I lost my dad jan 08 after a long illness, and it goes without saying i miss him so much and not a day goes past that i dont think of him...it doesnt get easier, you just learn to live with it and there are times you have to block thoughts away or it will just destroy you. The one thing is he passed away before i met Mr CG, and it makes me very sad to think that he died not knowing his little girl was happy and going to be looked after....i'm now 2 weeks before the wedding becoming incredibly emotional about my dad not being there and i cant block it away...i have his brother walking me up the ailse and my best male friend doing a speech in replacement of father of the bride...and i dont, really dont know how i am going to hold it together, the feeling of loss i am experiencing, whilst normal im sure, is immense on the lead up to the wedding and it will be there on the day.
In memory of my dad, and for me, i would like to share a little story with you...its the only thing that warms my heart and gives me the tiniest hope that he is still looking out for me....
setting the scene, my home town was colchester i grew up there mum and dad still lived there but i had left the town about ten years before and lived 40 miles away.....anyway it was xmas 07, 3 weeks before i lost my dad and my last but one conversation with him went as follows:-
Dad: 'you know that if you want to buy a house you can come and move back in with me and your mum, you can then save up and look for a house around here. They are putting lighting in at the train station so you can park there and commute'
later on to my mum i said 'you know why dad said that dont you, he wants me back in colchester so i am here to look after you' (i knew in my heart he was dying and i think he also knew)
fast forward three months, dad was gone, i saw Mr CG on facebook and knew him from my senior school in colchester... i email him..
Me: 'hi you went to my school blah blah blah'
Mr CG: 'blah blah blah are you still in colchester'
Me: 'No i live about 40 miles away'
Mr CG: 'you will be back in colchester, i have a feeling'
Me: 'I very very much doubt it, i left ten years ago and i cant imagine for one minute that i will ever go back to that town'
...fast forward 10 months from that first email and ...
I'm opening the front door of my new house which i bought in a little town called Colchester!.....im happy, Mr CG is happy, my mum is happy.....and im sure, sure, sure my Dad is sitting up where ever he is and smiling his head off.
Thanks for listening, hope you enjoy that story as much as i do. x
