Frazzled B2B (not the crisps, just general frustration and bewilderment)

Welcome! We are doing it all for less than £3k, having a registry office do and a reception at a local hotel for 30 people. I will be 32 and my fiancé will be 44, it is the first time for both of us and I can't wait.

with regards to your budget, you need to decide what is important to you. We aren't having a photographer, just a photography student from the local uni. Also, I am doing a lot of the stationary and favours etc myself to save pennies

good luck x

Our initial budget was 5k, then 8k now its coming in at 12k total MAX. it changed rapidly as we realised we couldnt have all the things we wanted.

Kentish weddings are expensive, we are from Kent originally and moved to Warwickshire 3 years ago. Our friends are spread out too and first of all we looked into Kent as this is where the majority of family and friends are. The price difference between the venues in the Kent and the equivelent here is substancial. For our venue package and ceremony here in a converted Barn its £5k, we were looking at over £10k for the same package in a Kentish Barn.

Togs may seem like a lot for one days work, but there is a lot more to it than the day alone with weeks of editing involved, photography is an art but photographing a wedding is a master art. opt for a disc only package to keep costs down

Weve managed to keep costs down by hunting out the best deals, making our own invites and doing some of the decoration ourselves. The decorations we can't do ourselves we opted to have them all done by one company including the flowers and because we are using them for the whole day we have managed to get a few discounts and freebies too!

Getting Married in OCT/NOV is out of season too and that'll be cheaper than in the summer

OK, we married in Aug and like you aren't in the first flush of youth (both 38).

We actually married abroad, but had the whole reception thing here, so budget had to include catering as well as flowers, entertainment etc etc.

Our costs excluding the overseas costs (ceremony and photos only) were under £10k. We used a village hall for the reception for 60 people, did the decoration ourselves, had a hog roast for catering and a local ceilidh band for music. Mum's friend did all flowers for £200 and we got champers from Tesco with massive discount.

If you want a C of E wedding (we did, and had one abroad), there's no reason it has to be a drama. People will get themselves between venues - it's only in recent years that brides have thought this is their responsibility - it's not. Just don't use a hugely expensive stately home type reception venue, and use family and friends and their contacts where you can.

Our reception actually cost under £5k. About £4k was outfits and rings. With your £10k budget you could easily do similar, and have £1k leeway for ceremony/transport costs.

xx C

Hi,

We're not far from you- over in Peterborough and found similar with prices. We have found often the best way to cut down on prices is to look into packages as when we looked at organising things individually it all added up lots.

As you are in Ely have you looked at this venue:

http://www.bestwestern.co.uk/hotels/cambridge-quy-mill-hotel-cambridge-83673/weddings/default.aspx

It's run by the same people as ours and they do a fab package depending on your numbers.

Other than that prioritize- what are the most important things to you- spend on that, scrimp elsewhere.

Ours was for everyone to be there so venue was most important!

A good tip my friend told me was for the two of you to write tow separate lists numbering your most important things and then match up!

Really helped us!

R xxx

Ha! I read your post and immediately thought 'ME'!

Our engagement was more of a mutual "Shall we do it?", "Yeah, OK then!" conversation, rather than grand sweeping romantic gestures; sums up our very pragmatic personalities I suppose!

Our budget is coming in at just over £8k and we've stuck to that from the start. Like you, I'd heard all the gumf about couples spending £20k plus on a wedding and, if you have the wherewithal to do that- go for it! I just don't think that I could morally justify that kind of money on a single day, when I still don't own a house and have debts to pay off (not including the wedding, I've saved my a*se off for that!) Plus, I've been to a number of identikit 'hotel' weddings- they're all a bit meh, to be honest.

Also, like you, we're not in the first flush (I'm 34, he's 40) and I'm a bit of a traditionalist and would like to be married before we start a family, so our wedding has been very much determined by the biological clock as much as anything else. In all honesty, I never thought I ever would get married- always been a bit of an uber-feminist, so never really got the whole 'princess wedding' thing or approved of the whole 'institution' of marriage in general...funny how strongly held socio-political views can be altered once the hormones of desperation kick in!

