Full of doubt and uncertainty today - UPDATE x 2

If this house isn't a done deal, I would pull out.

If it IS a done deal. I wuld get a banner made saying 'if you say yes to this house you can make any changes you want in it' and tell Mr P 'talk to ther banner coz the face ain't listening'.

He has to accept that he said you could have the changes. Unless you actually can't afford them, which is a different matter

L
xx

Is it worth talking to the builder about how you can get the changes you want and keep the costs down, maybe hinting that you might pull out if you can't get it how you want it with a a budget of X?

For example, with the badly designed bathroom (I know all about that - I fired our architect and designed it myself), it will cost a fortune to move things around if the rough plumbing has already been done, but if you can live with the position of the tub, toilet, sink and shower, it should be fairly minor to move cabinetry around. Moving a toilet however, is a totally different matter, particularly as you have to have a certain height drop between the toilet and the central stack it drains into, which depending on the depth in your floor may actually limit where you can put it.

Depending on how much time you have to shop around yourself, if you can find the front door you want at a reasonable price, ask them for a credit for not haivng theirs, then buy your own and have a handyman fit it. When we replaces a front door on our old place, we had quotes from $2800 to over $9000 (it was a custom door) so there was a huge variation.

Why the big rush to buy somewhere? Do you have a reason you can't take a little longer to find the perfect place?

It's not a 'done-done' deal as when we signed up on Sunday, I insisted we needed to sign a sheet saying 'subject to builder's ability and costs re: changes'. So yes we've signed, BUT subject.

I have that horrible feeling in my chest and pit of my stomach, but I'm not sure if that's because of the house only, or because of all the stuff going on with the houses back home, or because of my imminent trip back to Mum's on Sunday and how I'll find my brother ....

All I know is today I'm feeling awful. Dead worried, nervous, jittery and having palpitations. Not a good feeling at all.

Going to do some quick exercise before I go out to see if that helps.

BG, the bathroom is pants, it really is. It looks great, but practically it's a man's bathroom, designed by a man. No thought for a woman at all.

The rush is because we're coming off Expat basis soon and need to move out of here, or take on this lease which is 2.5 x mortgage rate.

If you feel like this about it, i would seriously consider pulling out tbh.

why do all the changes have to be made now? could you not live with things for a while?

Ditto to what ClareS said. Can't the changes be done over a period of time? If you say that things like the bathroom are totally ok and usable, just not a 'girls bathroom' (not sure what that means, tbh), can't you just do the things you NEED doing first and then schedule in a plan of action for the 'nice to have now but not essential' things?

Do you have a pic or layout of the bathroom?

Not sure quite what you mean by a man's bathroom? I am guessing single sink and no storage, although perhaps you mean the toilet in the middle and a built in scaletrix?

We tried to fit a lot into a relatively small space, and I did discover a double sink that fits into the space normally designed for a single, in a vanity with fab girlie storage. Also recessed cabinets (if you have 4" min walls) can add a huge amount of storage. These would both add minimal cost. If you can't live with the positioning of the bath / toilet etc, then you have more of a problem. What exactly is wrong with it?

I think the reason I'm having these doubts and picking fault with the layout is because it just isn't 'the one'. All this has happened so bloody quickly, and I feel like I'm living in a whirlwind.

The bathroom has 2 sinks .. in Texan houses the 'hers' sink is usually slightly lower with more counter-top, and an area to sit down for doing hair/make-up. I know that compared to UK bathrooms it sounds, and IS wonderful, but compared to other builders' houses here, this one was badly designed. The storage is pathetic, the closet too. And don't get me started on the size of the master bathroom toilet.

Sorry, I know I'm moaning when I shouldn't be. I'm just nervous as hell of spending money (lots of) on something that isn't 100% right, or even 95% right.

I'm taking some friends up to see it this afternoon to get another woman's perspective on the whole thing, including the fact people will be walking by right on the other side of the wrought iron fence looking straight into the house, and pool (when it's put in sometime)

You should be moaning if you dont like it. it sounds like you are spending a lot of money, and if it were me, i would want it to be perfect too. but you seem like you are getting a bit stressed with it, whic makes me think you might be best walking away.

sorry.

Oh Peaches - WEES - a new house shouldnt give you these feelings, its just not the one!!

How long do you have to find another house if you pull out?

I think I said this before, but I would absolutely 100% walk away if you can. When you posted last time it all seemed so rushed, I imagine the you are still getting your head around the whole GC thing, and now in a week you have had to make a huge decision.

Your home is fundamental to get right, especially if it is not long term. If you don't feel right about and there are so many things that need changing, it would seem to me that it isn't the right house for you. Especially given it is such a huge financial commitment.

Is there something about the house that Mr P loves that makes it so desirable? Could you keep looking at other houses to find something more suitable?

I understand about the lease on your current house, is there anyway you could negotiate a short extension? Surely paying the lease at 2.5x might be cheaper than buying the wrong house and spending so much on changes.

I hope everything is ok with your Brother when you come home and have a safe journey. We nearly had a disaster with our house in Texas recently, the town was one of those evacuated from the fires that started at the North end of the state, we were lucky to escape with a bit of a smoke smell in it and our tenants are safe which is the main thing.

Take care of yourself!

TG

Oh Peaches, you must stop the process if your heart isn't there. ?

Updated on OP

Oh good grief? glad you feel better about it, hopefully this is the one then? ? at your H

Oh Peaches your H sounds like me a bit!! I think maybe he was a bit overexcited by the whole GC thing and may have wanted to do everything now now now...! Im SO like that, so I know what its like. Im glad you seem to have found something that you will both love though, your gut is always right, especially with property matters!! ?

so, when you moving in? I need to know when to book my flight to come and sunbathe on your lawn help you move ?

