Future MIL Problems

I can understand it must be annoying and frustrating that she wants such a big deal made about her outfit, but I don't think she has meant to upset you.

Maybe she realises that you want to go dress shopping of yourself with your own mum and sees this at the closest she will get to the experience. If she is going to pay for the trip to Spain, then suggest you go after you've chosen your own dress, so that she can get an outfit that complements your choice but without overshadowing you.

It sounds like she is very exciting about your wedding and wants to look her best - if she thinks thinks of you as a daughter then it probably hasn't even crossed her mind that you might be upset by her budget.

As for her suggestions for the wedding, if you have an idea in your mind of how you would like the day then it might be worth sitting down with her and going through that with her - that way she should feel included. Is there a part of the planing you can involve her in? Maybe show her pictures of flowers, for example, that you like and get her to help come up with similar ideas.

I would love to have had £700 to have spent on my dress and I would love my mum to be able to splash out like that (and be so enthusiastic and excited!), consider yourself extremely lucky!

Yes very unreasonable. She's happy. it's her money. Why does it worry you so much?

Crumbs, my wedding dress was such a bargain I imagine 99% of guests were wearing something that cost more. Why on earth should it matter? I was still the bride!

Perhaps you could suggest to her that you all do things together along with your Mum as well. I'm very close to my Mum and we do everything together, however i'd love to have a MIL who cared about me and the wedding so much to want to be involved. You're really lucky ,ours can't be bothered at all.

Agree with everyone else about the being slightly unreasonable, it wouldn't bother me how much anyone else spends to attend the wedding. I think it's great that she's making such a big effort and although she might seem a bit pushy you can just tell her if theres certain things you'd like to do with your Mum or get her involved with, but in the long run i'd be happy that she's making an effort rather than as Footlong says turning up in a creased Primark dress

Which is BTW - Probably what my FMIL will do haha

I'm left wondering if there is more to it than her wanting to spend loads on her outfit which as others have said is a bit of a non issue ... Does she upset or annoy you in other ways about the wedding etc? You vaguely mentioned a worry she was trying to take over..... or are you worried your mum will be upset?

Haha thanks all! I've calmed down a lot since this morning so am trying not to worry too much. I am a bit worried about my mum, I doubt she'll be spending nearly that much on her outfit and I don't want her to feel inadequate. Me and my mum are very close and for things like dress shopping I only want her there, I don't even want to include my bridesmaids; I'll probably take them along with the FMIL to a fitting or to choose shoes and accessories.

She has said a few things which have annoyed me, the biggest thing for example was that she suggested we invite her auntie and uncle to our very small ceremony, I've never met them (and we've been together a long time) and H2B has met them once or twice when I said they'd be welcome to the evening she got very quiet with me and has mentioned it since when I asked if we should invite my FFIL's sister to the evening do.

Her and her husband are quite well off and a lot of the time their solution to a problem is to spend more money so I am worried that if I mention something like "I really like this but we can't afford it" they'll offer to pay. Obviously this would be much appreciated but from past experiences these offers of money have conditions and we have been made to feel ungrateful previously if they've offered a gift of money and not spent it exactly how they would have.

I'm now trying to think of ways I can involve her where she can't take over but as we haven't booked a venue that's the biggest thing so far and I'm taking her with us to look at venues but she is obviously excited and keeps making suggestions about other stuff which just leaves me feeling a bit overwhelmed and probably more susceptible to getting annoyed!

Yes, I also meant to put in my reply I hadn't even considered how it would feel if she just wasn't bothered, suppose it's much easier to try and calm her down than it would be to try to drum up enthusiasm from someone who's not bothered!

Thanks for putting it into context ... I had thought it was something like this ... Very much like my ex mil ... and when she offered to pay for things I let her ... We ended up with over 200 guests at our wedding half of whom is never met! ! This time round I'm not 20 and naive (not that all 20 year olds are ... I just was! ) so we are having a wedding how we want it and only inviting who we like ... It helps that my new partner and I can afford (just about) to pay for it ourselves so keep that level of autonomy that you may not get when you let well meaning relatives pay for things ... I hope things settle down ... sounds like you are actually dealing with it all well xx

Oh no!! Definitely feeling better now! I think part of my problem is that all of the venues we've looked into are way out of our price range so feeling a bit disheartened by that. Also, when FMIL asks "What about this for such and such" I am appreciative but her ideas of what looks good are quite far off mine so I try to clarify my 'vision' and she takes it quite to heart. Once I've got a venue booked I will start thinking more about things like flowers and centrepieces and will be able to discuss them with her but don't want to start discussing these when I'm consumed by finding a venue!

Thanks again, I'm hoping to do lots of stuff DIY as I really want lots of personal touches but will definitely look for deals that include all the basics! Yes once we've got a venue booked and I'm starting to think of littler bits and pieces I will definitely give her a project!

I do understand Miss Toffee, I feel blessed that me and oh have had the freedom to make every decision about our day without backlash as we are paying for it all - everything from the guest list, venue, dress decisions and centrepieces are all up to us and no-one else. I think if i had someone trying to change my 'vision' at every turn I would get irritated too. Like everyone has said this lady clearly loves you and wants to be involved, so makes sure you include her but don't lose sight on the fact that it is your and your oh's day! This site will inspire your imagination and you will plan everything to a fine detail, do it your way!

Thanks goldpants! Both sets of parents have offered us help and as we're also saving for a deposit on a house we couldn't turn them down but if it all gets too interferey because of their monetry help we'll manage on our own!