Friend tragedy - how should I proceed?

That is a really tough one; you have no idea where she is right now and bringing up your hen night may be completely insensitive, but on the other hand, she may really want to be there.

I think you should do what you have said. Send the e-mail as normal and give her a call and say you are compeltely with her no matter what she decides to do. I'm guessing you've been texting/calling to make sure she's ok about whatever has happened, so I don't think this will come across as insensitive. She may say, I can't deal with this right now, in which case you would just need to back off. However, if what happened was a few weeks ago, you may find she has had to start dealing with 'every day' stuff again already. IMHO opinion, it sounds like what has happened is awful, therefore I'm not sure it could be made worse.

Stuff the email, ring her. Check she's ok first before you do anything else. Ask if there's anything you can do and then, and only then, tell her you completely understand if she doesn't want to come on the hen night but you thought you would check what she wants to do before you sent out the email and upset her.

I think your original plan is a good one. I think ringing her could be difficult if she is not in a place for talking, and it could seem insensitive to bring up your hen do in the converation. But if you don't you will be none the wiser about how to proceed. I would say send the email as planned then text and ask if she would like you to call her to chat.

I'm on the text/phone then email side - receiving an email when your head is in a bad place can come across as insensitive - I nearly fell out with a friend over something similar - I guess the mail will be upbeat and exciting - it might not be what she wants.

If you are a good friend anyway, picking up the phone and asking how she is/if you can help is a good place to start. Let her know she is your priority.

You sound like you really care about her - if you just tell her that and that you don't want to make things any worse for her, I am sure she will understand where you are coming from and be grateful for your friendship.

I'd email her first, letting her know that you are going to send out the hen email in a few days time. Make it clear that you don't want to exclude her, or make her feel obliged to join in. Let her know that she's welcome to ignore it (put in a read receipt if that's still possible so you'll know if she's read it) but especially that she's got all the time she needs and there's no pressure.

Definitely ring her. There is no 'tone' in an email and it is much easier for things to be misunderstood.

When you ring you can find out how she is as well as explaining that you don't want to upset either by inviting or no inviting her. A phone call will make it much easier to guage how she is feeling and also to see if she needs anything from you. Emails are fine for organising things but not for emotional discussions.

I couldn't disagree more, but then that depends on the people involved.

When my dad died many years ago I couldn't have coped with phone calls. Email wasn't a common option then so we wrote letters instead - an email can be just as nuanced. It depends on how you write and express yourself in written words. Oddly enough its worked for thousands of people for hundreds of years only the delivery is now quicker.

The last place I'd want for an emotional discussion is the phone - believe it or not some people hate using the phone outside a work context.

Each to their own. I hope the OP finds a nicely balanced way to communicate with, help and accommodate her friend in a difficult time.

I think bumblebees suggestion is excellent. id actually prefer email contact rather than telephone. a well phrased email gives her time to digest thinks, a phone call means she may feel 'put on the spot'. hammer home how much she means to you, that her well being is paramount. explain that you understand she is going through a really difficult time, but you dont wish to add to her upset by isolating her. i would avoid sending the group email and tailor one specifically for her. make sure she knows that its fine if she cant make it, and that you are happy to do something with just the two of you sometime if she prefers. you sound like a good friend to have.

I agree with the email suggestion, If someone called me when I was upset I'd probably just start crying over the phone. If you send her an email to say you're thinking of her and if she needs anything then just give you a call. Then mention that you are sending out hen do invitations but if she's not up to it then you completely understand.