The relief in your update is very apparent ?.

Take your time and find something that's perfect (or pretty close to it!). Hopefully you won't lose out too much by pulling out of the other house?

Good luck with the search!

<shaking head> .. he's like a child, he really is! A fully grown, adult child! ?

I've often told him money burns a whole in his pocket as he'll just buy something without thinking about it. It's a very, very fortunate position to be in, but it's alien to me. I've come from a background where I had to think about every single penny, and even now, I still have a 'poor head' on my shoulders (as someone told me some time ago!)

I get really frustrated with him when he just buys something without thinking. Take his current car .. oh, lets not lol. The story is too long! But you get the picture ?

I can't tell you how relived I am to have made the decision to pull out. I'm sorry we won't have the neighbours who live next door as they are a cracking couple. For an American, he has a great SOH which is akin to ours (huge generalisation, but we've found that most Americans just don't get our humour at all, never mind actually having it themselves!). We were imagining BBQs in each other's gardens, and .. well, it wasn't to be.

We haven't had all the prices back from the builder yet, so we can't tell them we're pulling out as we're actually signed up on this house on condition of the builder's costs, so we can't pull out until we've got them all. We only had the most basic costs, and that had racked up to $13k. I'm pretty sure that by the time everything is priced, we'll be looking at little change from $100k which is just plain stupid IMO. Someone will love that house just as it is, so to go and rip things out that are already in place is such a waste.

Anna, as I told Mr P this morning, we're not moving anywhere until we both love it, and pictures tell a different story to how you feel when you walk in, so don't book flights just yet lol. At least all 3 of these houses are finished, so WYSIWYG - no changes can be made. In a way, that's a relief!

I'll show you the area if you're interested?

Most definnitely interested!! I love looking at US property websites (I have many friends over there), as depressing as it can be ?

i agree that that many changes (and for that price) is a waste - its just not a good sign if you need to make so many changes, to a new house!

Exactly what I kept telling him, but he said that it was perfectly ok as it was OUR house, and to make it our house, we needed to personalise it. Sorry, but when there is a beautiful fireplace in situ, but someone hates it (it was like an old-fashioned stone with a hearth .. truly lovely, but it took me back to my childhood and I just didn't want it) it's such a waste to rip it out. Never mind the cost (which can't be discounted).

And the floor tiles that had been laid .. they would have come up too as they weren't right .. and the bathroom. And walls being moved .. oh, and let's not forget the garage!

So .. onwards and upwards.

Here is the community I was talking about for you to look at ?

Quite possibly our $5k holding deposit, but I'll do my utmost to get that back. Hence holding back from telling them until we get the prices from the builder as it was a done deal subject to them. I'll swing it that it's now too expensive to buy after all the changes, and I couldn't live in the house the way it is. Have to play it by their rules .. they've got us sewn up!

Oh wow Peaches, just having a look. I've heard of these gated communities before but didn't realise they had a virtually complete mall in there and everything! and schools?! you never need to leave ?

Fingers crossed you get the money back then.

And I really shouldn't have clicked on that link....you can get more than twice the sq,ft. on a house down there for the same price as houses up here!!

Glad you're feeling better about things now your OH has seen sense! It's so hard one one half thinks a house is the best thing ever and you don't feel the same. I had a similar problem with my OH - he wanted to buy the first house he looked at and couldn't understand why I wasn't keen. He got all emotional about it and I felt REALLY pressured by his behaviour. We didn't buy it though, and found somewhere more suitable. I'm glad it looks as if the same is happening for you!

Ok, just found out they have cashed our $5k cheque.

This was not the agreement. Going to kick arse ?

Ooo, Peaches, take a really big swing so you get plenty of momentum when you kick!

Totally sounds like the right decision, what nobbers cashing the cheque against what was agreed. Go kick some american arse!

The community you posted looks lovely

Sorted it out. They don't know we're going to pull out, but I've sorted the $5k anyway. Cashed erroneously (yeah, right). Whatever! (do I sound like a yank yet?!) ?

Fingers crossed this 'new' one is right when you get the viewing.

I'm so relieved for you. That neighbourhood/complex/what do you call it anyway? is beautiful. And sushi on site - yeah. Hopefully you can take your time a little bit now but I hope you find the right house tomorrow.

Now go kick ass on the $5K. ?

Kate

I am SO glad for you that you're pulling out! It sounds like you are entirely right that Mr P gets swept up in the moment and is a total impulse buyer, so he should absolutely NOT be making decisions on things like houses!

The new places you're going to look at sound fantastic.

L
xx

I'm relieved we're pulling out too. I took another friend up there yesterday (I didn't want to go back, but she hadn't seen the house, so did!) and she was the first of my friends who wasn't impressed with the view or the house. She's not the kind of person who says what she thinks you want to hear (she's a Yorkshire lass, so speaks her mind lol) so I was glad she could see what I was going on about.

We went with the realtor to see the houses .. the first one I'd found online was hideous. Not the inside, but the outside. It was dark brown with slate and just looked awful to me. Someone clearly loves it as they've signed on it. The location of the house was nice, although after the strip of water was the main road - not so nice.

One of them Mr P loves and wants to go back to view it again. The kitchen was pokey though, so I don't like it. In fact, out of the 4 we saw, I'd not buy one of them.

I think I'm ultra fussy, and I think even the realtor is getting exasperated with me!

You are NOT ultra fussy, you have really only just started looking, haven't you?

L
xx