FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! - guest list drama update

There's no way I'd stand down! Obviously I don't have the hindsight OB has, but I refuse to let people get away with behaviour like this! They will only end up doing it to someone else.

Oh no this is awful. I know exactly the rage you're feeling but I also know OB is right. It happened to my mum on her wedding day. My das called her on the morning to say his mother had said if my Dad's 2 brothers weren't invited then she wasn't going. It was a tiny wedding in the reg office and my Mum had 4 siblings who also weren't invited but she gave in through gritted teeth for the sake of peace, and for my Dad. The good ones who really cared understood why.

My thoughts exactly.

I don't see why you should give in. It is your day! Unfortunately giving in often causes an unfortunate precedent to be set. My BIL has spent the last decade giving into his wife's crazy demands but now doesn't want to do it anymore. The problem is he has done it for 10 years and she doesn't see why things should change.

Why do people get so weird about wedding invitations? It's really odd. If you invited someone to dinner they wouldn't try to wheedle an extra invitation or drop out for someone else. It's just rude.

You invited your cousin to be BM and your Aunty to be a guest. Your BM wants a plus one and you've said that you have no room, so now your Aunty won't attend? I agree with whomever upthread said that your cousin has been giving her earache about this. Time to push back I think.

To Aunty: 'I'm so terribly sad that you (my Aunty) don't want to attend my wedding, not even the evening do. I really wanted you there, which is why i invited you. As you know we're really tight for numbers and I have a list of people we coudn't fit in. I do hope you change your mind but please know that if I haven't heard from you by Friday 14th I'll be inviting someone else from my reserve list to the day'

To Cousin: 'I'm gutted your Mum isn't coming. X still not invited though as I already had a reserve list and you weren't together when the invitations went out.'

To Both: 'I can't honestly believe that you, my family, would boycott my wedding over the fact that I haven't invited someone you weren't even with 3 months ago, but obviously I must accept your decision.'

Then leave them to it and have a lovely wedding with the guests who care enough about you to actually turn up!

On the phone to my mum, we cant see a way out that wont cause more, erm, crap.

mum read out the texts my auntie sent her regarding not coming, they sounded spiteful and highly targeted at my mum. like she was the one that hatched this masterplan. my f**king family and f**king drama!! I sometimes wonder if they believe themselves the stars on some soap opera.

mum did highlight the important things thou, its about me and OH getting married and our close family will be there. thats what matters.

I still think you shouldn't give in, although I can see OB's point and it may be me just being a stubborn cow! however, I would say be wary of reading too much into a text message. As most of us who use forums know, words can be taken the wrong way when they're written down and you can only ever assume the feelings behind them. I would advise not trying to do any more discussing over text but maybe get your aunt on the phone or take her out for a coffee and have a proper chat about it in person. if you then get a spiteful response, then you have your answer.

Good points beckijane. People often write things in texts, emails and on the Internet things they would never say face to face

Ok NEW updated.

In an way of trying to get the conversational ball rolling without drama I contacted my cousin BM who called me back. I was talking about the BM dresses I won yesterday (gosh this is a 24hr of high and lows!) for measurements and extras if she wanted them. She asked how i was so I told her politely. She says her mum said she wouldn't the meal to save me money and help me out etc etc.

so the story is changing now.

so yes, drama drum may have been distorting the truth OR there were some knee jerk reactions that are being backtracked. I'm a little baffled and exhausted. Does anyone want to do a swappies on families? they're adorable when in a good mood just don't feed them after midnight or get them wet.

Elixia - sorry you're having this drama, you know I had drama too and it's the only thing that has bought stress since the whole wedding plans!!!

I go through stages, I think how rude and stick to my guns then think oh have a been harsh but at the end of the day if they're not invited and you feel so strongly about them not coming then leave it as it is. One day they'll realise they were out of order. I had to laugh when your aunt gave up her meal for the BF