FMIL wants to wear white?!

There are so many other beautiful colours out there and I would tell her to pick another colour, your dress is a wedding dress in white so why does she even need to see it. I would be fuming if my fmil said this to me, I personally think as a guest you should never wear white to a wedding x

I don't think you're wrong at all. It's not unreasonable that she wears any colour other than white/ivory. Xx

I feel like I'm being a bit Bridezilla - I never thought I'd be bothered by the colour people choose to wear, and I really don't think I'd be bothered if they said they were going to wear bright orange! I just don't want her to steal the show as it were because she's really pretty and physically fit so would look amazing in anything! Probably better than me in a white dress, haha.

I will probably be going against the grain here but I don't see an issue with it as long as it's not a bridal dress. I went to a wedding a few weeks ago and the mother of the groom was wearing silver, ok colour but it was long with a trail longer than the brides dress plus she wore a tiara! Now that I think it ott and trying to out shine the bride but a simple white dress I don't personally think will outshine you. But hey that's just my opinion and the fact my mum is wearing white lol

xx

Nobody will upstage you on your big day as its your wedding day and your the bride. She is the one not thinking how you will feel - have you let her see your dress???? Xx

Personally if my mother in law turned up in something like this I would high 5 her and say good choice u look stunning and better than some of the awful in law dresses I have seen.

The only person other than me who has seen the dress is my aunt and only because I'm storing it at her house, haha.
FMILs dress is a tea length (like mine) and white (mine is ivory) so I'm not happy with her choice tbh. I sort of saw some kind of wardrobe disaster happening with her because I've never seen her 'dress up' - at her son's graduation she wore a belly top and black leggings, and for a wedding she went to as a guest she wore a tank top and shorts?! I may just offer to help her find something a little more suitable...

You could offer to go shopping with her, pick out outfits that are not white/ivory x

Maybe she is just thinking she doesn't want to let him down and is going a bit the other way. Some women do want to match the wedding party and if she doesn't know ur having a tea length dress then she probably thought she would play safe with tea length. Maybe offer to go shopping with her. Mother of the grooms can sometimes feel a bit left out as it's the bride and mother of the bride outfits that all eyes are on xx

Could she be saying it so she gets to see your dress before the wedding?

Like others have said she might just want to make an effort. Do you have a colour scheme? If so ask her to wear something with that colour in so she feels part of the wedding party. I do think grooms mums get a bit left out sometimes. Saying that I've tried to involve my FMIL and she's got a bit carried away with things demanding to see or know things but I've put it down to excitement I'm sure she will go back to her lovely self when it's all over.

I would never wear white to someone else's wedding; even if it was a trouser suit. It's the bride's colour and no-one else's. Not everyone thinks like this though and it sounds like your FMIL may innocently be going over the top in her efforts to look the part.

It's not the colour but the intention behind it which is the problem, as the poster who mentioned the woman in the sliver dress illustrates. I think I would react differently to someone wearing white/ivory at my own wedding depending on who they are and my relationship with them as some people you just know wouldn't have a motive about it, whereas some would. But my overriding opinion is that there is a whole spectrum of colours to choose from so don't wear white to my wedding please.

This comes up SO OFTEN. the other week a girl I work with told me she'd been invited to a wedding and showed me online the dress she was thinking of buying. It was a very pale pink and at first glance I said "it's not white, is it? Cos you shouldn't wear white to a wedding." Straightaway she said "no, of course." She's 22 and barely been to any weddings as an adult - if she knows, why don't other people? To me it doesn't matter if the dress is bridal in style, it's just an etiquette thing. Sorry, that's not a very helpful comment, it just grinds my gears!

My own mother picked out a white silk suit thing with pearl buttons etc. and said 'i've bought this for your wedding' and i didn't think she would upstage me but i did think it would make her just look sad...like she wanted to be in on the bridal thing. And i dont want that!

Can you make a comment about 'Hope noone wears white...!' in front of her? see if it works?

