Funny/Cringing Christmas Stories?

A few years ok, Mum had left some presents on top of the welsh dresser, god knows why and asked me to climb up and get them, well I couldn't quite reach and grabbed the bottom of what I thought was the only present up there. As I slide it down off the top of the shelf, something came hurtling towards me at great speed, hit me in the nose and gave me a bloody nose.

Mum had also put 2 books up there as well which were the things that went crashing into my face.

They all thought it was hilarious, it really wasn't and it's mentioned every year now "Hehehe, do you remember when........."

Something else happened but on boxing day, probably about 6 years ok now. We were all at my Aunties house, my Nan and her partner had been to fetch my Great Gran who lived a few towns away and was in a wheelchair. To cut a long story short, we found out something about my Nans partner which didn't sit to well with the family and my Aunts and my Mum decided it'd be a great time to discuss it. It wasn't, my Nan had a fit and she drove off with her partner leaving behind our Great Nan who was sat in her wheelchair.

We are all sitting around when it's announced that Great Nan needs to go to the toilet which isn't normally a problem, however my Aunt only has one toilet and it's up the stairs and she isn't able to walk up them either...soooooo, we ended up putting my Great Nan into another Aunts car and she was driven to my other aunts house across town where there was a downstairs toilet. They had to use bungies to shut the boot as it just wouldn't close with the wheelchair and the sight of my Uncle lifting her into the car.

That's another one thats talked about year in, year out and how funny it was.

Oh, poor Great Nan, how undignified.

I've just remembered the year that my sister got up earlier than everyone else and decided that for breakfast she would eat every chocolate on the Christmas tree! ?

My dad used to store Santa's presents in his office. I went down one year to help bring them up on christmas eve and in doing so we got locked out of the office with the car keys inside. About 2 hours later we managed to get hold of a spare to get back in. Disaster was avoided.

One other year I was about 13 and we had lots of people over for dinner and our dining room (used once a year) was at the front of the house. As we tucked into one course, we were all looking out the window and chatting and saw a local girl about a year older than me as she staggered up to our front wall and started throwing up into the garden. Dad had to go out and he managed to find otu who she was and drove her home to her mum's. She had a few too many sherries I think ?

Last year.....

Had a lady friend round for dinner, did most of my prep the day before and was up early to pop the turkey in the oven.

I'd just moved back in after a total rebuild and this was the first time I'd used the oven...

Short version is that although the (gas) oven lit perfectly, it didn't actually heat anymore than 'pilot light' strength.....

Result was a raw turkey at dinner time and me shuttling back and forward to Mummy ONE's with foil packages and baking trays most of the evening.

Finally put the meal on the table at about ten to midnight... By which stage we'd accounted for the entire Christmas drink selection of Castle ONE.

It's funny in hindsight. Really.

There is the year that is darkly referred to by my parents as "the year teenybash ruined christmas" - i didn't return home after a work christmas party about a week before christmas (i'd pulled). my mother phoned the police that morning. my dad phoned the shop i worked in, to much hilarity to the rest of the staff. i finished work that day and went home to a huge screaming match. then mother didn't speak to me until 9am on christmas morning, grudgingly pretending to be full of the joys of the season before dramatically taking to her bed for a good old weep/gnash of teeth/passive aggressive moan 12 hours later. i was forced to apologise to her (for the umpteenth time) on boxing day before she would get up. over the next few years, it was used against me in many arguments.

not a funny story unfortunately. i always expect to hear thunder claps and dramatic drumrolls anytime it's mentioned.

the only one that is vaguely amusing which i have to tell every year is "the year i found out santa doesn't exist". it was christmas eve, i was about 7 and after my sister and i had gone to bed, my mum sent my dad up into the loft to get the christmas presents. i was woken up by my mother shrieking "the tv has gone funny! you've knocked the aerial! sort it sort it!" (or words to that effect). dad shrieked back "i can't - i'm in the loft getting the effing santa presents down for the girls!".

took me a few minutes to figure it all out and then my innocence was shattered ?. what makes it more amusing for my parents is that i didn't admit to hearing all this until a few years back. i pretended to believe in santa for a few more years because my (3 years older) sister still did.

Teenybash - OH has a similar story, but the response was a little more restrained.

He went out with friends on Christmas Eve, in the days before later licences, and they ended up staying the night in a local hotel so they could use the minibar to carry on drinking.

He phoned his parents when he woke up, but didn't actually arrive home til about 11am - MIL was not impressed and insisted he join in with the usual family festivities, despite his screaming hangover. FIL finally took pity on him around 7pm, and let him go to bed.

