FMIL really peeing me off now! : /

I think sometimes it can be so hard to build and maintain a good relationship with our FMILs, and I think it's because a lot of the time they are scared of losing that relationship with their sons. I know this is the case with my mum and SIL, their relationship is quite difficult at times because my mum wants my brother to still be her little boy. In your case I think the best thing to do is keep including her, but let her know these are your decisions and if she sulks she sulks, the more she sees that that's not having an effect hopefully the less she will do it. By excluding her it would feel more like she was losing the relationship which could make things worse.

I think you seem to be in a good position with your FSIL now, if you can keep friendly with one another your FMILs avenue for undermining you all has been taken away which can only be a good thing. Maybe try and keep your friendship separate from family politics and limit discussions about family so you have some other common ground. And if you and your FSIL are friendly that could definitely help your future hubby and his brother rebuild their relationship.

For your honeymoon I think I would take the dates she's given you up to now as final and make a booking that doesn't clash, if she comes back with more dates after that it's too late.

Hope things improve for you soon

Whilst I completely understand the old issue of MIL-not-coping-when-son-marries-and-feeling-left-out, I do think your MIL is being really childish and petty and that it doesn't really have much to do with her losing her son but more that she is just like this anyway. There's not really an excuse for this behaviour other than someone being a bit of a bully and used to getting their own way. Anyone who "plays siblings against each other" is a bit weird and has issues. Sorry, I just think that this goes a lot deeper and says a lot about her...

I think it's really good that you have got a relationship with your SIL and I think you should maintain this. If I were you, I wouldn't be telling MIL anything, other than time and place of when to attend the wedding. You mentioned that SIL doesn't tell her much and this seems to work - I think you should do the same. She wants you to keep telling her things so she can cause trouble, so don't tell her anything!

Dont let her dictate what you do - have the honeymoon when it suits you, not her. If you try to work around her she will continue to dictate you, the honeymoon is just the start of it. She is enjoying having control over you and you are letting her by telling her things about the wedding, etc. I do understand that it is hard (I'm sure most of us have had some kind of issue with in-laws) but you must be a bit clever about it and not let her have her way and cause trouble. At the end of the day it is your wedding and she needs to come to terms with the fact that she can no longer control your OH. I suspect that this is probably what she is really bothered about!

With the dance after the first dance, could you not dance with your dad and she dances with OH at the same time?

Thanks guys! The truth is that she is basically an attention seeking spolit brat who plays her kids off against each other to make sure yhat she is in the thick of everything - vile isnt it.

my oh sees it a bit more now but his bro doesn't.

In light of this being her personality rather than a one off reaction to her boys growing up, ive chosen to do a combination of your advices. - she can do the one thing that ive included her in but I wont talk to her about anything else. Ive tried to involve her but her responses and stirring end up making me wish I hadnt bothered....and so I am not doing that to myself anymore. She has shot herself in the foot and tough luck.

my fsil and I are just about sorted but its still early days and much of ghe problem was my fmil. Its delicate but my fmil still whirs away trying to stir in the background.

I might ask my fsil and fbil if they fancy going out one evening. Ive done this already and we went out but theyve not reciprocated since.

I sgree its important to build a relationship that doesnt revolve around the politics. My fsil and fbil are quite ignorant at times and sadly make littld effort with anyone unless it suits them. Ill kerp it friendly and keep making an efgort.

I feel your pain, my FMIL is a complete nuisance. She caused so much trouble with me & OH as she was jealous that I've taken her special boy away from her.
Tried her hardest to split us up then didn't talk to him for years, back talking now and she's nice to my face but know she secretly dislikes me still and feels the same jealousy.
OH knows what she's like though so any snide remarks from her and he's the first to shoot them down.
I think the sensible thing is just to ignore it as much as you can, at least other people know she's stirring so isn't taken in by her. Rise above it and know that she's just angry and jealous that theres another woman making her son happy!

Glad you have a way forward now.

dont worry too much about fsil and fbil failing to see through her - the main thing (as you've said) is that you all have a relationship that doesn't revolve around her and is a positive one. I'm sure in time that they will see what she is like...so keep asking them out for social gatherings or whatever. It's a shame that they don't reciprocate but for the sake of having "allies" maybe you can just turn a blind eye and be the one to organise/invite them for meet ups.

With MIL, yes don't tell her anymore! Obviously remain pleasant to her face but don't give her any ammo as she will only use it against you, as you have already seen.

Good luck, don't let her break you!

You know she's toxic, your OH knows she's toxic and it sounds like your FSIL has realised this too. You're not going to change her as she's been living her life like this forever, so the best you can do is just not engage with her game-playing. You don't need to discuss the wedding any further with her, really - my in-laws are great but had very little active role in our wedding planning (nor did my parents for that matter). Be civil to her on the day and don't rise to any bait she may throw your way.