On a more serious note, she KNOWS that noone wears white. She may just be a little put out at her child waltzing off into the sunset happily without her. Who knows.

To me, the fact that she's said she wants to see your dress to make sure hers isn't too similar would be ringing alarm bells - if she thinks her dress might be similar to your wedding dress, why the heck did she buy it?! If I were shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding (relative or otherwise) and saw a dress that I thought "Ooh, that might be similar to so-and-so's wedding dress", I'd steer well clear of it!

I have an update on this one!

I saw the dress she wants to wear - it's her *actual wedding dress* that she wore to her wedding a few years ago.
She wants to wear a wedding dress to my wedding and H2B doesn't understand why this is a problem for me!

We actually requested that everyone attending please wear blue and she said (and I quote) "[H2B] did mention blue but i'm wearing a white dress not blue hate the colour never worn blue only for work"

Deep breaths, Rizzie, deep breaths.

You asked that everyone wear blue? I thought that only happened in bridezilla jokes on Facebook! Is there a chance that she's winding you upin response to your outrageous dress code demands?

I didn't ask that everyone wears 'all' blue, we asked that everyone wears 'something blue'. There's only 20 people there all together (15 if you don't nclude me, H2B and our kids), and everyone was completely on board with the whole thing except for FMIL.

And no, she's not just winding me up. I asked if she could wear another dress of hers (which is cream so close to her usual colour pallette) and I'd get her a blue fascinator or she could have a blue handbag... but nope

Oh goodness! Even if she really doesn't want to wear blue wearing her wedding dress is a pretty low way to deal with your request. And I'm surprised your OH doesn't see the problem with it; maybe have a chat with her and say that you understand that she doesn't want to wear blue but it was only a request and as it's made her so uncomfortable that she needs to upstage you it of course won't be expected that the outfit she finally decides on will match the other guests'.

I should point out that her wedding dress was a very floaty maxi dress and not a princess/ballgown type or anything! It's still very weddingy, but nothing like my dress at all. I'm thinking I'll let the whole thing slide if she'll wear a nice bolero and a fascinator or hat (in blue if poss*) so she's at least dressed like the 'mother of the groom' and not the bride!

I really did see a disaster happening with her; she's one of those 'all or nothing' types when it comes to dressing up.

*the blue thing is actually a request for my birthday (same date as the wedding) as we've asked people not to give us presents. My dad's anniversary would have been on the same day, and he was known in town simply as 'blue eyes', and this was my way of including him. He meant a lot to me (as I'm sure doesn't need saying) and it was out of respect for my dad that the idea of everybody wearing 'something blue' came about. My mum can't make it either, but for other, completely different reasons; only my brother, sister and paternal aunt are attending from 'my side'. H2B's family were the ones who said they'd like to wear blue like those from my family since we will all be one afterwards. It's such a shame that FMIL doesn't want to take part.

(Is it still Bridezilla of me to want the blue thing?)

She wants to wear her wedding dress OMGF.

I think the blue is a beautiful way to include your dad. Shame on FMIL if she doesn't.

I get the idea behind wearing blue but personally I think is more something you would do at a funeral not a wedding!

The wedding dress is a bit to far tho, like I said I don't think its the colour of the dress that matters its the style of it that changes things.

If I was asked to wear blue then I would pick a blue dress as I love blue but would be worried I would have to many girls in blue dresses looking like BM's so as much as FMIL will look like a wanna be bride you might end up with a few girls unintentionally looking like wanna be bm's.

Either way its your wedding day do what makes you happy

xx

FMIL sounds like a really silly woman!

Just get on with it and leave her to it. Some people are too stupid to waste your time on. I bet someone is going to point it out to her at the wedding and she'll be embarrassed.

I think the blue thing is lovely.

I love the blue thing! What a wonderful way to include your dad in your day and how lovely of your h2bs fsmily to join in.

As to fmil and her wedding dress, present her with a blue pasmina as a gift and tell her you don't want her to feel awkward being the only one not in blue.

