe, ignore her, and start playing movies in my head!!!

At first I thought you were being a right ungrateful cow then I read on and realised you have a MIL just like mine and she has likely bought a coffee pot just to exclude you. The best way to tackle it is to be ever so thankful for it. Do NOT let her think she's pee'd you off, because then she will have won that battle. I'd also avoid bringing your OH into it too much as well, as he'll feel stuck in the middle and it can cause arguments.

Keep calm, smile and keep batting those balls back at her. If she's anything like mine she'll give up by the wedding. When I look at pics of MIL at our wedding, I see a sadness in her eyes where before there was plotting and suspicion. Its a shame, it never had to be that way

Lol! She sounds like a nightmare! If your OH is anything like my OH I can't say a bad word about his mummy she always seems to insult me when he's not around! Just smile and accept the gift and get a refund! Lol!

Your FMIL sounds like an absolute nightmare...

however, in terms of the gift situation specifically, I think you are being Bridezilla. Personally I don't feel that you should expect gifts, and they certainly shouldn't be dictated. She bought a coffee machine, not ideal, but get over it. At least yiou will be able to enjoy your Honeymoon knowing that she had no part in it.

The coffee machine thing would have annoyed me too. My FMIL has had plenty of little digs as well, this should say this and you should be doing that. That said, I don't think she means it and it's me whose reading too much into it sometimes, but who knows. One belter she came away with a few weeks after we moved into our house she said to OH, "are you losing weight" - why are you trying to say I'm not feeding him properly? was my immediate response haha. MIL's are sent to try us i think!!!

Yours is a nightmare by the sounds of it, and I am fuming on your behalf at your poor mum having to go change her outfit, I hope she found something even better!

She has! and is much happier with her second outfit! Its a lovely yellow/gold colour and looks lovely next to my ivory dress! She's gone for the full monty this time with matching hat, shoes, bag, jacket etc which she didnt have with the first one. Luckily all worked out for the best!!!

Glad to hear it, hope she blows FMIL right out the water xx

At first I though you were being a bit bridezilla about the present but the other stuff she's done makes her sound like a nightmare. At least your OH and your parents understand and it's not just you fuming away quietly to yourself.

Is it a proper expensive coffee maker? If so you could ask OH to put a guilt trip on her about you losing your job etc and maybe she'll change it for something you need? If it's just a cheap one then I'd let it go but insist she has 10 cups of coffee every time she comes over to visit.

Love it.

Good Luck on this one!!

I was telling my mum about the invitation thing last night and she told me about a story she read in the paper where the MOG had bought the same outfit as the MOB to upstage her....

so the MOB went and bought a 2nd outfit......and wore the original one to the party the night before!!!! That really screwed the MOG! Haaa!

Dont rise to it most mil are so worried about loosing their baby they try to cause fights

i would sell it and send her a postcard with a picture of u 2 on a excursion or getting a massage saying this coffee tastes great lol xxx

As the proud owner of a nightmare MIL I can empahtise with how you feel! There are many stories about what a nightmare mine is.

I do think you are sounding a bit spoilt brattish regards the coffee machine tbh- just smile and say thankyou- you can always exchange it afterwards.