It can be really intimidating. I was utterly dreading dress shopping. I can offer you the stoic reassurance that it's not as bad as you think, as long as you listen to the professionals! But yeah, photography websites, wedding magazines, etc. have quite a generic take on marriage as the realm of the youthful. Which is silly really when you think that more and more people are sorting their careers, other life goals these days before they decide to get hitched.

Also, don't let people tell you what kind of wedding you want to have. EVERY appointment I've had so far (cake, photos, dress) have all said to me- "are you sure you don't want it to look like xx?", or "Are you sure that xx is what you really want?". One wedding dress shop lady actually made me and my friend honk with laughter when she suggested I might want to go for something more 'elegant and sophisticated'. Two less suitable adjectives to describe me could not be found! More like 'drunk and moshing'. That's the look I'm going for.

Ooops! This is turning into an unintentional essay. Basically, top tips:

Rope in as many friends / family as you can to sort stuff for you- I have my sister doing makeup, my friend doing hair, cousin-in-law doing pics and my brother playing in the band!

Look at 'alternative' venues which may not be traditionally used for weddings, but have function facilities. You can get some really unique places which are MUCH cheaper- think restaurants / bars, historic buildings, council buildings...? People will remember them too; stately homes / hotels can blur into one.

Sort your priorities early. I decided that food / booze, entertainment and cake were my top priorities, so they have most of the budget. Things like dress, decs, shoes, rings, etc. not as important to us, so we've allocated money accordingly.

Keep a tight rein on the guestlist. Don't worry about not inviting people cos they'll get 'offended'. They'll get over it. Likewise with kids. Forking out to keep kids amused can cost a fortune. If they have plenty of notice, they'll be able to sort childcare.

Send out Save the Dates. Wasn't going to do this originally but we did and received little / no interest from some parties, so we 'demoted' them from the day to the evening and bumped up some more enthusiastic guests to the day!

Logistically, can't people pay for their own transport between venues? Most people appreciate the amount of money which goes into a wedding and don't begrudge forking out here and there. We're walking (!) between our wedding / reception venues- with the option of a cab for people who don't want to walk- it's about 10-15 mins walk.

If you want cheap, handmade stuff (ie. invitations) but, like me, don't have a crafty bone in your body try Etsy.com. I've got our invitations from there- the whole lot for $100 and they are a MILLION times better than anything I could make (or, to be honest, any other wedding invites I've ever received..!)

Set up a Pinterest board to keep track of things you find online that you like. Here's mine: http://pinterest.com/skeptical78/wedding-junk/

Sorry to bang on. Good luck with it all! ?

I would echo the advice the other wise hitchers have given you. I just wanted to add that I'm potentially your date twin as I'm getting married on 5th October! There is a thread on here for October 2013 brides which you can search for. And there is a facebook group for 2013 brides, which you may find useful....

Can I just point out that when I read your comment of £10,000 budget I snorted and said HOW MUCH myself. Thats double what our budget was. So it is more than doable with that budget, just shop around for deals. We ended up with sit down 3 course meal, white dress, church wedding, meal for 54 day guests, 80 ish in evening for buffet, plus pro TOG etc with half your budget. It is doable. Just start researching now and you can work out what is good value and what isn't.

For our wedding on 5th April 2013 we have

Booked smart hotel venue for 60 people in the day and 80 in the night - carvery and buffet - £1800

Suits for 3 men - £200

My dress - £140 (house of fraser)

Shoes - 2 pairs £30

Cars - best mate is driving me in her smart exec car

Rings - H2B bought me a white gold and diamond dress ring which looks like a wedding ring in 1996 - cost to clean and use, as I haven't seen one I prefer or one that would mean more - £10 (he won't wear jewellery)

Photos - Best man's daughters' present to us - £0

Cake - Sister in law's present to us £0

Wine on tables - £200

DJ's - £195

Flowers £400 (apart from the Venue, this was my greatest extravagance, flowers make a wedding).