Or, ask to see it and 'accidentally' spill red wine on it. Ooops!!! ?

Oh for gods sake what is wrong with people!

I am furious for you!!! I don't even know what to advise you to do - your H2B needs to say something!

If this was me - I would ask her outright - 'why are you wearing white? you've had your day!'

xxx

Whilst I understand your annoyance RizzieRazzle, I kind of just feel really sorry for your FMIL. She's obviously got some sort of issue here and is insistent on wearing her own wedding dress to her son's wedding - something's clearly not right with her.

Let's be honest though, she's your h2b's mother. No-one is going to mistake her as the bride. No offence against her but she's obviously older than you and therefore clearly not the one getting married (to her own son no less! lol)

Her deep rooted issues aside, I say just let her be. She's obviously trying to get a rise out of you and succeeding in it. Don't let her get to you, let her wear the dress safe in the knowledge she'll hardly be upstaging you, now will she?

True Mustard - - but she still shouldn't be wearing white. regardless of what issues she may have, I just feel it's really unjustified for her to do so - and anyone in their right mind (which makes your theory even more plausible) wouldn't wear white to their sons wedding.

Have you and your MIL had issues previously Rizzie?

xxx

I love the blue idea. I think its lovely given it will be such a small wedding and not at all something you would only do at a funeral.

As to FMIL wearing white - if it was a nice white suit or something MOTGish then I would err towards keeping the peace. But she is wearing her own wedding dress to her son's wedding. wtf is wrong with her? She clearly has issues but seriously. Who wears their own wedding dress to another wedding?! If this was on corrie we would complain it was far fetched. I think your H2B needs to have a word.

Is it just me or anyone else can't wait for the wedding report. Please make sure you put a photo in of her.

just trying to lighten the mood. If she insist on wearing it then she will look the silly one. Try to stay calm it's not worth it.

I love the blue idea, that's really sweet. As for FMIL, that just isn't appropriate. For me, anyone wearing white (or anything near it) and anyone in a bridal style dress (no matter what colour it is) just shouldn't be allowed in! Particularly when you're eloping so your dress isn't a massive ballgown, it just isn't right, and the fact that it's her wedding dress?! I'm sure it's because she wants to wear it again, but I think you need to put your foot down with this one!

Aww thanks everyone.

I've not had the 'best' ever relationship with FMIL, but it's by no means a 'bad' one. We get on really well most of the time, but if my and OH have a falling out (and there's bound to have been some over a ten year period!) she will refuse to talk to me for a couple of months at a time. It's where he gets his stubborn nature from, I'm sure. She seems genuinely pleased that we're finally getting married and was welling up just talking about it and was so glad to have been invited (as if we wouldn't have asked).

I had a nice word with her earlier about her choice of attire - there's only four weeks to go (eek!) until the wedding so though I should really let her know I'm not happy about her dress choice sooner rather than later - she was actually really understanding about it, saying all of the usual "it's your day", "I don't want to cause you any stress" and the like.

I basically worded ithe discussion along the lines of "I don't know if [h2b] mentioned the blue idea, but I know most of the guests are wearing something blue. X is wearing a blue dress, Y has her hat and handbag and Z is going for shoes." (she told me here again about not liking the colour to which I said something like) "It's a shame you don't like the colour blue though, [fmil], because I had this fascinator made with the flowers from my bouquet for you..."




She really likes it and thinks she has a dress that will go well with it, which is not her wedding dress but is a muted shade of yellow. Much more suitable! I happened to also have to hand a really pretty pair of blue and yellow shoes which I've offered to let her borrow to bring the whole thing together (though I think she might refuse as they are quite high heels).

I *think* the issue is sorted.

I think you handled the situation much better than I could of done.

I do think its ridiculous that she even considered wearing her wedding dress to her sons wedding.

Anyway I hope that that issue is resolved for you now

Ooh, beautiful, well handled!