Oh, i've many, many years under my belt of hungover christmas mornings. including one when i got home at 5am and drunkenly fell over my sister who i hadn't known would be sharing my old bedroom with me. and every year, mother forced me up at the crack of dawn (well, 9am) to join in the festivities. she would take me to one side and hiss at me and say that i HAD to enjoy myself and if she didn't think i was enjoying myself enough then i would know about it - this was usually accompanied by a sharp prod and possibly a shoulder shake in an attempt to either sober me up or make me regret getting drunk. she'd be serious as well - i had to demonstrably "enjoy myself" or be for the high jump. this involved enthusing wildly about every present and dancing to whatever NOW compilation my sister brough with her.

thankfully, the bucks fizz is popped open at around 9.01am on christmas morning chez teenybash senior, and i can envelop myself in a fug of festive drunkeness.

Many years ago when my children were still small, we went to my MIL for dinner.

MIL was a very annoying woman who always got her own way. Well, my son had been told several times that morning not to eat any more rubbish as he would have no room for his dinner. We took all the sweets away from him and told him he'd get some more on boxing day.

Entered MIL's to the glorious smell of christmas dinner (She was a great cook!). Son picked and poked at his food and was told that there would be no pudding if he didn't eat his meal. As his father and I were telling him off for having sneakliy eaten too many sweets before dfinner, his grandma was now serving the pudding and whipping his uneaten meal away from him.

We were furious and told her "Please do NOT give him the pudding!" (It was black forest gateaux and cream, very rich, especially for a 3 year old!).

Anyhoo, son was crying and granny was all annoyed "Oh let him have some, it's Christmas!" she said over and over. My ex told her if she didn't stop, we'd be going home. Next thing, food all eaten, she asks children to come into kitchen with her and help her to wash up if they want.

Off they go, and about 20 minutes later we realised son was very quiet. He was under the kitchen table eating a full wedge of pudding with lots of cream that granny had given him!!!!!!

After very cross words being exchanged, son then threw up everywhere!!!!! all over kitchen wall, floor, table, chair everywhere.

Ex was raging! We went home and to this day we still talk about the time son ate too much rubbish and how granny had encouraged him!

We never went back there for a meal on Christmas day after that, always boxing day and finger food!

My first ever christmas as a married women (I was 19 at the time and it was my first marriage). I was living in Germany as ex-OH and I were both in the Army, we took pity on the single lads and invited them over for dinner, my mum, dad and sister were also coming over from the UK. The night before we went to a local bar and played skittles, it had a rope at the end with a bell and everytime the bell rang we had to get a tray of snapps. Cue lots of bell ringing and lots of snapps consumed, everyone was trollied and we didn't get back home till the small hours of the morning.

Next morning I'm trying to cook dinner and every 5 minutes I'm going into my mums bedroom to ask how to prepare the turkey, cue me stuffing the bird the wrong end. When it comes around to serving it we had 12 people sitting down and no one person wanted to eat it due to being too hungover to enjoy. I think I was the only one who wasn;t affected by the snapps!

H has one, the same year he and his dad were each given hand knitted ties by a batty relative and had to sit across from eachother wearing them silently crying at eachother with hysteria on account of how mad and nasty these ties were. Which is by the by.

A very snobby sister in law of one of the guests kept asking for something proper to drink so as to underline how little she thought of the choice of wine or whatever. They got so fed up with her they gave her some homebrew that everyone was too scared to go near (and they are glaswegian!). Next thing they know she is being bundled into the boot of her brother in laws car and the bathroom was discovered to be covered floor to ceiling in sh1t. ?. Every time this is retold they get more and more breathless and eventually someone says something like 'Epsom salts, more like bluddy somersalts' and then everyone starts laughing hysterically for another flaming hour.

My family were much more restrained thenk you.

I am loving these stories.

Mine has been fairly uneventful. I do remember about 6 years ago, when my Brother was 18 and his gf of about 2 weeks had dumped him a few days before Christmas Eve. So that night we are all playing cards, drinking, he starts getting aggresive over a game. I tell him to grow up and he disappears to his bedroom. half hour later my mum goes to check on him. he has jumped out the window. (lucky they live in a bungalow!) and gone AWOL, except it was about midnight and the live on top of hill with no lights. It was pitch black! My dad found him at the bottom of the drive way because he couldnt work out where he was! Too much alcohol and all that!

This is the first year my brother is not spending Christmas with us and TBH I am looking forward to it!!

It was pretty cringeworthy the year my brother brought a one nightstand home to my Mum & Dad's on Christmas Eve - I mean why would you?

They both woke up with hungover, my brother couldn't drive because he was over the limit, she had no cash for a taxi and in the end her parents came to pick her up. My baffled Mother could do little more than ofer her a cup of tea and some toast.