Giving Away Dilemma

Could you have them both? I'm in a different situation because my parents are together but I'm very close to my mum and my relationship with my dad has always been fractious. They are both walking me down the aisle. Would your parents be able to civil enough with each other to make this possible?

They can both walk you down the aisle. They may not like hanging out together but for their daughters wedding they can pull themselves together.

I love seeing both parties walk in the bride. Make sure the aisle is wide enough for all to fit.

This sounds similar to my situation, mu Dad has never really been there for me yet my Mum has been a constant positive influence on my life. I think you should ask your mum without a doubt.

I think mothers are vastly overlooked when it comes to weddings, I know it all stems from a history of misogynist traditions but I feel that things have to change to include women- after all they are the ones that give birth to us!

I'm walking down the ailse with my husband-to-be but would have chosen my mum to give me away if I had to (not comfortable with being 'given away' as personally I feels it's outdated). My mum will also be my witness.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

PS your post sounds like you really want your mum to do it but feel like you have to ask your dad to spare his feelings. If he cares about you he'll understand it's what you want and that really is all that matters. It's not about leaving him out, rather it's about honouring your mum and her role in your life.

Go with what you want in your heart. Your mum will understand as all she cares about is your happiness. Imagine the different scenarios in your head and go with whichever makes you feel happier.

My father is coming to the wedding, he was invited out of a vague sense of duty and guilt. I am having my stepdad give me away,but my mum is doing the father of the bride speech. I was very surprised to find out that my dad had apparently assumed he would be giving me away, despite him moving to the U.S. when I was six months old and only seeing him every few years. I have probably only met him a maximum of ten times in my entire life. Luckily his wife mentioned to him that he probably shouldn't expect to do it, so he called my mum who had the job of informing him that his services would not be required. It would have been my older brother if he was still around, but sadly not.

Hope you figure out which you prefer and everyone is well behaved about it.

I think the compromise is having them both walk you down the aisle if that makes you feel better but like the others have said from your post it sounds as though you really want your mum to do it. Go with your heart as it is your day. Those who love and care for you will understand.

Sorry, should have said your mum and dad will understand, really didn't mean to imply your dad wouldn't understand.

Tough decision. Are you having a civil ceremony? I don't know about church weddings but I know for civil you don't actually have to be given away at all. You can still be walked down the aisle. Clearly from what you've said, your mum doesn't want your dad to do it, despite her saying she won't be offended. If you take emotions and traditions away from it then I would definitely say your mum should do it, she raised you therefore you are hers to give away, if you see what I mean. Have you considered your dad giving you away and having your mum as a witness? That way she is on the official paperwork and has an important role.

I personally think your mum should do it. She sounds much more deserving to be honest and you might regret asking your dad

x

My situation is kind of similar.

Im having my mum do it. I agree with my mum though in that my Dad doesn't deserve to. I have 2 brothers but they are very close in age, I couldnt pick just one but the aisle isnt wide enough for 2, so I chose my mum. I felt it was a nice testament to all that she has done for me over the years and it feels right that it should be her.

Hope that helps a little.

Similar situation but my dad isn't getting invited.

I asked my mum and she said she appreciated the thought but wanted my grandfather (her dad) to do it. I respect that, and I love the idea.

In your case, I'd have them both walk you down the aisle, or your mum.

I see the person who raised you as having more right to "give you away" than a man who comes and goes.

Have both. Perhaps it would make it seem easier in your mind if you called it 'walking down the aisle' rather than 'giving you away.' Putting the misogyny to one side, it sounds from what you've said that you're really not your dad's to 'give away' if your mum raised you. If they're both walking you down the aisle then they're both showing their support and no one is anyone else's property.

Thank you everyone for your advice. After reading everyone's responses, I'm leaning towards my Mum doing it as she's really looked after me these last few months (I've been suffering from severe anxiety for many years but it's gotten much worse since the end of last year) while my Dad's advice for the situation was just "sometimes you have to just get on with it."

I'm now toying with the idea of having my Mum walk me down the aisle and having my Dad as a witness, just so he can still be involved in the ceremony - not just so he doesn't feel left out but I do genuinely want him to be part of things. I'm seeing my half sister (from my Dad's side) on Saturday so I'm hoping to talk to her about it. I know she's not going to be biased towards him as she's sided with my Mum on several occasions when it came to my Dad spending time with me so hopefully she can shed some light on the situation. I may have them both do it if I really can't decide - like most of you have said, they can put their differences aside just to walk me down the aisle surely!