Inviations - £40 (Vistaprint)

Registrar to come to venue - £250

And bride's bits and pieces - lets say £100, so all in all, we don't bust a £5K budget. We have been together for 17 years, have a 8 year old daughter, so we didn't want to go over the top, I am 40 and he is 52. I have to say our plans are just perfect - its really about having all the people that care about you, and vice versa, in the same room at the same time to witness the "confirming" of a family that has existed for ages anyway.

Don't panic. You find you will make compromises along the way, but they quickly become compromises that you can live with.

Hi Rhoslyn,

Thanks so much for your tips and advice; we checked out the Cambridge Quy Mill and it looks really nice (reasonable price too).

We still have another couple of places we'd like to view but have added Quy Mill to our viewing list and will have you to thank if we decide to go with it!

The two separate lists was another good idea which we will definitely use to help us prioritise what's important to US!!

Thanks again and best of luck to you and your hubby.

M

xxx

Hi Jojo85,

Thanks for your post - much appreciated!

You are right; at the moment our number one priority is WHERE and it has proven trickier than we anticipated.

We're not really bothered about the overseas guests as such; if they're paying to travel to the UK they won't be too choosy about where in England they're based.

Our main issue is that my parents live in London and my Fiance's mother lives in Cottingham (Hull). Both my father and the other half's mother are elderly and in poor health and would have difficulty travelling long distances (even though both will be chauffered by family members).

My father has to take oxygen for 7 hours a day (a huge machine thingy, nothing nice and portable) and my mother in law to be is in a care home and needs 24 hour assistance. She becomes agitated if she is out for too long. As such, neither can be too far from home and we can't even book them into a local hotel for the night ☹️

We're based in Kent at the mo but will be in Cambridgeshire from April which is a couple of hours from both sets of parents but it's the best we can do!

Our Vicar friend is based just outside of London which would be great for my Dad but would mean a 3-4 hour drive for the MIL.

We have thought about speaking to local vicars to ask whether our friend can share their service but our 'local' vicar won't be local to us for another 4 months and we'd like to book our church or venue before then.

All in all a bit of a nightmare but we'll work something out, I'm sure.

Thank you again and best of luck to you (don't know whether you're engaged or newly married)!

M

xxx

Hi Skeptical78,

Thank you so much for your post; it made me laugh - our engagement was pretty much identical to yours and like yourselves, the timing of the decision had as much to do with our wish to procreate as wanting to officilaise our union.

A few of you have mentioned roping in family & friends and we are definitely up for that! My aunt is making our cake, my close friend is a make up artist, a friend of a friend may do the photography (just waiting to see her portfolio), my best friends daughter is ridiculously talented (and ridiculously tattoo'ed) and she's agreed to design our invitations. It's not just about the budget (though that is VERY important), having loved ones help out makes it all a little more personal, paticularly if we go for a fairly rigid venue package....and you are bang on with the point that stately homes and hotels can be samey and forgettable but we are still undecided. Will keep you posted!

Thanks again for your input and for making me giggle...

M

xxx

Hi Maxinegallie,

Thanks for posting - another one that made me laugh!

You're right; 10k is a stupid amount - we initially decided on 5k it just didn't seem realistic.

Speaking to people like yourself and shopping around has given us hope and we don't HAVE to spend the full budget if we can help it ?

Thanks again and best of luck

M

xxx

Hi JanetJones,

Thank you very much for posting and well done on getting the whole day together for 5k!

Posts like yours (and others) have been really helpful; before joining this site I was naively looking at magazines and worrying that we'd never have the wedding we wanted on our budget. Now at least I know that it CAN be done ?

It's also nice to hear from older couples as I work with 2 twentysomething B2B's and they regularly make me feel ancient!