As for dancing with your OH after your first dance, surely if you're dancing with your dad that would be fine? Most father-daughter dances I've seen are not solo-on-the-dancefloor ones, so if other people are joining in by that stage, it might fit quite nicely for your OH to go and dance with her. Re. your honeymoon, book it when it works for you, and she'll just have to live with it.

Thanks everyone. Im just gutted that ive shared so much of our plans with her already. There is nothing that she doesn't know really which pees me off as you're right - all she does is use what I share with her to make me feel *** and like what we're doing Is no good.

tbh, I hate her for ruining the bulk of our planning wigh her stirring and attention seeking ways. I wish id told her nothing at all. Even the jars...the jars she refused to decorate because of not wanting to compromise herself (wtf?!) because she is doing my fsil's. - she still stood there and let me show her the sample I'd spent ages designing and making beforehand! - probably to steal ideas! ; )

So, my lips are sealed now as fsr as she goes but sadly she already knows most of our plans!! : ( x

Is there an issue with your 't' because that was hard to read?

my MIL is the same... actually just talked to SIL and she was shocked by everything thats happened, if she want to make stuff hard then just ignore her... when my MIL learned she had NO say she backed off, at the end of the day me and my OH are fine and she just has to deal with that weather she likes me or not

God, thats awful! Calling social services?! Blows my fmil out the water ; )

talking of which, my fmil is now stopping at the venue the night before with her hubby, as am I, and shes got her mom to stop there too..its half an hour from their house! There is no reason to stay. It bugs me that she will be mooching about and looking at the decorations etc before the day actually begins. Ive told my oh already that I want it to be just me and my sister (moh) that night and his darling mother knows that.

Well, taking everyones advice im staying calm and will be doing just what I planned - going out for tea with my sis then doing last minute stuff (decorating the wishing tree etc). My fmil has been dropping hints about my hairdresser doing her hair on the morning. No way! Im not having my hair done at 7am so she can fit my fmil in too. Also, having her hair done by my hairdresser gives her a pass into my room during the bridal prep and given how vile she has been to me,she is the last person I want to see on the morning of my wedding. Im niw also having to have my breakfast in my room because I dont want to see her at breakfast.

I cant stop her staying there (its a tiny hotel with 8 rooms!) But I can control how much time I spend with her and that keeps me sane.

Its so nice to be able to be assertive and say No to the things within my control. She us not ruining the morning of my wedding.

Just tell her your hairdresser will not be able to fit her in, and if she wants her hair done professionally she'll need to arrange it herself. Her barging in and staying the night before is annoying, but just keep out of her way and keep yourself busy with the people you want to be there. If she wants to nose at the decorations she can.

Agree with Helenia - just tell her that the hairdresser can't fit anyone else in. It is annoying that she's going to be meddling there the night before, could you arrange for other family or friends to take her out for dinner or something? Anything to keep her busy and out of you way! Make sure you surround yourself with your friends - they can be your support if she does meddle too much. But I would just keep out of her way completely and not even answer the door to her. You mentioned that her saying there means you have to have breakfast in your room - don't be too upset about this, you'll probably be quite nervous on the day anyway, it might be a good way to just calm yourself on your own.

Thanks, yes, if she asks me (rather than skirting around as she has been doing) about the hairdresser then I shall tell her she cant fit her in and will need to makd her own arrangements - or god forbid, actually do her own hair!! Lol!!

I wont be letting her in to my room and definitely not on the morning - aside from anything else, there wilk be me, my moh, my mom, my bridesmaids and my bridesmaids mother in my room - along with the video guy and photographer! No room at the inn! ; )

I wish they werent staying but nothing I can do about that. I am choosing not to see her until the ceremony though and like it or not she has no say in that.

- the reason im upset about breakfast is because we have exclusive use of the venue and I wanted to go down to breakfast with my moh and really soak it all in that its mine and my oh's for the day...no chance with her cackling in the background like it's a big family day out with her at the centre of it all.

im annoyed thst she has robbed me of those first few hours of the day looking around the venue as its being decorated and making sure everything is just so. I feel like she is intruding in that time and stopping me from being able to wander around in my curlers overseeing things like I wanted to. Lets face it, who wants their oh family mooching around everything and seeing you in a half done state on the morning of their wedding. She is a thoughtless and selfish woman.

Your FMIL sounds a small bit like my MIL - she likes to be in the centre of attention too and wants everyone to involve her in their plans & make it about her. After my MIL destroyed my hen party, my OH told her to quite being like that on the wedding day - she wasn't happy but she behaved relatively well on the day, at least until she got drunk and told people all sorts of rubbish!

I would honestly suggest having a sit down with her and your OH and try to curb this behaviour - it sounds like she will control your wedding day which will upset you and potentially give you bad memories of your day. Be very calm and strong and tell her what it is she does that you don't like. And, if you don't want her there the morning of the wedding, tell her that - or, if you feel you can't, ask the venue to assist you & perhaps tell her that the rooms are all booked out for people travelling further.... There are ways and means to get around this behviour but I'd honestly suggest facing these issues head on - if you ignore them, they will come back & be worse the second time around.... just my experience!