Many thanks again and best of luck to you and hubby.

M

xxx

Thanks to everyone that has posted so far; I've been overwhelmed with the support, advice and brilliant tips that I've received.

I haven't had the chance to answer each post individually but just wanted you to know that your help is appreciated ?

There are still a couple of issues I can do with advice on:

- If anyone else knows of a nice, reasonable venue in Cambridgeshire I'd love to hear about it!

- Does anyone have any experience of Bi-racial weddings? I am British born black (Guyanese parents) he is British born white (Irish & English parents). Both families are large but in some ways quite different. How to we deal with the minefield that is food/music selection?

- How does Navy, Lavender and Silver sound as a colour scheme? I really love the combination but am worried that it might be too dark. We're obviously opting for an Autumn wedding but I definitely dont want the orange/red/brown scheme that appears each time I type 'Autumn Wedding'!

- My Fiance is a keen climber (not a euphemism) and we're both hikers. I've seen some really nice bride and groom statuettes (or whatever you call the bride and grooms which sit atop cakes!)

We're having 2 cakes and I'd love one of them to have a little statuette of him climbing up the side with me waiting impatiently at the top.

I can't decide whether this is clever and funny or just plain naff...

Any ideas?

M

xx

LOVE LOVE LOVE your cake topper idea! We're being crabs for ours!

Colour scheme sounds great; having one bolder colour (navy) complemented by a metallic and a pastel is a good way to go. I know what you mean about the orange / red / brown thing.

Sadly I can't help with venue scouting; not my part of the world...but good luck with it and hope you find something perfick!

I think the cake topper sounds fantastic as it's something unique but meaningful to both of you. The colour scheme sounds good too. I know what you mean about autum colours- I personally don't like orange/gold, but I think just because your wedding is in autumn, you don't have to stick to any seasonal colours. We're having teal.

Good luck finding your venue!

OMG that's SOOOO true.....our Save the Dates and Invites are a case in point...!

A huge THANK YOU from my fiance and I; we have just booked Cambridge Quy Mill for our wedding breakfast and reception on 05.10.2013!!

We'd never have known about it if you hadn't suggested it.

Many, many thanks,

M

Awwww fantastic!!! How lovely. We are also getting married in a Best Western but in Peterborough. Good luck with all the planning and let me know if you want any advice about Cambs suppliers.

Btw- you also share the wedding date with one of my best friends!

R xxx

Yay great news. Looking forward to reading about your plans!

Aww hello and welcome to Hitched! Don't worry at all, there's plenty of cost cutting ways, as someone said, you can do it for a couple of grand, and potentially less! Prioritise what you want to spend money on, and scrimp on the unimportant stuff. Don't worry, you'll get there!And don't worry about guests, they shouldn't complain at all, they should just be happy and delighted for you!

P.S the cake toppers sound cute!

Hi All

We marry in June 2013... I will 48 yrs and OH will be 50 yrs. We just want to get married, without too much fuss. We are having a church wedding and a garden party reception at our home. We are having around 50 guests so very small.

My biggest expense so far... my dress £1,000

His suit £99 from M & S (bless him!!)

I made my own Invites and currently sewing bunting to decorate.

I plan to use flowers from our garden for small bouquets and table decs (vintage theme).

Hope this helps

Juliet

Juliet this sounds lovely. What dress have you gone for?

My dress is an Alfred Angelo style no: 2236 (would upload a pics if I knew how to do it!!)

Wasnt planning on having a strapless dress - wanted something with little sleeves or straps, but I did fall in love with this dress (and is very slimming too... corset back).

Juliet x

My Lovely dress

Was just about to jump in there and give some suggestions but I see you've already got somewhere booked.. yeay you.

I'm older than you - I'll be 51 when we marry, he's my toyboy and will be 49.... I'm in Cambridge itself - not the best place to find things cheap eh. My aunt and Uncle live in Ely.

x